Big Voice From a Little Thai Girl

“And frankly, I can’t stand it when a Thai girl tries to speak English. They suck at it. Well, perhaps it’s because I’m fluent in English and can spot the lame, bargirl English from a mile away.”

-Jayson

Well if you cannot stand my spoken English, can I type instead?

First of all I have to disagree with you because I am one of the Thai girls who married a foreigner. I have a good education from a good university. I came from a good family. I had a good job when I was in Thailand. I was born and raised in Bangkok. I feel very sad when I see some Thais join into this bashing of fellow Thais even when an attempt is made to cover it with positivity towards the “majority.” It is a shame that it is so fashionable to say something terrible about Thai girls on this site. Even bargirls that are so often the topic of negativity deserve respect. Most of those people who criticize the life and decisions of bargirls can never truly understand their life or what happened to them to make them choose or be forced to sell their body.

I think you probably came from a good family and maybe you are mixed Chinese and Thai and graduated from a top Thai or international college so you fell into the big fish little pond trap and think you are better than everyone because of money. I think, like me, you long for a Thailand that isn’t a sex tourist destination. You shouldn’t look down on or blame those who find themselves somehow involved in that trade. They didn’t have the privileges we did. Maybe I am wrong, but this was my first feeling when I read your story.

You said all Thai girls who date foreigners are deviants. Here is a little bit about me to see if I fit all your stereotypes. I worked as a designer in one of the top fashion labels in Thailand. There were many girls from all over the country working there who all shared a high education and a good background in common. When I started dating an American I was surprised at how many of them asked me if I could set them up with a foreigner. They were all curious and all wanted to know what it was like to date a foreigner, some could even see themselves marrying one. The problem was that they worked so much they rarely had an opportunity to meet a foreigner outside of business. In fact finding resident foreigners who are single anywhere in Thailand is quite difficult.

I know that the validity of your argument rests primarily in your birthplace. I was born there too. Does that mean that some credence can be given to me as well? I am certainly not an expert on the inner workings of bargirl/Westerner relationships. I am just a deviant Thai girl. In fact I guess of the hundreds of girls who I have associated with throughout my life in Thailand were nearly 100% deviants in the bunch.

So why would these wealthy, successful, educated, beautiful women want to lower themselves (as Jayson would imply) to date a foreigner? We are open-minded Thai women. We aren’t afraid to love and follow our hearts wherever it may lead us. We are just like some men who come to Thailand to be with a Thai girl. We want to know another culture and become close to someone completely different from ourselves. Some of the girls in my office were marriage minded when it came to foreigners and others just wanted to meet them and date them without thinking about marriage (but not shutting themselves off from it either). Some wanted foreigners because they didn’t want to follow a traditional path. Still others showed interest simply out of curiosity.

“Well this doesn’t make any sense!” You say. Of course not because the biggest fallacy in your argument is where you lay blame and where you assign the cause for what you call the “norm.” It is a well-known fact that a random foreigner is more likely to be on vacation than to be a resident. I could never date a guy I see only once or twice a year. So most of the foreigners on the street are already cut. Foreigners coming to Thailand to find love are typically funneled to bar areas frequented by other foreigners. Those areas are considered completely off limits to most Thai girls (myself included). This makes the logistics of random encounters with suitable mates of the foreign variety quite difficult. So the cause for the labeling 1-6 is more a testament to the opinion you hold of those Thai women who find themselves working in or partying at foreigner oriented night life areas, a typical Thai-Chinese elitist attitude. The reality is, Jayson, if you took 100 random Thai girls and had them choose between a foreigner and Thai man both living in Thailand who were successful and would be honest and faithful you would be surprised which way they would go.

I think there are so many good Thai men. It is true what you say about Thai guys being able to fit into their mate’s family more easily due to their understanding of language and tradition, but time and effort fixes that. I am not trying to convey that I somehow think foreigners are more desirable as a mate than Thais. There is more to it than just their “Thainess” or his “Farangness” Thai women are not that shallow. When I started dating my husband it was because he was the most amazing man I had ever met. Whether he was Thai or Farang was inconsequential.

As in all things in life there were both positive and negative aspects in my choosing to date and marry a foreigner. When we first started dating and his Thai was rudimentary random people on the street would make remarks about who I was and what I did for a living. Even though I was always careful to dress conservative the uneducated amongst the population would immediately assume I was a bargirl. As his Thai improved it was became a fun treat to see their face when he snapped back a retort.

One of the most fun parts of dating a Thai-speaking foreigner in Thailand is that everywhere we went we had a lot of fun! When strangers would hear us bantering in Thai they couldn’t resist joining in the conversation. We always met someone interesting and had a good laugh with him or her everywhere we went. Another cool part was when I sent him to go to the local market to buy food they always made it extra special for him because everyone in the neighborhood loved speaking Thai with him. It is even more fun now that we are living in the Bahamas because we have our own secret language!

Since I have this forum and an audience I just want to say that as a woman I feel very sorry for foreigners who only go to Thailand for sex. They don’t have a chance to experience real beautiful Thai culture, and good Thai people. It is very sad that many foreigners know my country for sex first and other things second. I hope that anyone who reads this article will take some time to learn about some topic in Thailand like religion, sports, or history. We are not perfect (in fact recently very far from it), but what country is?

One last thing Jayson…

If you have a sister and she dated a foreigner how would you feel about it? Would you try to find out which number she was?

We are people, not stereotypes or categories.