Stickman Readers' Submissions June 14th, 2013

The Mongering Philanthropist Part 2

The previous chapter saw our hero winning a small fortune but finding it still did not bring him much joy with western women decides to come to Thailand for a holiday.

Part 2. It’s just like coming home

He Clinic Bangkok

I arrive at Suvarnabhumi airport the beginning of December. The Thai air flight arrived early afternoon which is a convenient time to arrive. The earlier Thai flight means you arrive at 0600 in the morning which plays havoc with your inner time clock and invariably your room is not ready. The afternoon arrival lets you get into local time much easier. As my taxi descends off the flyover into the Suhkumvit area I get a strong feeling of coming home. My destination is the infamous Nana Hotel.

With my new found wealth I could have stayed at a more upmarket establishment like the Marriot or Landmark but the Nana Hotel is fundamental to my Bangkok experience. It is referred to with affection as the Mothership. It was immortalised by Christopher G Moore in his Vincent Calvino novels as “The Brandy Hotel”. Oft described as the “Old folks home” or Pfizer junction, for over 30 years it has enjoyed a reputation as a sex-tourist friendly establishment for aficionados of all ages and nationalities.

Nestled in the shadow of the mighty Marriot Hotel it is a crumbling edifice that has inarguably seen better days. There are long standing rumours that more sand than cement was used in its construction and it will soon disintegrate and collapse. A fate many feel is long overdue. I have heard numerous stories that bar girls will refuse to stay the night in certain rooms reputed to be haunted by the pee (ghost) of dead farang who have topped themselves during a manifestation of the Bangkok blues.

CBD bangkok

I check in, enter my room and tip the bellboy who as usual is trying to sell me his auntie. I carefully hang my clothes up and put my toiletries in the bathroom. After a refreshing shower I put on a dark polo shirt and light chinos and make my way to the hotel’s Golden bar overlooking the Nana Tai. It is not yet 6 pm and lower Suhkumvit is slowly coming to life. Bar girls and ladyboys are taking their dinner at street side vendors before commencing their shift. There are a few ex pats around taking a cold beer before exploring the bars that employ the aforesaid ladies. I take a deep breath to soak in the ambiance. I also soak in the pollution and have a coughing fit.

I sit against the rail of the bar overlooking the busy Soi 4 and reflect here in Suhkumvit with 5000 baht one can have a night out and procure a beautiful young creature beyond your wildest dreams. For what the delightful Orchid had cost me for a quality tumble back in London I could have 10 almost equally delicious girls. In fact for what that evening cost me I could have flown to Bangkok and still had enough for those ten tumbles. I know I had money and no need for frugality but old habits die hard.

I take a saunter down to the Bus Stop restaurant and eat a Thai green curry to acclimatise myself to Thai food again. Tomorrow I will progress to something a little hotter. Suitably fuelled I take a stroll to Nana sky train and navigate the junction on Suhkumvit. I plot a course through so many obstacles and vendors that it has ceased to be a passage for pedestrians. At Nana station I remind myself of the zones and buy a ticket. The carriage is more crowded than I recall on previous visits but my destination is only one station. At Asoke I get off the train, walk through the underpass to Suhkumvit Metro up the steps and into Soi Cowboy.

I take a minute to take in the sights of this infamous Soi and then make my way to the Tilac bar. I remember the Tilac before it was renovated. It was used to film “Auf Wiedersehen Pet” and “Bridget Jones diary”. I recall my pal Bill telling me he tried to pass off as a member of the film crew to get to the free buffet that had been put on. That he was a regular at the bar and that all the girls knew him worked against him in this case. He did get to meet Hugh Grant however and said he was a decent cove. I still like the Tilac although it is no longer the best bar in the Soi; I believe Baccarat holds that honour.

wonderland clinic

I am pleased to find a couple of pals in their usual seats, I join them and we catch up on our respective news. After a while Bill goes home and Harry has an appointment with one of his harem. I had a look in the Long Gun and Sheba bars but was starting to feel the effects of jet lag. I take a motorbike taxi back to the Nana area

When I find myself sitting on the wall outside Lollipop sharing a bag of grasshoppers with the lady dwarf greeter I figured I had drunk enough and it was time for an early night alone.


Next morning I woke refreshed and early enough for a Nana breakfast. After a light repast I took the few steps to Nanas Golden bar which overlooked Nana Tai. I order a cup of coffee and watch the area come to life.

