Ladyboy lovers – it’s time we had a frank and open chat about proctitis, anal fissures and urinary tract infections – they can ruin your entire holiday
My recent trip to Pattaya has unfortunately been marred by a nasty case of proctitis and a urinary tract infection which came about due to an anal fissure. These conditions caused me the most pain, inconvenience and worry that I have ever experienced in my entire 34 years of life. I warn you – this article may be too graphic for some readers. <He is not joking, this is VERY graphic and anyone uncomfortable with the idea of sex with ladyboys really should stop reading here – Stick> It is an important article however because if I can help just one ladyboy lover avoid my fate then it will have been worthwhile spending the time writing it.
Proctitis: An inflammation of the anus and the lining of the rectum affecting the last 6 inches of the rectum.
Anal Fissure: A tear or split in the lining of the anus.
Urinary Tract Infection: an infection that affects part of the urinary tract.
Before I start this article I would like to make it known that of all the risk factors that I had in my spreadsheet regarding avoiding HIV, STDs etc when dealing with ladyboys – I did not even fathom that I was at high risk of proctitis and an anal fissure due to my lifestyle of engaging in receptive anal sex with ladyboys in Pattaya.
I had absolutely no idea how incredibly painful and debilitating proctitis and an anal fissure could be and how much it could seriously negatively affect a man's quality of life and ruin a holiday and I am writing this article so that my ladyboy loving peers may avoid my painful fate by engaging in risk minimisation strategies together with ensuring that you have all the medication you will require should you go through a nasty experience similar to mine.
There are three possible theories to what caused my proctitis and anal fissure:
1. The Pretender's theory 1: hard receptive anal sex with a 25 year old ladyboy (who had a larger than average penis for a Thai which was twisted when erect) on my first night in Pattaya which led to a tear in the anus (an anal fissure) which led to proctitis which led to a bacterial infection which led to a month of agony.
2. The Pretender's theory 2: a ladyboys long (possibly dirty) finger nail caused a small cut in my anus which led to proctitis which led to a bacterial infection which led to a month of agony.
3. The Pretender's Doctor's theory: a drastic and sudden change from my bodybuilding diet lead to constipation which led to the passing of hard stools which led to an anal fissure which led to proctitis which led to a bacterial infection which
led to a month of agony.
The most plausible theory in my opinion as to the cause of my incredibly painful episode of proctitis with an anal fissure is either my first or second theory with me leaning towards my first theory – hard receptive anal sex with a ladyboy causing a tear in my anus. I have ruled out my doctor’s theory, as I don’t recall being constipated nor passing a hard stool. I was open and honest with my doctor about my lifestyle in Pattaya as well yet he still thought that it was most likely caused by constipation and a hard stool causing a tear in the anus.
I would like to talk about my symptoms, which started on the evening of the 28th November. I started to feel very sick and I went to bed early at 8:30 pm, which there was not much point in doing because of the Pattaya fireworks festival, which went on until after 11:00 PM and kept me wide awake due to the noise. My first symptom was a high temperature / fever together with a feeling of being very cold with my teeth chattering and unusually for me – an enlarged left lymph node in my groin which I had never in my life ever felt enlarged. I took some Paracetamol for this and thought that I had possibly just caught a bug of some kind and would be OK in the morning. In the morning I woke up and felt OK really and I went out that night and stayed out until after 1:00 AM at Sensations Bar in Action St. The next day I rested and felt generally OK so I went out again that night. I had some problems with pain in the anal area which I mentioned to a ladyboy I had spent time with earlier on my trip and I told her that it was a no go area from now on. To my complete surprise she opened her handbag and gave me something called Sheriproct and told me to use it on my anus and that it would help relieve the pain and irritation I was experiencing. I used the product and it was OK but not great. The ladyboy told me of another product which was a local cream anaesthetic called Lidocaine which was better and that I should definitely buy it. I took a mental note of this given the pain I was in.
