Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 225

  • Written by Dana
  • September 5th, 2009
  • 6 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

DANA TRANNY AUCTIONS INTERNATIONAL

Dana here tranny fans with a worldwide notice that will cause your private parts to weep with happiness and your sphincter muscle to open like the mouth of a Soi 6 bar BJ expert. Ready–no, not yet: you better sit down. Ok, here it is: I am opening the world's first tranny auctions. I know. I know. Shock and wonderment.

Aren't you glad you were sitting down? Who loves you baby? Dana does. Just like art and antique auction houses like Soethby's and Christie's; the Dana Tranny Auctions International (DTAI) organization will allow you to bid on famous, or exotic, or noteworthy trannies for private collection, personal pleasure, or investment purposes.

All trannies will be Thai, pre-op, experienced, and able to 'pass'. Some will be able to hold up a rubber maid's bucket of Nana Hotel glass ashtrays with their special friend, and all will come with guarantees, certificates of authorization personally attested to by me, and performance videos. Performance videos? Yup, one of our videos shows a tranny with her dick in a cast hammering a finish nail into a pine board. And she isn't holding a hammer. You don't see that every day. Anyway, turn your needs and desires and investment skills to the world's newest auction offerings. You are a man of the world so you have already invested in rare coins, paintings, horses, rugs, and antique autos. Now invest in trannies. Be a part of the future. Can you fxxx a horse? Ok, bad example. Can you grease up and plow into a rug? Ok, another bad example. Anyway, you get the point. Stop humping chair legs with your dog and bid on a ladyboy.

Auctions will be held once per year on a quarterly rotating basis (customer service representatives available 24/7 at Dana Central to help with this) in Bangkok, London, Beacon Hill, Bolivia (we stage auctions where there is money and interest), Dubai, Panama, Paris, Iceland, New York, Montreal, Sydney, Berlin, Recife, Angeles City, Tokyo, Ufxxxistan, and of course Pattaya. Travel the world bidding on trannies. Sit in world capitals and cities of distinction and tranny capital bidding room opulence surrounded by the rich and the super rich as you raise your bidding paddle to compete for beauty, and Thai smiles, and disgusting perversion. Be all you can be. Join the world at it's best where only ego and money and tranny pleasure matters.

Since these trannies (oh excuse me–ladyboys) are technically human beings there are some investment differences you will not find with coins or rugs or paintings or fancy cars.

Rule Number One: no enslavement. You can't chain them to the bed even if they beg you to. Many of our finest tranny auction offerings are mentally unbalanced. You have to be the strong one. Believe me, I feel your pain.

Rule Number Two: no surgeries. If she comes to you from Dana Tranny Auctions International (DTAI) with a twelve inch private part–future owners better be able to tape measure the same spec. No post auction customizing.

Rule Number Three: all trannies are only two year contracts. After that they must be turned back over to DTAI (Dana Tranny Auctions International) where they will be fire-hosed, sheep dip tanked, checked for anatomical specs, featured in an up-to-date performance video, and returned to the world wide pool of top Thai trannies available for auction bidding. Don't make us chase you.

And no you do not get credit for surgeries that augment. If she came to you with a little peek-a-boo three inch pecker we do not want her returned with a log in her pants. And no . . . you can not buy (bid on) the same tranny twice. Come on guys, act serious; this is an International auction house organization of dignity and respect and rules.

I will, of course, be in charge of everything; not exclusively but most especially the part that has me attesting to their authenticity and performance. Only one proviso here: I have almost zero interest in trannies with little mouse dicks so some of that authenticity work will be handled by a Bangkok German bar owner I know. This guy even makes me sick so you can trust that he has performed a thorough tranny inspection. Reliability–Standards–Respect: our watchword , our mantra, and our company logo. If you see the letters RSR around the girls rim you know what it means.

So email the DTAI division here at Dana Central and we will send you a catalogue and schedule of up-and-coming auctions in cities around the world. And remember, our tranny (ok, ladyboys) offerings do not ride coach–if you can not afford this, do not try to participate. All potential bidders are screened by our private SIMG (Skynet International Monger Grid) service. If you have ever had to ask the price on anything this is not for you.

Important note: Besides servicing debt, capital improvements, marketing, staffing needs. greasing police palms, etc.–profit will be allocated to a special DTAI research project: to wit–where are the short trannies? I am in my second decade wondering about this. Most of the trannies doing their hair on the second floor of the N.E.P. in Bangkok look like they took giraffe hormones. I don't want to say these women are tall but the manager of the Obsessions Bar keeps a step ladder behind the bar for me in case I want to talk to one of her girls.

Typical conversations when I first came to the Kingdom–

Me: Holy fxxx your tall.
Tranny: You like me?
Me: Son-of-a-bitch you're tall.
Tranny: You want to Ow-Ow?
Me: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph you are fxxxing tall.
Tranny: You like my breasts?
Me: How much?

So stay tuned tranny lovers–your participation in our auctions will give us the project research dollars we need to find the short trannies. Try and imagine a bright happy tranny auction future where some of the catalogue and live auction stage stunners are 4'4"-4'10" tall and 70-85 lbs. You know, normal sized. Sweet Jesus on a cracker–who loves you baby? Dana does.

Ok, back to basics: yes, yes, and yes–some of these girls have already been web displaying or blogging on my website ADATT (All Dana All The Time) and other lesser tranny sites, and some of these girls have been doing special shows at my Pattaya bar Dana's Delight, and some of these girls are featured performers every Sunday at the Pattaya Maritime Park where Church of Dana services are held with pink smoke bomb parachuting trannies. But these familiar faces are in the minority. I'll be pulling in product from Bang Kwang prison, HIV & Aids programs. the rolodexes of Thai transgender surgeons, no name bar skanks, boardwalk cruisers, Sukhumvit Road pick pockets, thousands of Internet tranny site girls, and assorted Hi-So wonders who want to be 'bad girls' because Daddy refused to buy them a Benz with a penis for a hood ornament. It's a bottomless well of trannies here at Dana Tranny Auctions International. Here at the Dana Central office in Boston if we spill something on the floor we just strap a tranny to a stick and use her to mop up. Welcome to paradise.

Obsession? Yes, we respect obsession. Abandon your selves and throw your selves down the well of tranny love. Enslavement? No, you can not own them–only surrender to them for two years. Then they must be turned back into the Dana Tranny Auctions International pool. Standards gentlemen. Don't forget your humanity. And don't forget these trannies are from another world–you can never really be good enough. She will not love you. You are not equal. You are not worthy. Thai tranny love is a sexual music heard by few, appreciated by all, and transcribed by no one. You worship her, she does not worship you. Don't forget the rules gentlemen, and don't fall in love.

Dana

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Ladyboys can be fun, but them get closer and they can scare the hell out of you…