Stickman Readers' Submissions September 10th, 2012

Why I Prefer To Have An Asian Girlfriend – Another Reply To Jayson

Jayson wrote a piece about why Farang men say that they hate farang women. His main assumption is that those men do not have access to the pretty farang women, resembling Jessica Alba and Angelina Jolie, and that they are therefore confined
to either damaged / lower class Isaan and Filipina women or ugly fat western women with armpit hair. I would however like to argue that Jayson's generalizations only apply to one type of western male preferring Asian women and that he is
apparently not aware in what kind of position he is. Let me start explaining the latter statement. As an overseas Asian you will have plenty of access to the local women in your native country since being overseas stands for security, prosperity,
exotism (but not too exotic) and you are assumed to have certain preferable values. It is therefore a bit childish to look down upon western men with ugly women in your country while you have access to the better-looking women. It is because you
are overseas, so it is no big deal. Try settling in a completely foreign country other than USA or Thailand (let’s say Turkey) and you will be struggling with other foreigners to get the crème de la crème of local beauties –
forget it. You seemed to have forgotten the position you are in. I am half Turkish / half European, and I know that in Turkey I am in a better position than in any other country to have access to beautiful women because a) Turkey like Thailand
is a developing country and b) in our respective countries we are in a higher social class because we are overseas. Therefore, like I said, no big deal.

Second, Jayson’s main assumption is only related to guys going to Thailand to find a wife within two weeks claiming that they were forced to do this because western women are so evil and ugly. But there are some very valid reasons
why so-called farangs dislike western women, and especially in Asia I am in a better position to back my preference since I have Asian women as reference material and I can judge my own culture and its women from a different angle.

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I completely disagree with some ‘farangs’ hating ‘farang women’ because ‘farang women’ are supposed to be over-emancipated, not submissive enough, or “feminazis”. It is also funny how
some men see themselves as ‘victims’ in their own respective countries because women have too much power. Some claims are even more ridiculous e.g. stating that there is a very true fear of women accusing you of rape after you have
had sex with them. I would also not like to identify myself with old men thinking that they have the right to have a twenty year younger girlfriend. I also completely disagree with the racist views which foreigners harbor on local Asian men. I
do not know much about Thailand or Thai men, but I know that in Vietnam among expats the same stereotypes are applied on Vietnamese men. They are wife-beaters, lazy, unfaithful and so on. It’s total crap, because how could any society function
with these “beasts”, being the norm rather the exception, leading the country and its economy. While I do agree that views on sex are perhaps different in Vietnam/Asia and as my married Vietnamese friend told me that going to a massage
salon is ‘healthy’ for you and it will help you relax (which you can hardly disagree on), I think that European counterparts cheat just as much, they are just less willing to be open about it.

However, there are some very valid reasons why I dislike western women in general. However, it does not necessarily mean that western women are no longer an option for me. I’d rather say that I prefer Asian women instead of saying
that I dislike western women. You have push and pull factors. The push factor is that you are forced to choose Asian women because you dislike western and the pull factor is that you like Asian women because of their qualities. For me, and I think
for most foreigners, the pull factor applies. The people Jayson is generalizing about are about the people who have been “pushed” to Thailand.

Since I have been “pulled” to Asian women, I’d rather explain why I like Asian women and particularly Vietnamese women (since I have most experience with them), than why I dislike western women. I prefer to do this point

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• I feel physically attracted to Asian/Vietnamese women. Ask any Asian local why they do not like western women, and they will say: “because they are too big!!!!”. Living in Asia for more than four years, I have adopted
an Asian view on western women. Most of those women are simply too big. I am not referring to ugly fat trolls with armpit hair, but in general, and this is just a fact, western women are quite big. I like petite, black hair and cute, that is my
preference. And if I meet a petite western girl with the same qualities, I could feel attracted to her as well. I am fed up with blonde and tall and I couldn’t care any less about Jessica Albas or Angelina Jolies and I don’t see
why anyone should.

