Stickman Readers' Submissions April 29th, 2010

Are Jayson’s Points Banal And Obvious?

Jayson's points may contain a high degree of truth, but are they really important? Do they really tell us a lot about what kind of opportunities a farang might have in Thailand? I would say no. What he says might be correct, up to a point, but they don't say the really interesting things.

He Clinic Bangkok

His basic point is that Thai people prefer their own kind. One might say that about pretty much any group in the world. This may be true, but so what? This is an essentially banal point, a truism, that can be said about almost any country, and any group. You could say that about French girls, Argentinean girls, Israeli girls, even white girls in the US. Jayson may be right that farang have a puzzling inability to understand, or accept, so basic a fact of human nature – and this is largely the regrettable result of PC education in the West, which so ill equips us to face the realities of life outside of our cocoon – but I don't think you can use this banal fact as the basis for saying interesting and novel things about the opportunities farang men face in Thailand.

The trouble lies in Jayson's use of the word normal. I suppose he means the average Thai girl. And in that he is absolutely correct, but that is a relatively banal and uninteresting point. Of course the average Thai girl will prefer, all things being equal, someone who is most similar to her in ethnicity and culture, that is merely human nature and universal across all races. The interesting question is how open are Thai girls to considering foreigners who posses desirable qualities? Okay, sure, this Thai girl has an ideal guy dreamed up in her head, and he is of course of her own ethnicity, and her next best choice would be someone closest to her ethnicity, but what if she is faced with a guy who has what it takes to be extremely attractive to women, but is a foreigner? How open is she? That is the interesting question.

The second interesting question is what percentage of the Thai female population is extremely open to foreigners or even prefer them. Let's say this is 30%. Sure, such a girl would hardly be an average or normal or representative girl, but if the number is reasonably high than that means there is enough sexual opportunity for foreigners to make things interesting, and that's really all that counts.

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I think Jayson's basic point, once you peel away the self-serving layers and the attempt to *put whitey in his place*, is very valid – most human groups are racist. We need to stop running from that terse but powerful fact. We need to recognize it, accept it, and let it guide our conduct in Thailand. We Westerners come to Thailand with a peculiar handicap, because our education does not let us recognize this basic fact of human nature. We are taught that racism is the worst thing possible, but the truth is it need not be so terrible a thing. It need not involve hate or a sense of superiority. All it means is a preference for one's own group, not hatred of other groups. Once we farang accept, without recrimination, that the Thais' preference for their own group is not some malign and pernicious thing but a perfectly healthy and natural attitude shared, deep down, by all races, even ours, and that it does not mean they *hate* farangs or see us as inferior – in fact some of my close Thai friends, those who trust me, confess to a strong sense of inferiority to the West in general – but simply that they recognize that we are different, and that differences should be respected.

It does not mean Thais will not treat us with respect and kindness, but simply that they love their own kind, and it does not mean that we farangs have no opportunities and cannot be accepted, we can, but we will always be members of a different group, and this is normal. I can't help but feel that amicable and comfortable relations between Thais and farang will never happen until we grow comfortable with the reality of racism and learn to see it as a non-malign force that should be respected.

From personal experience in Thailand, there is a huge percentage of Thai girls, attractive hi-so ones, who are at least willing, and often avid, for Western friends and love affairs. Simply based on the hungry looks in the clubs, the flashing eyes, the smiles, and the countless hook ups I've had, I know the number to be quite large. Are they the majority? No. But they form a large enough group to make things quite interesting to any Westerner adventurously inclined.

A few more interesting points realised by Jayson –

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1 – What needs to be explained is why in Thailand, other Asian guys are, if even slightly, preferred to farang guys. This is after all true in no other Asian country. In Japan, a white guy would be preferred to a Chinese or a Korean, not to mention a Thai, and the same holds true in China and Korea. Why this discrepancy? What makes Thailand different? I think it is simply because of the obviously low class white guys Thailand gets. Thailand is an interesting standout within Asia in this respect, though. But even in this case it is not really big deal, as an attractive farang guy is, in my personal experience, when competing in the flesh and blood and not in some abstract idea in a girl's head, almost always preferred to a less attractive Asian guy. I bet you I could even out-compete Jayson with at least a few white skinned hi-so, if I had the desire 😉 But I prefer white girls, myself 😉

2 – I just want to point out Thai guys are unlikely to have a very good understanding of how Thai girls think, because Thai girls are unlikely to tell them what they really think, but tell them rather what they want to hear, to save face. Beyond that, men in general rarely understand women. So no guy is any kind of authority on women, even in his own country. He may be wildly off base.

Stickman's thoughts:

Heaps of great points!

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