The next day I started having incredible pain and suffering when defecating, straining to get anything out and I could not urinate and I was starting to get more body aches and muscle pains and was in all sorts of trouble. I decided to get an early night but woke up the next day feeling worse so I decided to go to the hospital. The doctor checked me out and recommended I go to another hospital. I didn’t want to do this as I had already wasted 3 hours at this hospital. The doctor didn’t even give me anything for the pain or for the infection. I am not even going to begin getting into the waste of time that visit to that brand new hospital was for me. Anyway – that useless hospital visit irritated me so I went back to my hotel and researched my symptoms and came to the self-diagnosis (which I know you shouldn’t do but I was desperate) that I had an anal fissure and proctitis together with a very nasty bacterial and urinary tract infection. The solution to the infection was to take some antibiotics called ciprofloxacin. The muscle aches could be helped with voltaren and ibuprofen. I walked into a chemist and bought the voltaren and the ibuprofen and I was given the Lidocaine for free because the pharmacist told me it had already been opened and she could not sell it to me and had no other in stock. I thought to myself how ridiculous the situation was and how that would never happen back in the West! I was happy to get it for free but I would have paid a lot for it regardless because I was in such pain.
So I start taking the antibiotics, which really helped me very quickly within a day – I could now urinate again which was a relief. I still had pain when defecating but not as bad as before. I actually felt somewhat happy despite still being in pain – at least I wasn’t in the kind of pain that a man needs to be in to go to the hospital like I did the previous day. The antibiotics must have cleared up the bacterial infection.
The next day I was still not feeling well and had very painful muscles, a very sore back, pain on defecating and an overall sick and nauseous feeling. I struggled on and got an early night.
The day after I woke up in incredible pain. I was in absolute despair and felt like I would never get better. I kept thinking – how long is it going to take me to get over this? I was popping the antibiotics, voltaren and ibuprofen constantly and I was bleeding profusely when defecating. As the night approached however I started feeling a bit better so I went out. The next day however the muscle aches and pain continued but the pain on the toilet was not as bad and I thought that I was on the mend at last. The next few days were similar and I still felt unwell. It had been a full 7 days since I had exercised – I have never gone more than 3 days without running or lifting weights in the past few years. This condition had destroyed my health and fitness.
My sickness log ends at this point because by all accounts the indication was that my computer hard drive had crashed which caused me utter and complete despair as I could not write articles for Stickman about my experiences as I wanted to whilst I was in Pattaya. My backup was at home and I could not restore the hard drive here nor even reload the operating system as I did not have the DVDs and the DVD drive on the computer was broken anyway. It was the 10th December at this point and I still had another 7 days in Thailand to go. For this time I basically kept taking the antibiotics, ibuprofen and voltaren and this made my condition manageable but still very irritating. Fast forward to the 17th December – it was time for me to fly home but I am still very sick. I had incredible constipation and had not defecated for 2 days and try all I might I could not get anything out. I woke up at 2:00 AM and made my way to Bangkok airport for an early morning flight and boarded the plane and the entire 9-hour trip home I could not defecate. I was OK urinating however but it was painful with a burning sensation. It took until I got home before I could defecate and it was minimal.
Between the 18th December to the 25th December it has still been going on. It has been almost one whole month now! I am still taking ibuprofen and voltaren together now with laxatives, coloxyl and antihistamines. I needed the antihistamines the pharmacist at home said because after stopping the antibiotics I had some kind of allergic reaction which has caused intense itching all over my body especially at night when I am trying to sleep. I have never felt anything like it and it has caused me issues sleeping. The itching is slightly better for each day I have stopped the antibiotics and is better right after taking an antihistamine. My sleep is also all over the place (which is very unusual for me and a sign that my body is not right) but I am thankful that I no longer bleed when defecating and that I can actually defecate OK. I still have a slight fever, lethargy and muscle aches, which are not anywhere near as bad as before and are manageable but I am still popping ibuprofen and voltaren constantly throughout the day. I have been able to get some exercise and back to my morning and afternoon running together with lifting weights but it is a struggle and my energy levels and fitness has taken an absolute beating. My left groin lymph node has gone back down but is still not completely back to normal.