I had no particular plans that day I had an urge to maybe go to see some of the historic tourist sites perhaps the Royal Palace or a Wat or two but mercifully the urge quickly passed. I took the thought into a quiet corner and beat it with a big stick.

I later walked across Nana Soi and had an orange juice in the bar opposite. Seeing nothing that took my immediate fancy I strolled down the Soi and ended up in Hilary bar. As I settled in a comfortable seat well inside the bar I spotted a girl I recognised from a few years ago. She saw me and came over to me with a smile of recognition on her face.

Kim is in her late 30s I recall her working in the Golden bar a few years ago. She was a classic light skinned Thai beauty and I spent many an afternoon chatting with her then. She had told me the story how she had left Ayutthaya met an English guy who married her and took her home to England to run a pub in Nottingham. It had not worked out so she had returned to Thailand with her 6 year old daughter. I had never taken her, she was lovely but in my early visits I was naive and unbelievably didn’t realise she was available.

She had put on a little weight and had a few laughter lines but she would have still been the slimmest most elegant woman in my hometown. She greeted me like a long lost friend. I bought her a drink she sat with me and chatted for a while. I asked how she was doing. She told me her daughter was now 12 and admitted she couldn’t make big money as she wouldn’t work evenings as she tried to be home for her daughter. She declared she was happy she enjoyed the work and could be selective in the customers she went with. I offered to buy her another drink and as if on cue one of her friends joined us. Kim introduced the newcomer as her cousin Joy. Joy was an exotic dark Issan beauty in her late 30s; I asked her to sit with us and bought a round of drinks.

For the next hour the three of us engage in one of those wonderfully inane and amiable discussions borne from the indolence one has when there is nowhere to go, nothing to do and all day to do it in. Joy was a veteran who had clearly seen some service it was clear she had been a rare beauty in her youth and she told me her career included working the poles at Angelwitch and a spell at Long Gun but now she was nearing 40 she was considered too old for the pole.

I kept on the orange juice and was enjoying the company. Joy had made a routine perfunctory suggestion they go back to my room, Kim would provide a massage and Joy supply the manicure. The proposal was made in a casual manner more as a conditioned response but not really pushing it. However I thought about it, 1000 baht for bar fines, and 1000 baht for each girl plus a few drinks and comestibles ….. For an afternoons entertainment it represented a bargain compared to Bangkok evening tariffs never mind English rates.

A Bangkok old hand once enlightened me on the etiquette and practicalities essential for engagement in a threesome, an activity he referred to as the “Siamese waltz”. There are two basic principles, one is that the girls should be friends and comfortable enough to engage in this level of intimacy. It is no good just picking two random girls from a Go- go that take your fancy as it will not work. The second is to always consider the girls sense of sanuk, to work it should be FUN.

These girls fitted the first criteria and circumstances were conducive to the second I asked Kim if she was comfortable with this and receiving a nod the deal was struck.

We hot footed it the few yards to my room at the Mothership. I gave Joy a 500 baht note to go and procure drinks and snacks whilst Kim commenced the proceedings. I had always fancied Kim from years ago and was thrilled to see her naked body. She still looked good, her breasts had slight sag and had faint stretch marks on her belly but her face was still exquisite. As we climbed into the shower tub together I touched her waist and saw her neatly trimmed mudgeon the lead in my pencil, for so long a 4B became a more than passable 2H. She turned on the shower and began to soap me down.

I had left the catch off on the door so Joy let herself in stowed the supplies on the table and without delay stripped to join us in the tub. To my delight once stripped down Joy displayed a body that many of the Coyote dancers half her age would be envious of. She was well-toned with firm unblemished skin and not a tramp stamp or piecing to be seen. A full Brazilian trim completed the erotic vision.

In theory a Nana bathtub is not quite adequate to facilitate three occupants but we managed it to great oaths from me and a giggle from the girls. The contrast between Kim’s soft light skin and Joy’s dark toned flesh almost precipitated an early conclusion to events on my part.

We dried each other off and climbed into the bed. Other than to note Kim’s enthusiasm and a penchant to ride me high in the stirrups like a national hunt jockey and that Joy’s aperture had a grip like a freemason’s handshake I will not tender any further details. Not wishing to offend the delicate sensibilities of my gentle reader I will draw a veil over the proceedings. I am happy to say despite my lack of match practice I turned in a creditable performance.

