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Bar Games

  • Written by Tourist
  • September 4th, 2009
  • 6 min read


As we all know, much of life circles around bars, and the games we play. Originally, I intended to find out a way to win the 2 dice game. However, given Stick's wise policy of me having to write 800 words, that would not do. Thus I decided to look a bit more into the games played in bars.

This might be tricky business, given the many experts and expats on this terrain. I do not pretend to know it all, I am just a tourist: I look around and take pictures. So here are a few of my snapshots of the games played in bars.

The opposing side

Interestingly enough, the entire other party in the game seems to be female. But then, to make out chances of winning larger, it might be wise to see how this group can be further qualified. I guess they start out as one of 4:

The farm girl: the traditional stereotype: lives in poverty in Nakhon Somewhere, and has somehow heard of the places with shining lights were the ATMs actually walk. She gets on a bus to this unknown paradise to get a bit of fortune.

The single moms: those who have no illusion about men. Married a Thai husband, got a lovely baby and one day husband was gone. Now out to get it all from other men.

The factory girls & shop assistants: the decent girls, found a job when they were about 18 in a good company. However, at 25 / 26 years old, they look at their salary, and start asking: is this all? Which results in a bus trip to the place of easy money.

The entrepreneurs: Small group, but women with a goal in life. Usually to own a small business (a salon) and doing the miles in the bars just to get the starting capital.

Although, we can also say they are part of 3:

The predator crowd: The least dressed girls working in the gogo bars. Not ashamed of being naked. Have found out that young, naked female bodies partially inhibit male brain functioning. Expertly play their young bodies as instruments to extract large sums of money from the males who adore them. Actually having fun in this game, always in a friendly competition with each other of who can play the men the best.

The "I want big money crowd": working in gogo or bar beers. Know that a short time brings more cash than a long time in a decent job. Large group with varying skill and dedication. Some slowly pick up the tricks of the predators crowd, some just do the few hops each month, some see that they cannot do it and leave the scene forever.
The "waiting for proposal crowd": slightly older group, only found in bar beers. Women who are there to find a farang husband. Work in bar beers, where communication is easier than in gogos. Do the bar work and the short times, because it is part of the job and thus must be completed to stay on the scene. However, always looking for the handsome, or not so handsome, or big money compensates lack of handsomeness, farang who will marry them out.


The game

In the western world, there is more and more advice about how the game is being played. Plenty of advise on where to scout, how to approach, pick up lines, what to wear, what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say, signals of interest or no interest, how to get a step further, wondering whether to commit, how to get to the bed room, how to get even further, to dump or not to dump. For those traveling to the little paradise by the sea, the game is easier: the chances of taking the price home is directly related to the amount of money you are willing to lose.


Mating rituals

I am not going into the Bangkok shuffle, since that has been covered in many subs already. Leave it to say, that if some reasonably cultural person would see what quality of dancing you like to watch, they would know that you are not actually there to watch dancing.

That leaves us the games being played in the bar beers.

Connect 4 is a good one to find out what woman you are dating. The winning technique is to create more and more columns where she cannot put her token, because that would enable you to win in the line above it. Thus, winning by delaying the actual win. Set up the trap by having more and more columns which would give you 4 in a line if she puts her token in. Many bar girls are expert in this game, having played it so often. Thus, if you loose connect 4 to a bar girl many times in a row, you know that she is a seasoned professional in the industry. If your lady plays by putting 3 in a horizontal line and then start smiling big in the hope that you do not see, chances are that you have found a jewel new to the industry.

I have always preferred the 2 dice game over connect 4. Simply because it doesn't take a hell of a lot of intelligence (except for the bar girl I once met who did not succeed in correctly adding the numbers of the two dices). There is something in the form of the bar ladies which distracts me from my winning the connect 4 game. (their form, not the form in their game). The 2 dice is simple: throw, and block a number. However I have wondered whether this has a winning strategy.

After long and serious study (must make playing with some hookers sound a bit more official), I found the winning line:
least likely 9 8 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 most likely.

There are some numbers which you are more likely to reappear than others. Thus if the choice is between two numbers, close the one on the left because you are more likely to throw the number on the right again. Thus, if you throw 1 & 2 (choices, 1, 2, 3) close 1, since 2 and 3 are more likely to re-appear. Do not start betting your life on this: it is a game of chance, and losing will be more frequent than in the case of marrying a bar girl.

Recently, I found out that playing pool has the same function as playing connect 4. If a lady plays pool as bad as I do, then it is highly likely that she has just entered the industry. (not that this advice has any value to you, since you don not know how good I play. Given my levels, I will definitely not show you).

The competition

Yes, there is one gogo in Pattaya which shows the limits of any farang game. Going strong for years now, the entire cast consists of a non stop series of topless beauties. With every new song, another couple of young, half naked beauties comes on stage. Where other bars provide the protection by distracting you with a few ugly ones, this one leaves it out of the equation. The only recent addition to the business is a shower behind the stage. It is also a place where the chances of winning big for the average farang are slim. It works according to a simple equation:
many Japanese + many bar fines paid + skin color & face attractive for Japanese = no interest in you OR only quick very expensive short time.

Of course, you can try by paying the same amounts as the Japanese do. Even if successful, it is not likely to draw her interest in the long run: tomorrow, more money comes flowing in. It is at this point, that the wise man graciously admits defeat. (or becomes a loser by just before closing time picking up the Japanese leftovers).