My symptoms in aggregate:
* Bloody stools
* Tingling, tickling or itching sensation in my anus
* Very enlarged left groin lymph node
* Incredible, excruciating pain when defecating. Pain to the point that I was gripping the toilet wall or placing a towel in my mouth and screaming in agony
* Rectal bleeding with lots of blood in the toilet bowl including dripping blood from my anus
* High fever and chills, chattering teeth, feeling of being too cold mostly or sometimes too hot
* Inability to urinate unless attempting to defecate, which would bring on urination
* Inability to defecate (constipation)
* Night sweats and wet pillow when back home
* Straining to empty my bowels
* A feeling of not having emptied my bowels
* Cramping and spasms during bowel movements
* Yellow mucus and pus when wiping my anus
* Poor sleep when back home (which did not occur in Pattaya so I am guessing it may be related to some jet lag)
* Incredible all over body itching
* Incredible itching of the anus
* Inability to exercise due to all over body weakness, lethargy and all over muscle aches and pains
* Incredible lethargy
* Burning pain when urinating
* Painful ejaculations with yellow coloured ejaculate together with burning pain (a real dampener considering this is Pattaya – who cares if it happened back in boring Australia where I live in voluntary celibacy without a partner for 11 months of the year)
Important lessons that I have learned from this terrible and unfortunate experience that some would say God brought about because he hates my lifestyle (and me personally of course):
Engaging in receptive anal sex with a condom with ladyboys or getting a fingernail too close to the anus can cause a tear in the anus, which can cause a nasty infection, which can completely ruin your entire holiday. As such I have reconsidered engaging in receptive anal sex with new ladyboy partners and I will only engage in this practice with ladyboys who are known to me and that I trust, will use plenty of lubricant and will take my time and take it slowly. No rough anal sex and certainly not with new ladyboy partners. I will also not allow a ladyboy's fingernail anywhere near my anus ever again.
– Do not leave home without Metamucil (fibre supplement which I couldn’t find in the Western supermarket near my hotel and didn’t want to go hunting for all over town)
– Do not leave home without laxatives
– Do not leave home without lubricant (I didn’t but thought I would mention it. Lubricant was somewhat useful on several occasions when attempting to pass stools and to help the fissure to heal without bleeding again)
– Do not leave home without a local anaesthetic cream
– Do not leave home without scheriproct
– Do not leave home without voltaren/diclofenac potassium (expensive in Thailand I thought)
– Do not leave home without ibuprofen
– Do not leave home without stool softeners Coloxyl 120
– Do not leave home without antihistamines
– Do not leave home without travel insurance (that was really stupid of me)
– Talk with a doctor here about taking a broad based antibiotic with me in that will clear up a general bacterial infection without me having to stuff around researching and self-diagnosing online and walking into Thai chemists to buy antibiotics.
– Buy a 2nd solid state hard drive and clone it on a regular basis (purchased). Take this clone with me with my laptop when travelling. Take my laptop screwdrivers as well and if the hard drive fails, just pop in the clone. If the hard drive ribbon connector fails (which was the actual cause of my problem it turns out and not a hard drive crash) then I can buy this at the Apple Store at Central Festival Plaza. Take USB keys with the Apple Operating System on them and Disk Warrior on another USB key so I can at least get up and running again and work around my broken DVD drive.
Anyway, that is my tale of woe gentlemen. It’s a bad one – and proctitis, anal fissures and urinary tract infections are something I never considered as conditions I could get nor listed as risk factors for my Pattaya lifestyle. Conditions I now consider to be a serious risk with serious and painful consequences when engaging with ladyboys in Pattaya.
When my ladyboy friend opened her handbag and gave me scheriproct it made me think that anal conditions must be very common or else – why was she carrying such a product on her person? I expect that this article may pique the interests of ladyboy lovers who may email me to share similar experiences of woe. I am happy to hear from you gentlemen.
There will be some who will say I deserved this for being stupid or for going against Gods wishes and so on. My late father always said to me “Son, if you lay down with dogs you will get up with fleas”. “Son – that AIDS is a death sentence”. “Son – even if you don’t go looking for trouble – trouble find you one day”. I could go on but I won't…
Important lessons learned gentlemen – learned the hard way as well and this is an important article that I had to write for your benefit. Spreadsheet of risk factors has been carefully amended. May you be wise men can learn from the misfortunes of The Pretender who’s ego has been seriously bruised and has been humbled by how easily even a very fit and healthy human body like his can be broken and reduced to a shivering and aching mess by a small tear in the anus.
Rest assured – I will crawl my way back to health and fitness until I am back to sprinting up hills again and lifting very heavy weights and let me promise you this: I will be back in Pattaya come hell or high water – fit, lean, muscular and healthy ready for my next engagements with the Pattaya ladyboys this time next year.
Take it the bank gentlemen.
All the best!
For the purposes of education there are some things that need to be talked about openly….but that doesn't mean that talking about them openly is particularly palatable.
If any readers were ladyboy curious I reckon they might now be ladyboy-petrified!
It does also make me wonder about this thing where some of those who go for ladyboys don't just fxxx, they get fxxxed. That is just such an incredibly horrific thought that I cannot get my head around how some rationalise it!
I am no expert on these things but I've heard from a few people that Ibuprofen is nasty stuff and best avoided, but then that is coming from someone who darn near refuses to take any drugs or put any chemicals in to his body.