• I feel attracted to the Vietnamese/Asian culture. In Vietnam I have a healthy balance of expat and Vietnamese friends. As opposed to many expats, I prefer to have Vietnamese male friends. Befriending them allows you to see a part of Vietnamese
culture, which your girlfriend will not be able to show you (and vice versa), and you have access to a lot of good girls. Drinking with Vietnamese friends is just as fun as going with my expat friends to a local bar and they can provide me with
a lot of advice on the does and don’ts of Vietnamese culture. Therefore, I also prefer to have a Vietnamese girlfriend. It allows me to be closer to the country and I am learning a lot from our cultural differences, which is sometimes frustrating,
and often a challenge, but on the other hand a nice little adventure. I do not see why it should be a “law of nature” to be with someone whom you can easily communicate with, I find it rather dull and unchallenging. That George Clooney
is not having an Asian girlfriend has more to do with the fact that Hollywood hardly knows any Vietnamese/Thai/Asian people, but you can be sure that Lucy Liu or Jamie Chung will also date white celebrities. Besides that, I do not see a single
reason why we should take celebrities as an example on how we should live our lives – a bit superficial if you ask me.

• I like the general characteristics of Vietnamese women. They are caring, girly, elegant, curious, a bit traditional but also out-going, and loyal. In Asia I met plenty of western women, but they simply couldn’t inspire me. Even worse,
in the West it is the norm of women to act arrogantly towards men approaching you – you don’t want to appear as an easy women and it is expected that you always have your guards up. If I approach women, it does not necessarily mean
that I would like to have a peak in their underpants, but even fat cows behave uptight and arrogant if you just approach them for a friendly conversation. Vietnamese women will be open and friendly most of the time if they are approached by people
just wanting to have a conversation. It does not necessarily mean that they are interested in you, but it is a form of politeness which I can really appreciate. Being in Asia for 4 years, I do not even know how to approach western women in bars
anymore, because I’m quite shocked how rude they can be. Vietnamese women are also much easier in giving compliments. I hear quite often in Vietnam/Asia that I am handsome, while in the West it is just not done for a woman to compliment
a stranger for his looks. It does not necessarily mean that I would like to receive compliments, but I just don't understand why we always have to be so uptight about these things. I compliment my friends (both male and female) daily that
they look good, and it gives us all a much better mood.

• I guess that the biggest difference between Thailand and Vietnam is that Thailand is attracting lots of men looking for a wife or girlfriend. <Vietnam is too, it's just that it is not Westerners but Singaporeans, Chinese and I believe maybe KoreansStick> I also find it quite astonishing that many men get married with prostitutes from low social-economic backgrounds, the ideal recipe for disasters. But I find it to be too narrow-minded to say that men disliking their
own women do that because they do not have access to the pretty ones. If I have to follow celebrities to lead my life, I would truly have a life of that of a prostitute or bargirl, with many children from different women, being divorced twenty
times, a drug addiction and a criminal record. No thanks :).

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Final thoughts:

I would like to conclude that being overseas brings you in a very favorable position in your native country. I would not be too cocky about it, because overseas are just as fooled as farangs, however by a different class of women. The very
reason why I do not want to look in Turkey for my partner (since Turkish women share a lot of characteristics with Asian women; they could be a very real choice); is that I do like a challenge. I want to be liked because of my personality and
not so much my social status (at the same time I am aware of the fact that you cannot escape your social status- and that in Vietnam I am also very much judged on my status). It is a bit childish to look down upon people who do not have a similar
favorable position as you.

Stickman's thoughts:

I'm with Jayson on this one. While Jayson didn't explicitly say it, I think he scratches his head and wonders at the way so many Western men in South-East Asia try to justify their decision to enter into long-term relationships with women who local men may consider undesirable due to their troubled background and the luggage they bring to a relationship, lack of any real education, "problems", or simply having a look that local men might not find attractive. The issue is not that Western guys are with these women – I am absolutely sure Jayson respects an individual to make whatever choices about his own life he wishes – it's the way they attempt to justify it, and some of the nonsense they come up with in doing so.

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