Stickman Readers' Submissions December 26th, 2013

Christmas Eve in Pattaya, a 27,000 Baht Day

I'm trying to take a shower at the LK Empress at 5:30 AM on Christmas morning cursing my lack of hot water. As the hotel plumber tries to fix the issue I decide it is a perfect time to review the last 16 hours.

I arrived in Pattaya around 2:00 PM on Christmas eve in a Mercedes S Class. An excess that I feel was once again worth it for my trip from Bangkok. Wi-fi in the car, leather seats…that is the way to arrive. Image Limousine Thailand
can hook this up for you at around 10,800 baht. That however is not included in my calculations for my 27k baht day. The car pulls up at the LK Empress again around 2:00 PM and I am glad to be close to having a room and a place to lay my head
and shower after a long journey. I guess the following things aren't included in my 27k baht day either. But I tipped the driver 2k baht. Tipped the receptionist 1k baht. Tipped the bellman 500 baht. Irrational exuberance grips me when
I first arrive in Thailand as may be apparent.

He Clinic Bangkok

I only start cutting into the said 27k when I dig into the money I had exchanged. So far I am running on left over baht from the last trip.

The LK Empress has a fairly gaudy / opulent lobby depending on your point of view and is located between sois 11 and 12 on Beach Road. Closer to 12, I suppose….in fact the entrance is on soi 12 at the corner. I unpack and hit the shower.
Hot water nit noi. I say Dammit for the first time this trip. I power through an almost cold shower and head downstairs to speak to the lady who I had tipped 1k baht. She makes a call and tells me she will send someone to fix it.
I walk out of the hotel confident it will all be handled.

I grab some salmon at the hotel restaurant. Not amazing, but decent. 400 baht with tip. As I walk down Beach Road at around 4:00 PM I realize that it is actually quite cold for Pattaya. I almost wish I had a long-sleeved shirt and pants
on. I forgot my nail clippers so decide to go to a massage, nail place to relax and have a girl handle them. 100 baht + 100 baht tip. During the clipping I am treated to an older Belgium man who proceeds to tell me every city he has ever visited
in his life. Sometimes it is interesting to hear a snap shot of someone's life…not so much in this case.

CBD bangkok

I head over to Secrets as I had reserved the Secrets Yacht for later in the week and thought I would head over to see if I could recruit a crew for the day trip I had planned. It's early in the day and I meet the day-time mamasan.
Dan the manager I had dealt with via email is not there but I have a nice chat with the mamasan and let her know I'm looking for top-shelf girls that might want to take a voyage on the yacht. Come back after 9 PM when the night-time ladies
arrive, she advises. She promises to let the night-time mamasan know what I am looking for. A couple of thousand baht on drinks and tips spent and I head to my next location.

I have never been to Devil's Den before and I thought that there was plenty of time to squeeze in this experience before my 9 PM appointment. As I arrive at Devils Den I am reminded of Eden Club in Bangkok. Good reason as the original
owner of Eden had opened Devil's Den as well. The manager is half Thai but speaks perfect American English. I know my British friends…saying American English is any sort of perfect is a bit of an abomination but I could tell he grew
up in America is what I mean. Devil's Den files in the girls. Ten of them were available at that moment. They have the yellow line like Eden. A-level on the right…no A-level on the left. There is something about deciding on A-level
in advance that makes me not want to do it. Anyway, there are two very petite non A-level girls on the left that look like a great combo so I pick them. By the way, just as with Eden Club you have to pick minimum 2 girls, all girls are bi

Devil's Den rooms are a little nicer in my opinion. Things seem just a tad cleaner. The girls handle business and I will not be too detailed but hopefully I can get away with saying that their pre-show totally blew me away. I had
paid for two hours rather than 90 minutes…that was seriously optimistic. I was done much sooner and then a four hand massage went on for sometime. Tipped the girls 500 baht each and then paid the bill downstairs which had included a round
of drinks, 4,400 baht all up, I believe. I also gave the manager a 300 baht tip because I appreciated having my filth explained to me by an American.

