Stickman Readers' Submissions April 28th, 2010

A Realty Check – You Must Be Joking!

This article is in response to Jayson's recent submission Farang Men / Thai Women — A Reality Check. He must be joking to assume so much in his article. So let me begin with an excerpt from Korski's article There is No “Real” Thailand: All Renditions of Thailand are Real:

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"The point of all this—not to belabor it too much—is that there is no “real” Thai society that can be pinned down, anymore than there is a “real” American society or American ethos or American character that is singularly “real”—all others being “less real,” phony, counterfeit. Interpretations vary greatly not only because “people in the know”, and everyone else, vary greatly in what they see and how they interpret what they see and hear, but also because the people of concern are behaving in ways that are not constant, that are variable, that they themselves understand in ways different from how others doing the same things understand what is going on. And the understanding of Thai people themselves about what is going on also chances over time."

Korski hit the "nail on the head" in understanding that to all of us our reality is different. What I may define as success or happiness will never be exactly the same as someone else and, I am sure, completely different from many. What I find attractive will not be the same as someone else. Do some of us have a consensus/agreement of what we may think is attractive? Sure. But in the end we each define it different.

Jayson assumes I give a rat's ass whether or not my date/girlfriend/wife is considered attractive by Thai standards. I only care by what I call "Steve" standards. Maybe in high school is was important to have a popular gal to be 'cool', but as we get older and, I hope for many, we become wiser to what is important for our own personal life. So is it important to have a poor woman who excites you in life and in the bed or is it more important to have some hi-so that does nothing for you, but is popular? Well I would submit that to Jayson he would prefer the latter. Because to him that is what is important. Do I judge him for that? Of course not. It is his life and his happiness that he need be concerned with.

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Jayson is under the assumption that many readers are seeking all this advice for true happiness and I would guess he thinks people complain too much. Well by western standards this is normal. We seem to grow up in a society that teaches us to complain about everything. I am sure there are many reasons behind this, but I have heard people whine and cry their whole lives even when it appeared to me they have everything. Sometimes we need a place to vent our frustration and maybe get advice or maybe not. Again it is our own personal perception of how we see our life.

I am not trying to assault Jayson and his opinion, but I think he is way off base here to assume that he knows what all these readers want and what is better for one or another.

What does Jayson define as poor? Is it the economic situation that he feels the northeast faces? Is he comparing this to all of Thailand or to more developed economic western countries? I could say many hi-so women in this country are poor because my base could be compared to the west. Is the person in the northeast who has little and no debt actually less poor than the hi-so fair skin that has so much debt that she will never climb out of that hole? Again this is all a matter of your perception of poor.

Some men like single mothers. Some of us prefer them. I can say I prefer single mothers because they are less likely to be going to bars every night because they value their role in the family and want to provide a good example for their children. There are many other reasons, but just an example that what I may want or prefer is different from someone else. Maybe a list for me would be this:

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#1 Single mother

#2 Over 35

#3 Below poverty line

#4 Satisfied with life

Why do I make a list like this? Because what I want from a woman or out of my life is not what someone else wants! I am making this point over and over to make sure the reader understands we are all DIFFERENT!

I am in no position to tell someone how to be happy! I am in no position to tell someone what is better or not! I am in no position to say what you may think is really attractive to what I think is really attractive! A big debate for a short time was the morality issue. If you read all of the submissions everyone thinks different. Some felt guilt, some did not care, some used to do it and now stopped. Do I have my opinion on morality? Of course I do. My opinion is based on my morality, not general consensus, not public opinion, not so-and-so's opinion, but it is solely based on what I believe is right or wrong. I am open minded and thoroughly enjoy debate and reading the many submissions on this website. Can one article change my mind about a particular topic? Of course it can. As we gain more information we have a more informed reality.

An excerpt from Jayson's submission:

"Lastly, let’s give the much maligned Thai guys a fair assessment. After all, they seem to have this rep amongst the farang community, yet, still manage to get all the hot Thai babes (gay farang guys like them as well, although I’m not real knowledgeable of that scene)."

All the "hot Thai babes"? Again this is a biased statement of what Jayson thinks is "hot" to what I may think is "hot" or another person may think. How does one define sexy? Is it magazines? Is it media? Is it TV shows? Who the hell knows? How many of us have been with a friend when he said "Wow, she is sexy!" and we think "What the hell does he see in her?" Again we are different.

I do agree with Jayson that a key component to any successful relationship is communication. That is true the throughout the world for any type of relationship. One might say that if an expat suffered through many years of unsuccessful relationships in his country and came here for something a different, maybe his opinion is this "Hell, I never understood women in my own language, why do I care if I can even speak her language?" We do not know and will never know. Is this a shallow statement? Sure it is, but maybe that's what someone may want.

I applaud Jayson for trying to defend Thai women because he feels that many farang men are stereotyping them in a certain category. He is only trying to defend what he likes. Yet as he wants to try and slander the expats that are complaining and putting Thai women in a stereotype, he does the same thing. He compares the "hot babe" or "normal Thai" to the northeast, poor, single mother, poorly educated type women. Exactly what Thai people do. Most of us westerners are a lot less racist than Thais and we do not separate the types that you seem to do. He even has the audacity to compare the Farang/Thai relationship to a white/black relationship. His assumption again is that us "white" men would find it deviant. This bias is ridiculous. Now could I slander him for his poor choice of words or even probably a poor education to make so many assumptions? Sure I can, but I am not like that. It just shows that he has his own opinion and must think he is right just as many people assume what they do is right. Again we are all DIFFERENT!

I am sure I have made the point enough throughout this article and do not want to make it an 8000 word essay of how many things I disagree with in Jayson's submission. My final point is this:

WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! (and this is why I think Jayson MUST BE JOKING!)

Take care gang,


Stickman's thoughts:

I don't think Jayson was trying anyone what to do but rather giving an honest Thai perspective of what he sees happening between Western guys and Thai women in Thailand.

Agree totally that we are all different and that is a good thing.

There is one experiment I would love to do, and one which would not be that hard to do. I would love to get photos of about 20 Thai women, a mix of stereotypical high society birds, some middle class birds and some lower class girls, choosing the prettier ones amongst each group. Make sure they were photographed under similar conditions and show the photos to a Westerner who had never been to Thailand before and see who he liked best. I reckon it would be really interesting to see the results, whatever they may be.

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