A Chick I Met In Pattaya

I’ve met this chick in Pattaya. We have been together 6 months now and basically trying to figure out if I’m really being scammed here or is the girl ok.

So I met my girl in a bar. She’s 37 years old and quite attractive. I tried to barfine her but she declined, the reason was she had only worked in the bar for 4 days and was not there for barfining. I got asked lots of questions about my situation.

I did end up barfining her in the end as she wanted to see me and talk more (I paid only a barfine and she didn’t ask for $$ for herself for the nights she spent with me) and actually paid barfine for the next 2 days. She has never returned to the bar to this day since. The reason for her in the bar is that she was looking for a farang and she wants change in her life.

She has an older sister that has a 57-year-old retired Canadian boyfriend of 3 years and basically she told my girl to go to Pattaya, find a bar, don’t do barfine but try & find the right guy like hers. I’ve thought about this story and given the child and time off school etc it may be right. I also asked the other bargirls there and they said they didn’t even know her name as she hadn’t been there that long. Bullshit?

My girl is divorced 3 years & has an 8-year old daughter. She lives in Chantaburi, owns her own house, was working as an insurance sales rep but the car travel has got too hard being away from her daughter and trying to meet school pick up times etc.

So after 3 days in Pattaya she & her sister consulted over the phone & said I’m possibly the right guy. I’m a 57-year old, never married, no children, self-employed. I’ve had lots of girlfriends.

We left Pattaya and went back to her town & never returned to Pattaya.

I agreed to 20,000 baht a month support.

I stayed in motels for 2 weeks before I was introduced to the family. She has quite a small family for Thailand, no parents, just sisters & brothers and I like them.

I am not 100% sure about this girl. Am I being played? I ran away and got as far as Bangkok before the girl said just come back move into her house and no 20,000 baht a month anymore and do what I like.

I ended up staying for 4 months.

In the early days I asked if she had done short-time work from any bars or anywhere and she dumped me & cried her eyes out. She also showed me her divorce papers. She said I’ve brought you into my family & my life

Then I find out she owns a karaoke bar several km away. It’s in a group of 4 bars. The first 2 are dodgy, the next one a ladyboy bar and hers looks straight, not much happening re: sex, no girls there for a start, only a manager barmaid.

The bar is not doing good and has just recently closed but she’s still paying 5,000 baht a month rent. It also has music rights so there is another 30,000 baht a year.

She hasn’t worked there for years. She, her sister and ex husband had it built and then put a manager in it. She bought out her sister’s share over 12 months ago for 100,000 baht.

I’ve checked out the ex husband and feel there’s nothing going on there. They don’t even talk and he recently got another women.

Things were going really really good but then I was getting pressured for a visa to Australia.

I thought what the heck, let’s see and she got it easy!

Basically she hasn’t worked since I’ve known her and has only signed up like 2 insurance policies in 6 months.

I was continually looking for red flags.

After a few months she started hitting me up for 20,000 baht again. I ended up paying it one more time while I was there. I pay for everything else food bills etc etc.

One day I got hit up for ”the” gold chain and she got it.

My girl gets child support from her ex. How much? I don’t know. The daughter goes to a semi-private school, like 50,000 baht a year?

The ex is an engineer doing his masters degree at present at Uni part time.

One week, she started calling into an open-air market that she had never shown any interest (maybe it was nothing?) in before and was gone for some time 1- hours ++. This lasted 3 occasions. I thought this was strange. I did catch up with her there once but took her some time to show and the place ain’t that big. Mmm.
Then the same week we agreed to go for dinner after being at the local pool. We got to our table where I sat down with daughter then my girl said she had to move the car. She never returned. I got a text saying she had gone to the market only returning to pick the daughter & myself up. Now this is what I thought was a red flag.

Apart from that, not much else while I was there and everything seemed to be good.

After 4 months I returned to Australia. I decided I need to do some work.

I asked my girl what she was going to do once I left and was she going back to the bar?

She replied no and she wanted to build another shop next to the karaoke and try and set up a food shop. This was strange as I thought she didn’t have any $$ and hasn’t worked.

Oh yes I was asked to finance the shop but I declined saying I didn’t know enough about the business and she said that’s ok she will find her way. Mmm…

I asked her about previous relationships after the divorce. She said there have been 2 others, not farang but Thai. They ran away, 1 was around 2 years and the other 3 months back.

So I returned to Oz only for 3 weeks where my girl started freaking out, crying for me to return. In the end I returned after only 3 weeks away.
Things are going very good. I’m back in Thailand for 2 weeks and I agree to take her back to Australia for 2 weeks.

I bought her a new phone before we left Thailand but strangely she took 2 phones with her saying they didn’t transfer all the contacts over from her old phone properly. I did feel this was odd. Maybe it was right?

In Australia she was nothing like what I thought. She didn’t want to leave the house much was just lazing around watching YouTube, cooking and cleaning. She did take her phones into the bathroom but in private. I never heard any phone calls ever. She watches YouTube a lot.

