Reply To Jayson
When I was younger, I thought that I was always right. I never saw any other point of view of anybody. Now I have a problem. I try to understand other people’s view. But sometimes, I am not sure if I adapt other people’s opinions and sacrifice my own common sense and reality for the sake of being open minded as opposed to being opinionated. So, I will try to approach what I want to say carefully.
It is hard to disagree with Jayson about the facts. I think (like most people in the world) that getting romantically involved with a prostitute or marrying one is for losers. I wouldn’t intentionally do it. I can’t understand it. I don’t know anybody who would do it. Fair enough?
Now let’s talk about the nature of things (at least as far as I know nature). Let’s talk about two but related separate issues which Jayson raised. One, relationships of Farang men with Farang women. Two, relationships of Farang men with Asian women (Thai and Filipina). I will ignore what low class Thai women say they think about Thai men because it is not important for me.
In one of the greatest novels of all time, “The Great Gatsby”, the young man (Gatsby) asks the young woman (Daisy): “Why did you marry him”? He was asking her why she married another man when she was actually in love with Gatsby and Gatsby was in love with her. By the way, Gatsby was a poor boy from a poor family. Daisy was from a rich family and she married a very rich man. Daisy responded: “Because rich girls don’t marry poor boys. Haven’t you heard Gatsby? Rich girls don’t marry poor boys”.
Women look for financial security. Evolutionarily it makes sense. This way the children will survive. Men look for beauty. Evolutionarily it makes sense. Beauty is a sign of health. This way the children will be healthy. I have been living on this planet for over 50 years and I have never heard a guy saying: “I am so attracted to that woman. She has money to provide for me”. I am not talking about male prostitutes. But when it comes to women we don’t need to look only at prostitutes to find women looking for men with money.
Women try to marry up (financially). Is this news for anybody? A poor ugly woman may settle for a man without a lot of money. But if she is rich, she will not marry a poor man. If she is poor, the better looking she is, the more likely she is to look and find a rich husband. Do you know why rich families like the Kennedys or the British Royal family have many good looking people? Did you notice that, at the same time, they also have some ugly people? Well. The ugliness comes from the rich side. The beauty comes from the poor side. After a few generations of rich men marrying beautiful women, the family becomes beautiful and rich.
There are beautiful poor women all over the world in remote villages and mountains. They marry poor men who have just a few more pennies then they do. They do not have rich men to choose from. There are rich men in the west who marry women who look like dogs by comparison to those beautiful women in those remote areas of the world. But they choose from the pool they have available to them.
By the way, as I grow older, I realize that this thing about romantic love is nonsense. After reading everything I wrote so far (and if you are convinced that what I said is consistent with human nature) hopefully you will have no difficulty understanding that romantic love is so conditional that it makes me re-evaluate the romantic-idealistic-naïve thinking of my youth. What is romantic love? Why is it that a 20 year old woman in the west does not fall in love with a 50 year old man? Why a 50 year old man who goes to Thailand falls in love with a young woman and not her 90 year old grandmother? Why a beautiful young woman in the west does not fall in love with an ugly poor man in the west? Why a physically disabled man or woman has fewer options to choose from? I am not talking about exceptions.
Romantic love was invented by poets, I guess. In reality, it is an exchange where two parties benefit. I am not saying that this is good or bad. This is nature. This is evolution at work.
When I was young I had a friend. I look good. He does not. We both were poor. I had a lot of girlfriends. He had to pick crumbs. Now he is a medical doctor. I am not. He gets a lot of women. I don’t. It is difficult to attract women in New York when you are a 50-year old man and you are not exactly rich. The women who are interested in me, well, I get depressed when I look at them. I’d rather be alone. For sure.
So, what is wrong with going to Asia to look for a wife? I never thought about this and I have never done it. I am not even sure how successfully this scenario works for people. Personally, I am attracted to Asian women. The main reason is that they are feminine. Western women lost their femininity forever. It’s gone. If I can give a good life (yes, financially) to a beautiful young woman, what is wrong with that? It is consistent with everything evolutionary. It is consistent with human nature. I am not unaware of cracks in this idea. A young woman wants a young man. I also prefer, as Jayson says, a woman who has the same culture and language as mine. But if all I can get is left over ugly old women and if a young woman in Asia can get only a man who will offer her poverty for the rest of her life then don’t we both have a better option?
I don’t think that a 50 year old man and a 20 year old woman can work out a marriage. Also, as I said, I am not talking about prostitutes (male or female). But a 30 year old Asian nice woman who may not have great prospects in Asian society can make a good wife for a healthy 50 year old western man. Instead of a fat liberated 50 year old western woman, he gets a 30 year old beautiful feminine woman.
If I am not making sense here then I am sure that Stick will correct me. I don’t care what anybody says but I have to say this. I have learned in the past year of reading this website that Stick is a truly wise person who has a lot of good advice. I know this because he saved me from getting into trouble with a Thai woman through email exchange with him. I am glad that we have this unique website where men can exchange their opinions freely and learn from each other.
I think the points you make are fair – that you simply find that the women available to you in Asia are a better looking bunch than what you might find at home. You also verify what Jayson says when you say "all I can get is left over ugly old women". But a least in your case you are not speaking ill of farang women as many Western men do which really was the point of Jayson's article. I am 100% sure Jayson has no issue with Western men coming to Asia to find a nice lady, but he does with people who speak ill of Western women when they obviously have serious self-esteem issues about what they're doing…