The promised massage by Kim and a full manicure and pedicure from Joy completed the experience. At 6pm her shift complete Kim excused herself and left to see her daughter but Joy asked if she could stay with me. She said she did not want any more money but was comfortable and did not want to return to her apartment. With no specific plans that evening I readily agreed. After a rather agreeable second helping I took her to the Bus stop restaurant for diner and found her to be very pleasant and amusing company. She stayed the night with me and left around 6.00am. Declining my offer of breakfast I gave her another 1000 baht even though she had not asked for any more money. I felt invigorated; the afternoon session with two delightful older girls had certainly taken the phlegm off my chest and the hump from my back.

I take breakfast and end up in the Golden Bar again. One girl in particular catches my eye so I sit and have a drink with her. She was slender, willowy and dressed with some style. Her tailored cream slacks and classic silk blouse suggested she just had come out of the office to collect some paperwork rather than actually working in the bar. Her understated elegance seemed completely out of place even though she appeared quite comfortable in the surroundings. Although not a classic Thai beauty she had a lovely face that suggested a Chinese ancestry and was completely outside of my usual “spec”. We sat talking for some time as I was quite taken with this girl. I could quite easily see her becoming the third Mrs Phet. She was soft voiced and spoke with an eloquence that suggested she had a higher than usual education. She told me she was 37 but I would have believed her if she had said 20. We chatted a while but when I asked if she would like to spend the afternoon with me she then told me she did not go with customer for sex.

I initially thought “sod it” if she doesn’t fancy me… so be it. However I thought about it for a moment. I was hungry and didn’t particularly enjoy eating alone so asked if she would have lunch with me. She seemed happy with that so I paid the bar fine and we took an agreeable repast in the Nana restaurant. I was glad I did as Kae turned out to be a delightful dining companion. After an hour of pleasant conversation I gave her 1000 baht and let her go her own way. I returned to my room for a short nap before the evening’s festivities.

I had an amusing incident that evening on my way to meet my pals in Soi 33. I caught a scooter taxi that went a rather strange route. This involved actually mounting the pavement by Nana BTS; a route took us on the pedestrian area in front of an Indian tailor shop. Picture the scene I am on the back of bike slowly passing the shop almost running over the feet of an Indian standing outside his shop. The Hindu salesman’s pavlovian reaction to seeing a farang is an immediate and unthinking “Hello sir do you want a nice suit?” In retrospect I should have shocked him by instructing the driver to enter the shop on the bike.

I caught up with the usual suspects Bill Harry and Mack in the Office bar in Soi 33. I never thought I would say this but I was feeling slightly bored with the Go-go bar scene and wondered what the alternatives were. I mentioned this to my pals and enquired if there were any other venues like the discos that I should try. Mack laughed and told me to relax; He suggested I had caught Newbie guilt fever.

I retorted “How can I still be considered a newbie, I have been coming here for nearly ten years”.

Noting my mild indignation Mack continued with a grin “You are now in the chronic second phase called good girl syndrome “.

Seeing the bemused look on my face Harry took up the cudgel “Because finding women here is like shooting fish in a barrel you begin to feel slightly troubled about how easy it is”.

Bill joined in “The cultural conditioning and brainwashing you receive back home makes you feel unworthy so you start thinking about trying your hand with a good girl to temper your guilt. We all went through it ourselves years ago.”

My pals had decided it was time to reacquaint me with a few facts of life. They reminded me as a visitor who only comes once or twice a year I was unlikely to enter into Hi So society. Many of the young modern Thai princesses were no less difficult than western women and even more mercenary. Mack explained that going to discos could be unnecessarily expensive and all you really end up saving is the bar fine. Bill suggested I should immediately forget trying to a find nice ordinary Thai girl.

Harry added “If you want a girlfriend find a farm fresh girl in one of the bars but be prepared to sponsor them, their family and a small Issan province” He continued. “Even demure shop and office girls would expect some level of funding simply because you are a farang”.

Mack added “And don’t forget you couldn’t afford to sponsor any girl, after two marriages you haven’t got two brass farthings to rub together”.

I pulled out my empty trouser pockets and we all laughed. “OK then” I said “let us all go to the Dollhouse and ogle some pussy”.

