Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 312

  • Written by Dana
  • January 28th, 2012
  • 4 min read


DANA TRANNY AUDIO TAPES

It had to happen. You've heard of the Dana Fan Club, the Dana website All Dana All The Time (ADATT), Dana: The Movie, the Church of Dana, and Dana: The Book–well, I am coming out with Dana Tranny Audio Tapes. Yes indeed, it had to happen and now it's going to happen all over you. Over the years we have received thousands of requests from individuals, organizations, and governments for this product. We now offer it worldwide as a humanitarian gesture. Read on for details.

Yes, yes, and yes: who loves you baby? Now you can live your tranny dreams of conquest and love and sickening sick sick behavior through me by listening to Dana Tranny Audio Tapes (DTAT). Whether commuting in heavy Bangkok gridlock traffic, drifting off to sleep, or hiking in a flowered alpine meadow you can listen and learn as I grunt and slurp with gender confused human garbage.

Turn your private moments and sexual uncertainties into perverted pleasure as I frolick with my Obsessions Bar friends and turn standard lovemaking gymnastics into a Swiss Army knife ten-in-one gadget. However, I should tell you that this is a Thai only product. If you have dreams of big breasted Brazilian trannies and me, or if you have dreams of half-starved Eritrean trannies and me, or if you have dreams of Eskimo trannies and me, or if you have dreams of Laotian or Cambodian or Burmese or Vietnamese or Malaysian or Nepalese or Bhutanese trannies and me this is not the right place for you. Here at Dana Central we believe in full disclosure product marketing so I want to get that out of the way right away. You can't have art without standards and we feel that offering non-Thai audio tranny tapes would pollute and dilute the sanctity and the purity of what we are doing.

Anyway, be amazed and horrified as you learn what can happen when I turn Mom's picture face to the wall, and stand on a pile of Bibles. If you value your bed sheets you better listen to these audio tapes wearing oven mitts. And yes, every tranny audio tape comes complete with pre-session and post-session interviews with myself and the tranny. Look behind the audio curtain as I crush their little ribs between my forearms and tell them I love them. Get a glimpse into the rarified kaleidoscope life of me.

All tapes will be shipped in a plain brown papered box stamped DFI (Disgusting Filth Inside). Join the farangs and the smilers on the Dark Side and learn what real sex is all about. And yes, I can hear the question: this is pre-ops only. Only first quality tranny filth from Dana Central. If you are interested in post-op trannies this is not the place for you. I mean, post-op? What's that all about? You might as well get yourself a woman, and I think we all know what a waste of time that is. So don't muddy up the water trolling for post-op tapes. We have standards here at Dana Central. However, this does raise the inquirious head of custom tranny audio tapes.

Custom tranny tapes? Yes, they are coming. Send in your requests. Just tell me what you want to hear. Wheelchair trannies, cripples, drunks, the mentally unbalanced, prison parolees, violent, spastic screamers, foul mouthed trannies, purring kitten trannies, man voiced trannies, etc. We will try to fulfill our customers' needs here at Dana Central's Dana Enterprise's Tranny Audio Tapes division. We barely cover costs on this. It's all about serving humanity.

Limit one order per customer and remember these audio tapes are being shipped from the Kingdom; so no guarantees, no warranties, no money back, no customer service, no discounts, and no post purchase contacts, names, addresses, or phone numbers. Emailing me because you have a question or a complaint? Cry baby. Suck it up and act like a man. Sending money to me is like splurging up the fudge tunnel. It checks in but it does not check out.

Anyway, Dana audio tranny tapes are now available. Euros preferred, but yes I will accept US $100 bills. I will also accept baht but I'm warning you–it will piss me off. And if you personally know and have tested someone with big breasts who can hold up a rubber maid's bucket of Nana Hotel glass ash trays with her twelve inch special friend I will take trades. Here at Dana Central we are modern people open to all forms of international business. Some exceptions: if you are French (FTF), Arab, Thai Chinese, Dotheads, Towelheads, of the Indian subcontinent tailor variety, Russians, or from Ufxxxistan it is best not to tell me. I'm not sayin' why–just best not to tell me. Also, if you have pictures of you and a tranny mixing it up do not sent them to me. I'm not a pervert and they make the office dogs bark.

Sweet Jesus on a pre-op cracker: I guess this puts that whole Atheism theory to bed. Who could love you this much except God? And me.

Who loves you baby?
Dana Does

P.S. Contact the webmaster of this website for shipping and other information or send your stupid little questions to Dana Central Dana Enterprises, Rajah building, Soi 4, Bangkok–Attn: DTAT.