It's only 7:45 so I walk down to sois 7 & 8 to see if I can meet anyone from last year. Nope. As per usual every girl that I remember from last year is gone…somewhere else that night at least. There is a place in the middle
of soi 8 that has a live band. The band was actually the same as last year except the singer had changed. I chatted up a hostess and bought a round for the behind the bar staff. No ringing the bell this year but I like buying drinks for people
who don't often have drinks bought for them. The girl is a Liverpool fan and makes fun of my Pattaya United shirt. Geez, I thought that was the perfect shirt to buy on EBay and wear in Pattaya. Man, was I wrong! No home town spirit at
all. 3k baht later I walk out having pissed off my hostess antagonizer by calling her friend hot and buying her a drink. "You make me lose face!" she tells me. "Mot laou", I tell her and brush her away. She had
a shitty attitude. I resolve to never return to that bar again. I'm spending stupid amounts of money so don't be a bitch, sweety.

wonderland clinic

8:45 and I grab a moto taxi back to Secrets. Riding a motorcycle taxi on Beach Road at 9 PM in high season is most likely more dangerous than a lot of things but it is the only way to navigate the snarl of traffic. I guess I have spent
a couple hundred baht on taxis at this point. 40 – 50 baht each ride and I usually double it with a tip. For Christ sake 50 baht is like $1.50. It's Christmas..tip them. Makes them smile.

I walk in and the night mamasan is aware of my getting the boat from the day mamasan and immediately ushers over all the girls. Apparently they are all interested in going on the yacht. I end up picking 6 of them that are all sufficiently
hot. We agree on 2k baht for each of them for the day. This doesn't include any extra as this would be negotiated with whoever I decide to do more with. The boat has like 3 or 4 bedrooms by the way. I'm so happy they are excited
to go. I buy endless rounds and then play dice games for more rounds. I get to meet Dan briefly who is obviously a great guy. I request songs which they play. They have free food being passed around for Christmas. I spend enough that I get
to play a game where I hit a button which acts like a slot machine with a program on the TV. Free drink! Free appetizer! What a cool idea. I think my bar bill was like 6k? I sort of don't remember as I had drank a lot and tipped 200 baht,
200 baht, 200 baht to 2 mamasans and many of the girls going on the boat. I had put 20k baht in my wallet when I left earlier. I now notice that I have 500 baht.

I couldn't barfine a girl now if I wanted to. I head back to my hotel and get another 20k. Round trip back to Walking Street with motorcycle taxis. Back in to Secrets I realize I have no idea who I will barfine. I had been partying
with six girls. They are all hot and fun. I decide to make them roll dice to decide who I take. One girl roles a 6. We have a winner. She is stunning, perfect body, cute face. Looking back on things I realize now that she was a little shy…something
that should have foreshadowed how the rest of the night would go. But because of the situation I didn't want to pick the girl. Chance was the only way for the girls to stay happy if not picked. I then find out that it's 11 PM on
Christmas Eve and the barfine is double before 1 AM. Great, 2k baht for a barfine. I pay it and we go. I know it's 3k for long-time in Pattaya but this girl is a stunner and I tell her 4k.

Anyway she is very very nice and we hang out for a while talking about this and that. I'm going to be polite here and just say the experience was worth 6k baht in the same way that an ice-cream cone is worth 6k baht. I had not chosen
correctly. I had not negotiated in the bar before leaving. I had not really understood what type of personality I was getting. Hot does not equal fun in bed. Not sure how many times I need to go to Thailand to learn this but apparently a lot
more times. I really liked her however and we had a good time. She left 3 hours later and I just wanted to sleep. She will be on the boat and I don't want any problems so I just chalk up the less than amazing experience to a life lesson.

So it's Christmas morning. I have no hot water at the LK Empress. The plumber was just here after my second reporting of the problem and says they will need to fix it tomorrow. I will take a Merry Christmas cold shower and try not
to go through so much money today.

Merry Christmas from your Pattaya correspondent,

American Ling

Stickman's thoughts:

What a way to see in Christmas!

nana plaza