Back in Jakarta Part 2
Loneliness is maybe one of the most devastating social diseases somebody can have. It can bring on a deep and intense depression. A feeling of being utterly isolated, feeling no joy at all, just stress, depression, anxiety, a host of negative emotions and feelings surround you constantly and you can think of nothing other than your problems and unhappiness.
This is how I find myself in Jakarta after almost 4 weeks. I might as well be the only soul in this city. I would probably feel less lonely than how I feel now. Imagine being surrounded by hundreds of thousands of great-looking women who want nothing else than to meet somebody from your race. Imagine yourself seeing all your fellow countrymen in this city with a big grin from ear to ear while they are walking with a woman who looks like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine. A bule (western guy) once told me, "In Jakarta a white guy never walks without a local girl, it is simply impossible it cannot happen. And a Western guy never sleeps alone, only when he chooses to sleep alone, because there are always a bevy of hot local girls dying to join any bule guy's bed."
I know all this, and I know I am also a white guy in Jakarta. I know I dress well all the time (much better then 50% of the other white guys in this city who nevertheless always walk with a local fashion model on their arms, even if they go in flip-flops, shorts and an old T-shirt). I know I have a good education, I know I have good work, I make decent (but not really big) money. Still, I don't manage to meet any girl here.
I tried everything so far. Tinder, any dating site I can possible think of, I went to malls, cafes, bars, clubs….you name it. I went! But all to no avail. I see western guys hooking up everywhere like it doesn't take any effort (and it really does not take any effort). Even the African guys nowadays get any girl in Jakarta they like because the girls don't care anymore what the people around them think. They are in this sense much more liberated than say 10 years ago when they would only meet those African guys behind closed doors, but would not be seen with them in public.
Anyway, everybody is dating and sleeping with one another in this city every night, the white guys especially, their status is that of a movie star, a porn star, a model and that is how the local girls treat the bule guys. You can imagine why every white guy in this city wears a grin from ear to ear 24/7!
It must be my looks I keep thinking, while meanwhile my depression deepens and worsens day by day. I just keep thinking, pondering, worrying what is wrong with me but I cannot find the answer!
Last Saturday night was again an eye-opener for me. I went out to a club in town, and I actually felt good that night. I could keep the depression at bay and I could smile and joke. I met an older Austrian guy aged around 56 who was seriously overweight. I could not help but talk to him about my dating disaster so far in Jakarta and he laughed and said, “It does not make sense, look at me, I am overweight and old but I have a different girl every night. I have been here now for 2 months and I have had over 50 girls, all of them young and gorgeous”. Then he took out his phone and showed me tons of pictures of him with local hotties.
He told me he picks them up all the time everywhere but he does not try to get them. He does not make any effort, they come to him. “Like a week ago for instance in the local supermarket”, he said. “I was looking for some vegetables and when I look up I see a young gorgeous sexy girl standing next to me and smiling up at me”. “I smile back and ask her something about which vegetable I should buy or something” he said. “Then she points out the vegetables and meanwhile we talk”. After that I ask her if she would like to join me to the coffee place nearby after we pay for our shopping.
“Of course”, she says no problem. So we go. We have a nice chit chat and after that we go to my place for some great sex.
And, this happens to me at least 4 or 5 times a week, even more often but sometimes I cannot be bothered to take the girls somewhere and I just don't continue but just say hi or hello to them and then I go. If I would take every girl that approaches me in mall or street or wherever I go I would have to take 2 or 3 girls every day. “And mind you, I never had to pay one single Rupiah for any girl”.
Meanwhile in the club I did not get any attention from any girl. The Austrian guy was just drinking and relaxing. After a while I went away for a walk around the club. When I came back to the Austrian guy some 30 minutes later he was cuddling with a really gorgeous and sexy young girl.
“Hey, Harry” he said to me. “Meet Nina, an airhostess from Air Asia, she is here for only two nights, tomorrow she has to fly to Bangkok." Nina was really crazy about the Austrian guy and could not wait to bring him to her 5 star hotel so after some time they bade me farewell and left.
Half an hour later I left also lonely and alone. When I came back home my depression was back with a revenge, I felt horrible again.
I think I will have to go back home, no matter how terrible that is but if the depression doesn't go or even gets worse there might be no other option then to leave. I will get then another depression back home but at least I don't see anymore what I should not see.
I'm not yet sure what I will do let's hope for the best but at the moment the situation is really dire.
I remember my one and only visit to Jakarta and wishing I had stayed longer. There seemed to be so much to explore and check out, although the traffic was a killer and made Bangkok seem like a small country town.
As for your lack of success with the ladies so far, I bet there is just one small thing that you have to "tweak" to make things happen. It could be that you're trying too hard – and girls DO sense that! Maybe you're mildly depressed and the girls have picked up on that too. Of course women like a guy who is physically attractive, looked after himself, dressed well and can charm them but they also pick up on other things too – and I bet there is something they have picked up on which is putting them off. Go out and do something you enjoy. It could be anything from buying some ingredients and cooking your favourite dish, to a good work out to a walk around the zoo. Once you're genuinely relaxed and contented you'll be giving off a more positive vibe and with a bit of luck, success will follow