Marry or Monger? Part 1 of 3 – Monger, Don’t Marry
In a submission last year I described a good-girl / bargirl dilemma and asked for advice. I was delighted to receive 13,000 words of counsel from some of the best writers on this site as well as from others who had never emailed a submission writer before. A lot of thought went into these words so they deserve to be shared, anonymously of course, so that others may benefit.
The background: After a year of intense dating my introverted Asian good-girl (thirteen years younger, a sharp head-turner without being a stunner) had been putting me under pressure to put a ring on her finger. She was desirable except for nervous underperformance in bed. I had to choose her or lose her, to choose between marriage or mongering. In my submission I had asked senior Stickmanites to advise me whether as I entered my sixties I could safely accept mediocre sex as part of an otherwise high-value Asian package.
The 28 recommendations I received were, in descending order:
1. Monger, don’t marry her. (9, average age 50).
2. Monger and marry her (8, average age 45).
3. Marry her, don’t monger (5, average age 55).
4. Best of luck, old chap (6).
Stickman readers recommended mongering (while single or married) over being a faithful husband by over 3:1. On average the elder readers said to marry and not monger; the younger readers said to do both concurrently. I’ve anonymized and condensed their compelling arguments, wise counsel, and sometimes unusual stories for the benefit of other men who may find themselves at a GG-BG crossroads someday.
Monger, Don’t Marry
Sixties: It’s your life, enjoy it for yourself not for some ice queen. If a woman doesn’t respond to your request for more passion then it isn’t coming and you will miss it for damned sure if you marry her. When you tell her you aren’t happy, she’ll turn it up for a while. We all say we want love but we are not able to put up with their agendas the way a young man can. At least in Asia we have a better chance at calling the shots than we ever do back home. I have mongered for a decade. Try mongering, you will learn more about yourself and taste so much variety you won’t look back. When you get to 65, you don’t care if you die alone and the less you can tolerate a condom (I can only wear one if charged up on Viagra and the girl gives me good head). If you want love find a 60 year old or love the one who never leaves you—yourself. Marriage is an unnatural state if no kids. I have had numerous circumstances with women that I did not satisfy their demand for marriage after a certain time. Women will do anything to get married. They get us addicted then lay down their demands. I prefer my freedom and solitude.
Fifties: The sexual appetite of a Chinese woman (and I’ve had a few) rarely changes, so what you have is what you are going to be stuck with, irrespective of whether you put a ring on it or not. Often the sex (and frequency) gets worse after tying the knot. As a consequence of both culture and upbringing, Chinese women are more conservative sexually than their Thai or Flip counterparts—of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but it may take you another lifetime to discover one. Since the day our child was born, my Chinese wife slept with her offspring and that so ruined our sex life that I had to look elsewhere on the side. My long-term marriage to her ended because of her affair, and since my divorce I have found myself jumping up and down on everything from Thai BGs to Filipina maids looking for exercise and the improbable chance of marriage and security. This is in addition to regional business trips sampling young pussies of all persuasion. Your decision to propose to GG for companionship reasons, thereby sacrificing some of your sexual ambitions, is fraught with danger. I couldn’t give up my sexual adventures simply to place more priority on the soul-mate ideology. I find that my sexual needs are even now greater than when in my 30’s and 40’s, something I didn’t previously believe was possible! If the bedroom needs aren’t met at my current stage of life, then I could still be easily tempted into fornication. Compatibility isn’t everything, and a like-minded GG outlook like yours could quite possibly be discovered again in another female punter (there are millions out there!). I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to listen intently to Little Head until he has had his day.
Forties: I was living with a Chinese women for a decade and she enjoyed sex more than me. She’s middle-aged now and still demands sex daily from her new, younger boyfriend and gets angry if she doesn’t have an orgasm every time. Sex was always good with her and that is the only reason I stayed faithful to her. Before I visited Thailand I suffered from impotence from time to time and just chalked it up to age. Now I realize, it’s not Viagra I need, it’s variety! The ladies that I liked the most on an intellectual basis were also the worst in the bedroom; when I finally found a couple of girls that would be more than just sex and everything else matched, it still wasn’t enough to make up for mediocre sex. Maybe a women can live with a guy that can never get it up and still be happy, but I’m not that way and I don’t think most guys are either. I don’t need a women to stroke my ego or for deep philosophical debate; if I want to have a laugh I have male friends for that. Some of the best sex I ever had was with women that spoke no English. There was no complaining, explaining—just doing what I wanted. I’ve never had any problems getting it up for girls the first time, which proves to me that Viagra is not what is needed. Stick to the girls that turn you on. If you are not getting wood with one girl, it’s nature’s way to say move on. When you stop fucking hot girls, you stop living, so I say keep it up as long as you can possibly afford it and the equipment still functions.
Fifties: I find that no matter what age or circumstance you can only enjoy sex if the other person is into it and turns you on. I guess that answers your question about should you marry GG or not. She might be good in all areas but if she doesn’t turn you on or you’re not happy with her in bed then you’re just not happy any time of the day. We spend about 8 hours daily in bed and if you have a partner then she will be in the bed with you. If two people can’t be happy spending 1/3 of the day together then there is really no reason to be together at all. From my experience most Asian females are deadbeats in bed; you would have to be happy to find a diamond in the rough of Asian females that enjoys sex. They are out there but hard to find.
