Stickman Readers' Submissions August 7th, 2009

Battlefield Cyberspace: A Thai girl’s story-Part 1

Here is another story of a very disappointing relationship between a Thai woman and a farang that I am sure you guys have come to be familiar with here on Stickman. However, the story you are about to read is not written by another foreigner who happened to fall in love with a Thai woman and has been treated badly as usual. It’s vice versa. I decided to share this here as I think it might be interesting for some readers to discover another side of it.

The strange beginning..

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Two years ago I met the guy; I will call him “Michael” from now on. How we met is a little irregular as I was introduced to him a by a man I knew from a dating website after the first few days I had my profile on. He started a chat and introduced himself as “Taylor” before going to his main purpose. He asked if I was interested to start a serious relationship with “the best man on earth”. He said he wasn’t talking about himself but his best friend Michael, saying my look and what I described about myself was exactly his type. Taylor asked if I would mind sending my introduction email to his friend. I found it a bit uncomfortable really. And as I was not dying to get to know a man; I instead gave him my email address so that he could give to his friend Michael. Well I took my chance.

Online dating…How many will success at the end.

I finally got a message from Michael on my MSN and here started my first impression. The guy seemed nice, mature and intelligent besides his good looking. Even though his age was way too far from mine but that was not going to be a problem and it never was.. He’s in his early 50s and I am 28 years younger than him. We spent hours talking about each other’s backgrounds, exchanging interests and dreams. He’s rather a quiet person and pretty much individual like me. After having failed in previous relationship twice, and four times for him we got click very quickly. At the same I was still talking to Taylor getting more information about the guy I was learning. Taylor was a charming man, full of humors that could easily steal any woman’s heart. To be honest, the more we talked the more I wanted to stop. I felt a little distracted and so did he. However; I knew I just started a relationship with his friend whom he introduced to me. I could never fall for Taylor that way but sometimes it was hard to resist.

I deleted my profile after the first few times I talked to Michael. That was not his request but I did not want to attract anymore man as I was learning him. Michael had 4 grown kids and 1 small kid at the same age as mine. We both divorced. He had been through marriage 4 times and divorced with different reasons. His last wife was Chinese and he divorced her after he found out she had an affair. My previous relationship was pretty much the same. It’s all about one cheating another. I just knew him for a little over a week but felt as if I had known this man for a long time. I knew what I wanted in my next relationship and Michael got everything I had longed to find in someone. I could say this from the way he made his conversations. Most importantly we both needed healthy relationship that based on honesty. We had had enough of lies and unfaithful. I found Michael seemed to be very strict in this and he found the same thing in me. We spent hours chatting and never got tired of each other. He would call me on weekend in my afternoon time and his night time before he went to bed. One day after two weeks that we knew each other I got a call in my evening which was his 4 am his time.

“Hey sweetie, I can’t sleep and there’s something I must tell you” He said.

“Yes?” I replied.

“I think I am falling in love with you”

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It felt so good to hear such words however; I didn’t reply him with the same words. I instead left a message on his MSN that I couldn’t fall in love with anyone in two weeks but I was having a very good feeling with him and hoping he could wait. We continued learning each other and my feeling for him was getting much stronger than before. A little over a month after I was sure I really fell in love with this man I decided to tell him so. Yes I fell in love with a man whom I’d never met, was over double my age and lived on another side of the world. I was not confused between love and passion. I loved him and that was real. I had never felt that strong for anyone before. Some of you may think it’s bullshit but you will understand it well when it happens to you..

At the same time, I started feeling more every day that the conversation between Taylor and I was going further than just Michael’s and his surroundings. I was attracted to his charms while I also knew I was in love with another man. After hearing Taylor repeated many times how he wished he didn’t introduce me to Michael and had kept me for himself instead I started feeling uncertain about his feelings to me. Taylor would present only good parts of his friend and kept reminding me to hold him tight and not to let the man slip through my fingers because I would never find any better man than him. But at the same time he wished I was his instead. I started to be confused and eventually said something silly that I wished I could love two men at the same time. And that’s how an incredibly complicated story began.

Not long after that; Michael found out that we had kind of talks and was so angry at his friend and disappointed at me. Good enough that I was forgiven and was asked not to contact Taylor again. I felt guilty, I loved Michael truly and I chose him. Their friendship was broken because of one woman they both never met in real before. However, a while after they both became friends again but I was kept guarded from Taylor still. I didn’t contact him again for fearing I would fall for him, broke my promise and eventually lose the man I loved dearly. That was quite silly I know but I am sure this kind of situation happen to the others too. Loving one, liking another. It is not something to be controlled or maybe it’s just an excuse of a bitch. You judge it.

