The Chances You Take On Thai Dating Sites

My friend Chuck, well actually more like an acquaintance than a friend, is a middle-aged American hailing from Oregon and is a Platinum member on one of Thailand’s most popular dating sites. He is shining bald and compensates for it by having a
bushy moustache. He's been coming to Thailand for a number of years and indulged in the P4P scene but now he is quite sick of it and wanted to find a good Thai girl. He likes petite Asian girls and thinks that his age is of no concern even
though the girls he is after are considerable younger than him. He knows that back in the States he wouldn't have the same opportunities to achieve his dream and hence his many trips to Thailand. This is his profile on said website:

Age :51

Profession: Lawyer

Domicile : United States

Height: 172 cms

Weight: 90 kgs

Complexion: Olive

Marital status: Married

Smoke: yes

Alcohol: Moderately

“Looking for a soul mate to settle down with and be happy for ever after. Love Thailand.”

Anyway, Chuck related this conversation to me the other day when he saw an attractive Thai girl aged 32 online and clicked on her name to have a chat. It went down something like this:

Chuck: Hello there…hello?

Pornthip: Hello, yes?

C : How are you?

P : I fine.

C : Are you working?…

You there?

No, It’s early..no? I am here..

Ah yes, it’s just 8.30…I’m in Chiang Mai in my hotel. Are you a hair dresser?

Yes. I work with TV production in make up and hairdressing.

Wow, that’s exciting!

What you do?

I’m a lawyer, have my own TV show too. People back in the States don’t like lawyers.

Why?

Well, you know it’s usually when people have problems and they need lawyers…so because it’s a stressful time for them they don’t like lawyers.

I no understand.

What don’t you understand?

If they need lawyers they should like them I think.

It’s not just that, lawyers in the US aren’t trusted. Some people call them shysters.

You shyster?

No, I’m not but people have that perception.

So you not shyster then people like you?

Yes but they don’t know I’m not shyster.

Why don’t you tell them?

Ok, never mind. I want to see you in Bangkok, ok? I can come in a few days.

I not here in few days, I go with production on location in Hua Hin. Why you want to see me, you married, no?

Yes and no.

Yes or no?

Yes but separated.

Wife you didn’t come with you holiday Thailand?

No because we’re separated.

Yes, she stay home in America.

No, you misunderstand, we’re not living together, our marriage is on the rocks.

What you mean, like whisky on the rocks?

No, no, no.. It’s just an American expression, when you’re about to get divorced.

Oh, I sorry you not happy.

So am I but I hope to find the right Thai girl and marry her and be happy again.

You have students?

You mean children?

Students are children, no?

Not always but yes, I have two children. They're teenagers.

They have Iphones?

Huh? Yes, but why do you ask?

I no have latest Iphone yet.

I see. When I find the right Thai girl to stay with me I'll buy her one.

Good luck to you. Na!

You mean you don’t want to see me? Don’t you like my looks?

I no like hair on lips.

That’s no problem, I can always shave it off.

I know but you can’t put it back on top your head, I hairdresser, I know.

Maybe I'll buy a toupee then?

What that?

A hairpiece.

Ah I know that. Not easy to find a grey one.

What the f***! Do you think this is the way to treat a potential sponsor?

I no want sponsor, I want nice man, not speak bad and have real hair I can look after and him look after me. I no want shyster. OK?

….Hmmm, Ok, I have to go now for breakfast…it’s included in the room price…good bye.

Bye bye..and no eat too muth, na? Thai girl no like fat man.

So that was just as Chuck told it. He said he cut it short before he got even more damaged.

He made up for it by piling extra honey on his pancakes. He is reconsidering his divorce.

I warned him about trying to date young and beautiful Thai girls. I advised him to get one in her forties who gives a good massage.

He is trying to get a refund from the dating site. Fat chance. In Thailand they don't know the meaning of “Refund”. The more likely scenario is that you get “Reflux”.

Stickman's thoughts:

Hehe, yeah, I had many a conversation like this when I went through the online dating thing.