Forties: I am now happily married to a Thai and we live in Thailand. Filipinas and Thai are a better lay than Chinese, but you must try more Chinese, because some of them can be steamy too! Sex is the most important factor in a healthy marriage and the best sex is to be had with Filipinas. The next are honesty and respect. I would caution against GG if sex isn’t remarkable with her because if you marry her you may become dependent on secret liaisons with other women to satisfy your urges and that is not healthy for your relationship. Do some self-criticism—if you do, you may discover that you value your freedom most of all. I think you are much better off with BGs than with GG.
Sixties: I find that I have lost a little interest in sex; the burning animalism that I had is no longer there. There were times when I felt that I was incomplete if I did not have a woman that I loved next to me in bed. Now I enjoy the peace of living alone. Ten years ago I married a Thai BG whom I was hoping to transform into a GG. I think I succeeded in at least partially transforming her. We separated and divorced. I did not divorce her because of infidelity although there were some red flags that she was fooling around; I divorced her because of her volatility, threats to kill me, violence, etc. While married, sex was good but not as good as the BG experience. The longer we were married, sex became less and less frequent, largely due to the arguments. Although she was Thai (and I find Thais generally to be somewhat unintelligent), she was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. At this point of my life and with the experiences I have had, faith and trust in a woman has been replaced with, “What do you want from me?” I’d much rather have the prostitute who is up front about what she does then a woman who says she loves me but really has a hidden agenda to separate me from my wealth. So after now being much older and going through all the cycles of whore mongering, marriage, divorce, etc I find that for me, the best is to rent the pussy. I do not even particularly care for women because I now view most of them as mercenaries but I need the sex. I bring in my regular every few days—I am happy when she is here and I am happy when she leaves. What I am doing now works well for me but it took some time to get here. If you marry this lady, you know that you going to get lackluster sex. Even though she may not do some of the stupid things that BGs do, you still may have a host of other cultural differences. You may end up with not only bad sex but an unrewarding lifetime relationship—the worst situation to be in!
Sixties: I was an incurable romantic, spending most of my adult life married. I had two western wives, a Chinese wife and now a Thai wife, plus many BGs and some GGs along the way. I have learned that marriage was an institution created by “society” to keep us slaves to their “values.” De-westernize yourself. Seek happiness and mutual support. Chinese are the most consummate long-term actresses in the world, clearly fixed on financial uplifting. They have a saying “As soon as a woman gets married she starts looking over her shoulder for a better chance”. This explains how while you THINK you have a GG, one day she ups and leaves without warning, fighting or distress to herself. This is the typical Chinese end with a westerner. The right answer is to enjoy the sex for as long as you can and to do so on a balanced basis with your women, i.e. give in accordance with what you get. BGs and GGs both trade pussy for money: GGs aim for long term major gains either by divorce or death, whereas BGs give a known product for a modest fee as often as they can. The main difference is not in them but in us:
1. If we are not super charged in our sexual needs we look for other attributes more in our girls, and to that extent a GG may provide more of that. On the other hand,
2. If we are still highly sexed then another GG will only lead to frustration. In this case BGs are the answer, seriatim until you find the most sexually compatible one.
Because I am of the latter group I think a girl with an “hard edge” is better, and ultimately more honest, predictable and so manageable financially. This leads to serial monogamy (no point fucking around if you find the one that makes you happy). It depends on US not THEM. My life is now about serial monogamy without much hope of longevity, while all the time enjoying the firmness of a younger Thai woman without condoms, and giving her money to satisfy her needs and not greed and accepting that if/when it ends I will not be unhappy because I enjoyed my time with her and it only cost me what I could afford to lose, which was in any event less than a hooker in the west and much less than a wife in the west. Everybody is happy for the time they were together and depart without anger. How good is that? This is why the western women hate us!
Unknown: You are getting up there old boy and while you may be able to have a full sexual experience for many more years, that part of your life is surely not going to be front and center. However, if you marry her you will not be satisfied sexually, and you will continue philandering. If on the other hand, you cut her loose, my prediction is that you will look at her as the one that got away. Don’t go for a BG! I have lived in Asia for twenty years and had experiences with woman from many countries. I would say Chinese women don’t enjoy sex as much as some of the others, for example the insatiable Japanese girls, but in general I have found them to be good in bed. I’ve been married to one for a decade and our sex life, while it has its cycles, has always been important and we have made a concerted effort to do it once or twice a week, with some experimentation to spice it up. Give the relationship more time and try fucking her everyday for two weeks (use Viagra if necessary). Continue to bring her off orally but also experiment with butt plugs, vibrators, role playing, etc. Encourage her to masturbate in front of you, together with you, and on her own. I have a feeling that she has a bit of a sex goddess lurking underneath all that prim-and-proper exterior that is begging to get out. If you try and if she still is not able to open up, then my advice is cut her loose.
Unknown: If a long-term relationship with GG is going to work, it will depend on three relatively simple things. Firstly, you actually really have to like each other as you are, not some idealized picture of each other. If you don’t, this will give you a massive problem. A part of this is that she has to understand and accept that one aspect of you is that you love sex, and that good exciting sex is very important to you, and that this is a very important part of who you are. Secondly, you both have to communicate well, and really understand each other. The fact is that if you will be trying to teach her to become an amazing lover for you, it will depend almost entirely on how well you communicate with her. You have to try to be her teacher and her coach. Thirdly, if either of you can’t find a balance with sex, then you will be headed for trouble. I think you should maybe give yourself six months to see if you can’t help her to discover and enjoy her own sexuality. There are heaps of resources on the internet that can help. You could try to massage her. You could try watching porn together. Spend a lot of time talking and re-assuring her. If this fails, then you should definitely not marry her.
Coming next: Part 2–Monger and Marry