Readers' Submissions

Crazy Girls – No Problem! Part One

  • Written by Anonymous
  • January 27th, 2012
  • 7 min read


I have “sharpened my teeth” relationship wise with the wonderful girls I have found in the bars and clubs in Brazil over the last few years. I have surfaced from these experiences (which can only be described as somewhat manic but definitely character building!) with an understanding of how to cope with similar relationships in the most endearing “Land of Smiles”, Thailand.

I have read the exploits of several readers from the impressive Stickman website and would like to add my comments and experiences I have recently had in Thailand, coupled with my own different prospective when dealing with relationships with bargirls and freelancers.

Starting a relationship with someone 20 years my junior, from a completely different culture, when they have long ago crossed the moral threshold in sexual experience and when they are not blessed with the advantages of a quality western upbringing, you have a real roller coaster journey with many twists and turns always ahead of you. I am like a moth to the flame when it comes to this type of challenge, and if experience can tell you anything, then it is to have some control of your own emotions and a basic understanding of bargirl behaviour! It’s like having a 20 year old computer with Windows 95 as the operating system. You can turn it on, the screen will become nice and bright, and put your hands on it you will get a pleasant warm feeling from the back of it. It will even perform basic tasks! But once you have gotten over the initial pleasure of getting this new addition to your life and your attention is drawn towards all the fancy software programs your friends back home keep bragging about, then you will soon realise that it is impossible to upgrade your toy to accommodate any sophisticated programming. If you are satisfied with just typing letters, reeling off a few labels, and limiting your gaming experience to Pac Man and Space Invaders then there’s no problem and you are ready to go!

Pattaya is my city of choice, and in November 2009 I decided to spend a few months there having enjoyed previous trips there before. Wheeled into town on Saturday afternoon straight to the internet researched Apex Hotel on second road. Big mistake! Cheap (only take cash) but quite scruffy. A band would strike up at the bar next door every night at around 7 PM. No good for my vampire-like lifestyle. I don’t like to open my coffin much before 9 PM. Soon moved, down the road to Royal Twin Palace. (aka the “Twin Towers”). Come Saturday Night, I worked my way down a few bars on 2nd Road and then cut through to Beach Road to a large German / Russian bar that does a mean pizza. They have a live band on which features a guy who belts out a few arias from Italian opera. Once he started on “Fiddler on the roof” I hit the road heading on down to Walking Street. Mmm, I thought, as I remembered a club from my last time in Pattaya. I also recall a girl that I hooked up with before at this club and she might still be working there. She had told me that she was going to give up bar work and start hairdressing but chances (and economics) are somewhat against that. Mmmhh. Do I really want to attract a limpet on my first night? Nice-looking girl but always got drunk too quickly. Never any good for anything until the following morning. No harm in popping in there for a quick drink and surveying the scene. Can always claim that I am meeting up with some fictitious mates if the suckers come out and make my get away (Yes, darling! I will be straight back). Get led to a seat and order a drink. Straight away I spied her in the opposite seat with some other guy. She looked over but was contained by the bar fined situation she was in. Not bothered in the slightest as I was quite enjoying the scantily dressed girls gyrating on the stage. Definitely feel at home now! These places always remind me of Steven Seagal movies but without the fighting! Several beers and large vodka and oranges later, I fancy a bit of posh totty and get swayed by the hostess serving the drinks. A bit of “management” totty seemed the way I was going that night and ended up putting her in my wheel barrow and wheeling her back to the Apex. Is a “hostess” a bargirl that also serves drinks or a BG that just can’t dance ??. (definitely not management material though!).

Over next few nights, copious amounts of alcohol and women later (including a ravenous beauty from Angel Witch), I find myself at the Beach Club. This is where I meet my first girlfriend of my stay. Nice, sexy looking girl that really stands out from the crowd. I then used to go there every night to bar fine her, always buying her limpet mates drinks as they would hang around likes sores on a leper. Must give this girl credit though. After a week of this she told me that she noticed this and said I shouldn’t keep buying them drinks all the time. It would be better if I used the money to buy her gold instead! yeah ok sweetheart! Sexy girl and quite good company but always used to disappear back to her apartment/house at around 3am. She always said she had college the next day but I reckon she had a boyfriend. Anyway, one night before I was due to meet up with her, having time to kill, I thought I would pop in the bar I went to on my first night in Pattaya to stir up a bit of controversy with the ex girl I knew before. Then. WOW. There was this beautiful, sexy and alluring girl who told me that this was her only 2nd night there and her sister got her the job as she also works in the club as a hostess (Oh No. it can’t be the one I wheeled back to the Apex!). She pointed her out and luckily it was a “Plug” look alike (from the Beano comic) and one that didn’t come under the category of “alluring temptress”. Even though I was totally captivated by WOW girl, I realised that I had to meet up with my girlfriend back at the Beach Club. I tucked a high value note, into the front of her bikini bottoms (classy move!) and regretfully made my way to meet up with the stone around my neck. When I got to the Beach Club, her limpet mates told me that she had not come in that night which I was surprised as she never texted me. Just what are these Thai birds like. Compounded by her previous behaviour and her now going AWOL, I can only assume (besides going short time) that it is something to do with a boyfriend. Should I go back to my hotel? Should I try to ring her? Is a heavy mist of doom and depression going to descend upon me? DING DING DING! Actually I think that all my lotto numbers have just come in! Like a scene from a cartoon, I could feel my legs fast running on the spot, then, poof, a large cloud of smoke and I was gone! Faster than a speeding bullet, I was back at the club with WOW bird. I explained to WOW bird that I met up with my mates but they had got together with a group of girls, so I told them I was going to leave them to it as I had met a really beautiful girl. That was that! Out with the old. In with the new! Obviously I consummated the deal that night but unbeknown to me, at that time, I had put myself straight on the road to Grief City! I did get a text the next day from my old trade in, but I told her that her limpet mates grassed her up and told me that she had a boyfriend (always blame someone else) and that I was a one man one woman type of guy and that she made me very sad. Sorry!

To be continued.