I realised I had not told my friends about the change in my fortunes and I also realised this conversation had the objective of saving me from a lot of heartache and a lot of wasted time and money. Their comments could have been thought as very cynical but were well intentioned and I considered them merely pragmatic. It certainly returned my sense of perspective.


I did however have plans for a little variety in my schedule. The Saturday I had a lady coming down from the Issan to see me. Over the years I had met a few Thai ladies from Thai Love Links. I had met up with them on previous trips which made a nice break from my mongering activities, like proper dates. My ladies included nurses, teachers and shop assistants. Over the years there had been some attrition in my list. Nan had met a young French man, I lost touch with Anna, Rose decided I was a waste of her time, Su married a policeman from Newcastle and Sa recently got engaged to a chap in Chester. I had not refreshed my inventory because my trips had become less frequent so my list had reduced. In fact there was only one lady who still conversed with me. In 3 years we had progressed from TLL to the more intimate MSN.

Phai is a widow lady in her late 40s, and although we had chatted for some years we had never actually met. We had often talked of meeting but my schedules had never allowed it on previous visits. In truth although she was attractive knowing she was an extremely traditional Thai lady I did not think she would be comfortable meeting a wicked farang devil so had never particularly pressed for an rendezvous.

I did however enjoy our twice weekly chats I would often tease her about her traditional conservative outlook and occasionally risked a little mild innuendo in an attempt to shock her. I was always careful not to go too far out of respect although I must confess I did once, out of devilment prompted by a few beers and a mild impatience with her demure assertions, send her a photo of my erect Hampton. That she did not comment I suspected she enjoyed it more than she would admit.

This trip I had arranged no other assignation and I had a lot more time on my hands and a bit more money in my pocket I suggested she meet me and I would pay her air fare down to Bangkok from Udon Thani. Being a very conservative lady she refused the air flight and said would come down on the bus. We arranged to rendezvous at the Sky train station at Siam at midday on the Saturday afternoon. I made my way on the Sky train and waited at the appointed place at the bottom of the escalator which I thought was the likeliest route from the bus station that would bring her.

My chosen spot was a wonderful position to observe the spectacle of young women making their way to their Saturday shopping so I was not worried if she was late, as Thai women invariably are. I put it to the house that there is no better spectacle in the world than the sight of young Thai shop girls and University students in the uniform of white blouses and black knee length skirts going about their business.

I make no apologies for my voyeuristic inclinations. All pretty girls are put on earth to be observed and enjoyed. I have a theory that if they are not ogled a gap appears in the space time continuum and the known universe will be sucked into a black hole ending all life in the cosmos. Or maybe I have watched far too many episodes of “Dr Who?”

I was awaked from my reverie by a tap on the shoulder. “Hello you are Phet….I am Phai” the voice said, I was confronted by a slim petite lady who was far more attractive than her photos suggested. Thai women are extremely photogenic and I had previously been mildly disappointed in the past. But this lady was quite delicious dressed in a pink Tee shirt and a loose white cotton skirt that was both demure and exotic. Her hair was cut in a short bob, I looked at her face and although she had a few lines around her eyes I could not believe she was the 45 years she claimed to be. The smile she gave me would have illuminated a small auditorium.

I suspect most of my expat pals who have lived in the kingdom would have not been particularly impressed but at that moment as a bloke who lives in England and rarely sees even a discernible waistline, she looked absolutely wonderful.

I formally introduced myself with a handshake and a “Yin tee dee tai ruachay kap” then gave her a kiss on the cheek. I gave her my full on charming smile and I swear she blushed. I suggested we go have a look around the shops in Siam and she nodded. We walked back up the escalators to the temple of retail.

For the first time in some years because of my new found wealth I was not apprehensive about spending a few quid. We walked around the shops and I suggested purchasing her some little gifts which she refused. I got the impression she was definitely not interested in spending my money a somewhat unique experience with an Asian women. I did persuade her to let me buy her a dress to take her out that evening. Much to my delight she chose a modest little knee length number in a rather unusual shade of blue.

We returned to Suhkumvit area for lunch, we went into Bully’s as I fancied a steak. Phai ate a Pad Thai as she did not yet understand farang food. She told me a little about her life and family. As we chatted I established her English was reasonable but stilted and formal which suggested although educated she did not have much experience of talking with westerners.

