Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 358

  • Written by Dana
  • December 15th, 2012
  • 5 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok



Hello Dana fans: before we get started today, a little housekeeping of the warning and the informational variety. To wit: if you are corresponding with Stickmanbangkok.com on an issue do not put Attn: any particular girl's name anymore.

The turnover rate at Stickmanbangkok.com offices in Bangkok is now so great that you can not depend on anything. Apparently, Stick and his managers go through office staff like prunes go through an old lady. Foomy? She quit to work in road sewers cleaning out pipes. Said the job had more dignity. Clarissa Cleavage from Oslo? She quit to dress up in a little girl's costume and sell flowers to tourists on the ground floor of the Nana Entertainment Plaza. Said the job paid better and there were benefits. Boomer Slapshot's girlfriend Pencildick from Crotchburi? She quit to knock coconuts down on the boardwalk in Pattaya. I am not 100% sure what she said when I asked her why she quit working for Stickmanbangkok.com. There was a lot of arm waving and yelling and throwing things. For a second I flashbacked to several girlfriend experiences of mine.

And there is the sad, in my opinion, case of Lysol Porntip who spent many years working for Stickmanbangkok. com in Bangkok. She watched the rise of a small not significant personal hobby blog for friends turn into a financial colossus. She helped Stick branch out into petrochemicals, Hong Kong movie production, Indian telemarketing accent removal schools, ring-tone condoms, and mule rentals to the Burmese yaa baa drug shipments trade. She was great with Golden Triangle mules. Animals loved her. And, not to put too fine a point on it, she knew how to keep her mouth shut. If you know what I mean. Current female office support staff at Stickmanbangkok. com are now required to wear dog muzzles so that they can not tell any secrets, but Lysol was in on the game early and knew how to keep her mouth shut. Not that there is anything about Stickmanbangkok. com that you would have to keep your mouth shout about: just sayin' is all.

Anyway, even she jumped ship. Now she gives massages to obese foreigners on the beach on Ko Larn. Says she gets more respect. Like I said, a warning and information. Don't send any communications of importance to Lysol Porntip c/o Stickmanbangkok.com Worldwide Enterprises. She's not there anymore. She's kneeling on a fat farang's back: asking if he wants a 'special' massage. Beats working for Stickman. Sad.

To iterate: when communicating with Stickmanbangkok. com do not address your correspondence to any particular member of the office staff by name. She's probably not there anymore. Pretend you are a WWI British officer sending a letter to some soldier at the front. Just send it General Delivery.

And now: four fun ideas from the Bits and Pieces Dept. Stuff you won't get from 'real' writers. Hey, and do you know what real writers call non-production? They say they have writer's block. Do you know what we say? Who cares what we say? Why would we say anything? We are too busy writing.

LONGEST

The longest place-name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwe–
nuakit nattahu. No I am not making this up. It is a New Zealand hill. Imagine what a New Zealand mountain would have been called. Oh, those crazy Mauris. Stick is from New Zealand. I wonder what his name is in Mauri. Somebody should do research on this.

and . . .

Dana Note:

Pattaya Gary owes me $500.00. You can't change people, you can only decide if you are going to love them or not. I love this guy. Still, l I do not loan money expecting it to turn into a gift. I expect to be paid back. A loan is a contract. Contract law followed is a measure of adultness and respect and friendship. Like I said, Pattaya Gary owes me $500.00. Normally, I would not burden Stickmanbangkok.com readers with my personal life but I need advice.

To wit: I don't think he intends to pay me back and he feels guilty about it. So for the last couple of months he has been giving me the phone numbers of girls to call. When I make the call they always know who I am. They have been expecting me to call. They are well rehearsed and excited about us getting together. Sex with these wonderful ladies is always immediate and fabulous. So far I have been turned on to seven ladies by Pattaya Gary: Fem and Lem and Dem and Kem and Rem and Wan and a Caveman castoff called Kumguat.

I don't know quite what to do. Should I remind Pattaya Gary of his moral obligation to pay me back the $500.00 I loaned him, or should I just let it go and leave things as they are? Let me know what you think.

Today's Dana Memory Quote:

"I couldn't smell horse plop in an stable, but a woman in Honduras can smell a musk ox in Siberia." And you think you are going to fool your Thai girlfriend? Think again.

and . . .

ON VEGANISM

There is no God and life has no meaning. We are insignificant carbon based life forms inhabiting a useless rock hurtling through an indifferent space towards an unimportant future. We make no mark, we leave no memory, we hold on to no love, and we have no value. And, in addition to this, I am not allowed to eat cheeseburgers or chocolate shakes? Oh please: give me a break. Grab the reins. Give me a cheeseburger. Give me a shake.

In service to monger and Pattaya humanity the Church of Dana service of December 30th will be making cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes available to everyone after the service. Sit down tables and no limits. If you want three cheeseburgers and two shakes you can have them. It's a church. It is all about the love.

I will be there, Fa will be there, 500 Baht Walt will be coming down from the Mothership, Union Hill will be there, Pattaya Gary will be there, Chiang Mai Kelly will be there, and the office girls from Dana Enterprises will be there. Ask yourself this question: what did they really serve at the Last Supper? Do you think Christ got ready for his future on carrots and lettuce leaves? No way. Just sayin'. Eat the way Christ ate. Cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes. Resurrection food.




Stickman's thoughts:

For the record, it should be pointed out that Pattaya Gary does not owe money to anyone!