Ok she returns to Thailand where she asks me to come live & retire in Thailand and I like this idea. I’ve fallen in love with Thailand! So I’m trying to figure out my budget and it’s around 60,000 baht a month (without selling my house). I run it by her and she says possibly not enough.

I ask her sister’s Canadian boyfriend and he replies more like 120,000 baht a month! I’ve since spoken to a few people and they said that Canadian man is not your friend! I did one night try asking a little about my girl seeing he goes out with her sister and he told me straight up his alliances are to the girls. As far as he knows she is good but didn’t see her that much until now being with me.

Ok, since her return to Thailand things have been a bit rocky, given that she claims she has no money & she’s not working so where do the $ come from?

Her answer? She has savings.

On her visa application, her bank statement showed 16,000 baht.
In 4 months in Thailand even thought I paid for 90% of things I never once saw her go to an ATM although she did go to the bank on several occasion to put a cheque in from insurance clients.

Ok, you can see what I’m concerned about – is she doing short times? She doesn’t have a lot of $ that I know but she always has some. There can only be a few explanations. 1. she gets child support & allowance from ex. 2. she may have got a settlement from ex & is living on savings, or 3. she owns something else & gets $ from that and is not telling me or reason 4. there’s other men, maybe not in Thailand.

Now she started building the shop but has run out of money. It’s just a roof and a concrete floor.

In the early days we contacted on line and she was constantly letting me know her whereabouts and times. Now she seems to go quiet just after school drop off till mid to late morning. In 6 months there have only been 3 occasions where there was no contact over 4 hours. We also do video chat too.

This week has been rocky. I refused to pay $$ and she disappeared saying it’s a form of commitment to her and she s not happy. And sure enough I paid like 3000 baht and she is happy again and the contact has increased a lot.

I’ve decided to go back to Thailand in 3 weeks for approx. 1 month, for several reasons. I miss the girl a lot. I want to see how much it will cost me this time for 1 month in more of a living type of situation and not like before in holiday mode. I also want to see how genuine this girl is and if there’s any more strange stuff. If there is I’ve decided I need to move on.

She has asked if I would buy a farm (I do like the idea). She wanted another child but I’ve knocked that on the head. She wanted a boob job but also knocked that back. Now this week she has suggested she does a horticultural course at Uni over 2 years which costs around 100,000 baht because she s bored at home and wants to get in to a farm with me.

I did hook up with a freelance girl before I met this one, and the freelance girl was very keen to hear about this girl and what she was up to. She did say it sounds strange not normal bargirl behavior not asking for $ on the night but feels this chick could be going for what they call the ”Big Fish”! Also, after seeing a photo she said this girl has a active body & active mind! Hope she’s wrong.

The other thing that is different is I cannot buy her anything like clothes or much else. She just doesn’t want it just says straight out no! Several people have told me this is a good thing.

I’ve said to myself from the start this girl is either good & the story is genuine or is very clever & crooked as. The karaoke thing has been a thorn in my side. It’s losing and costing $ and she’s not working. It doesn’t add up, I’m afraid.

She wanted to migrate to Australia. I made some enquiries about her daughter & unfortunately the nearest school to me wants nearly $300 AUD a week seeing the child does not have a permanent visa so my girl has said we need to forget about that due to the cost.

What do you make of it?

 

Stick’s thoughts:

It sounds to me as if there are trust issues based on both her lack of responses to your questions as well as your gut feeling about her general behaviour. I am a firm believer that if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t…

This woman should be working. At 37 years old she is presumably healthy. Why does she expect you to pay her 20,000 baht every month? Tell her to get off her lazy ass and work! If she is not good at what she is currently doing or it is not profitable then she can try something else.

The karaoke establishment IS a worry. Venues like that come in various types but many are in that grey area and are part of the sex for money industry.

The 60,000 baht a month budget living with her is doable assuming you are living in a small town and she owns her house. It all depends on the sort of lifestyle you want.

The way she treats you when you don’t pay her money when she asks and then is nice to you when you do send money is pure manipulation and control. She is not the mother of your children nor is she  your wife so you have no reason to be supporting her – and she has no right to expect you to do so.

This woman is scatter-brained and has that trait I see in many Thais who are unsuccessful in business after business. She tries her hand at all sorts of things instead of committing to just one and really giving it her best shot. No doubt she has dreams of hitting the big time and making lots of money. She does not think, “I’ll build a business and the money will follow”; rather she thinks about the money first and the business is a second thought. As I say, this is common amongst Thais who worship money.

You seem to be rightly suspicious of her and it sounds like there is stuff going on you don’t know about. That stuff may or may not be innocuous, but you do have a right to know if you are considering pursuing a serious relationship with her. Perhaps some of what you think you know is wrong. That doesn’t mean she is sleeping around or has other guys on the go, but obviously there is stuff you don’t know that you’d like to know – and it is fair and reasonable to know when you’re considering a long-term relationship. She doesn’t seem willing to be that open with you.

I did not get the sense that you have genuinely strong feelings for her. You never mentioned you love her – and who would love a lady who behaves as she does?! There are many great women out there but from the way you have described this lady, she is not one of them. My advice would be to move on. You could do much better with someone else.

The author cannot be contacted.