I took her to the hotel with the excuse we could have a rest before we went out for the evening. I was careful not to scare her knowing she was the archetypal shy Thai lady. Once she was settled in the room I tentatively kissed her. I treated her as if I was with a teenage virgin rather than a middle aged lady but once I got her engine running she was a regular little vixen and I could not believe her sexual hunger.

I have a rule of thumb for establishing whether a girl is a bar girl or a good girl and it is if they have shaved their mudgeon or not. A bar girl will trim or shave her pussy whilst an ordinary girl will tend to leave it untrimmed. I do accept that this is good test when naked in the bedroom but probably not a great deal of use if you are meeting in Starbucks.

I was not surprised to find she had not trimmed at all and was exceptionally hirsute. I had visions of a WW2 Japanese soldier emerging at some point in the proceedings. She was extremely responsive to my gentle caresses and was soon quivering like the highly tensioned bowstring of a Stradivarius violin. She was particularly receptive to the administration of my skilful tongue on her dithery bit, a pleasure she admitted she had never received before. As she lay in my arms in the post coital languor I could imagine the courage it must have taken for a respectable lady to make this assignation. I felt quite an admiration and growing affection for her.

We take a shower together and had her giggling like a little girl as I soaped her down. She was slowly becoming comfortable with the intimacy. As I later watched her getting ready putting on her makeup and preparing her hair I reflect it was one of the simple intimacies I miss living alone. She put on her new little blue dress and smoothed it down her slim hips, she looked exquisite. I remarked she was suay maak and would certainly raise some eyebrows in her staffroom at school if they saw how glamorous she looked.

We went to the Landmark hotel for dinner in the Huntsman bar. After a pleasant repast we watch the excellent Philippine band that has entertained there for many years. She was most impressed with both dinner and the entertainment. Out of devilment I took her to see a couple of go-go bars in the Plaza. Initially shocked I believe she was quietly excited at her sinful adventure. I suspected she would have an interesting tale to tell her colleagues in the staff room next week.

When we returned to the hotel there was less urgency and our lovemaking was relaxed and affectionate. She told me it had been five years since she had been with a man and I was the first man she had been with since her husband.

The next morning I am gently woken by a kiss on the cheek. As I opened my eyes to a big wicked smile she took my hand and placed it between her legs where I found she was now cleanly shaven. She must have got up whilst I was asleep to do this I suspect she had enjoyed my tongue and decided removal of her pubic hair would facilitate better access for my linguist endeavour. Happy to oblige I quivered my eyebrows and descend below the covers to screams of delight from my little schoolmarm. An hour later I called room service for a light breakfast.

Although she was reluctant to release me from my bedroom duties she was also restless, she wanted to return home as she was due at school the next day. The journey by bus was 10 hours and she sensed if she was to get home at a reasonable time she needed to leave Bangkok Mo chit bus station by midday at the latest.

I suggested she forget the bus and let me pay for a flight. I reckoned a one way trip would be about an hour and would cost less than 3000 baht. I suggested she take the flight then she could leave around tea time. She found her phone and made a short call. She informed me the call was to her brother in law who was a travel agent.

It was less than 10 minutes when she had a return call. She had been booked on a flight at 1900 and would cost 2500 baht which her brother in law had booked on his account. I immediately gave her the cash telling her to give it to him on her return. I thought she would burst into tears. We stayed in bed for another hour before finally taking a shower together and getting dressed. As I shaved and felt a little rash appear on my chin I realised she had used my best razor to shave with.

We went for a late lunch in the Nana restaurant before taking a taxi to the old Don Muang airport together. As I saw her flight off I promised to come up to see her on Boxing Day. I suspect she did not believe me but she seemed happy to hear it. I have been bewitched by Thai women before on several occasions but the gentle Phai had definitely left an impression on me.

I returned by taxi back to Nana plaza and had a couple of beers in Las Vegas enjoying the show. I then went to Erotica which was well-appointed bar with some lovely girls on stage I was most impressed with the mamasan an astute and delightful older lady. I sat chatting with her and bought a few drinks but she declined my offer to bar fine her. I was secretly relieved as the enchanting Phai had left me exhausted and I probably needed a day to recover. I returned alone to the Nana hotel and slept the sleep of the just. Tomorrow I was making my way down to Pattaya aka Sin City on sea for a few days rest and a little sea air.

To be continued


nana plaza