Michael planed for his second trip to Thailand and first trip to me for two weeks and I was waiting for his visit. It would have happened as planned which was on Nov 07 if something hadn’t happened before. Taylor, his best friend and our cupid got an accident that caused him bad injuries. As both of them were best friends, and Taylor had no one to take care of him (he was single, been divorced) Michael had to be with him. I was sad but understood. He had to travel between Houston and the hospital which was in New York to look after his friend who could be dead at any time. A few weeks later, Taylor was out of the hospital and started rehab at home. Michael still could not come because of his peak business. While being medicated at the hospital, Taylor had met an “Asian nurse” and fell in love with her. They both started relationship and Taylor loved her so much. I was relieved he finally found someone. This way, he wouldn’t think much about me and how he could have kept me for himself anymore. I talked to the couples a few times. They seemed happy with each other.

March 08, it’s time to meet Michael even though it was not a proper visit. Because of his business he couldn’t stay long. I had been waiting for these days for a year and it’s worth waiting for. We both knew we had a very strong feeling for each other but it still felt like something was missing. It would be completed when we met and it was after the very sweetest first night together.

A moment like this some people wait a life time..I hardly believe it was happening to me. It was so beautiful.

He looked much younger than his age and was apparently a very nice looking man. He was white, tall, clean, polite and very sweet. Unlike when we’re on the chat I hardly heard any sweet word. I felt loved again that I had not felt for a long time. I knew I really loved this man who was lying next to me with all my heart and from this moment on, my life would be devoted for him. Anything you need just ask baby, I would bleed for you. I really did love him. What did I love about him? Was it his money like other Thai women? Let me tell you some facts. Michael was not a poor man, he’s considered wealthy as a matter of fact. But I never cared about his money. After a year being in relationship together or even two until it ended, I never got a baht from him. That’s honest. I never asked and he never offered. If I was interested in his money I would not have waited that long. He was not a romantic man at all. It’s me who mostly came with those sweet little stuffs and did anything to keep our love stronger or more realistic. Michael had a very American personality and almost didn’t know anything about Thai cultures. These facts annoyed and hurt me sometimes. However; that didn’t reduce my love for him. At his 50 something, he couldn’t perform proper bed activity anymore but it didn’t bother me at all. I appreciated and enjoyed something sweet and tender with him more than just pleasure from sex. This only happens when a woman really loves someone..It happened to me.

So why am I so attracted to the guy? Well..he has a very warm personality. I feel safe and warm every time I talk to him. He’s very honest which I thought it didn’t exist in any man on earth. Most importantly, he is family orientated. He’s still in close relationship with his children even though they all married. I hardly find this in Western cultures. That is very impressive for me. He loves his family and is still in good relationship with his ex wives. (I could never manage that.) He’s also a very good looking man but it has nothing to do with the facts that I am attracted to him. Well lots of good things can be said about him.

We only stayed in BKK because of his limited stay. He got sick because of the pollution in the city and therefore; we couldn’t do much of other activities. The visit was short but was the most precious moment to treasure. Until the last day of his staying, his friends joined and he wanted to spend a man night with them. I understood and we said goodbye. He promised to see me again on October 08 and we would spend two weeks together in Phuket. Well it never happened.

We talked again after he arrived back to his country. He told his best friend that he had found a very nice woman here beautiful, intelligent, affectionate and very caring but he wished I talked more. One thing negative about me is, I seemed to be stranger when we were out in public. Yes I have to admit I kept the distance when were not in private. I hated to be viewed negatively. I tried to explain my real intentions telling him I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable with him but I was with the environment around. I told him every “normal” conservative Thai woman does the same. This is Thailand, our culture is different and he had to learn to get along. We kept contact to each other almost every day. I told him every thing that happened to me including when I intentionally attracted other guys. We promised each other to be totally honest so I told him all and we just laughed about it.

It was quite a short period of happiness..

May 08. Michael found out that he had cancer, a very deadly one and had to take treatment. He was afraid that he would not be able to stay until his small son grows up. He spent less time with me as he wanted to spend more time with his son. His hair started falling because of the chemo. It hurts to see him without hair on the cam. We eventually lost contact for a week until someone came up surprisingly; it was Taylor whom I had not had contact for months already. He told me Michael had been admitted and was under emergency. I asked him if he could keep me informed what happening to him. He promised me he would.

I was so scared that I would lose him as I knew he was in quite a bad situation.

Three days after he told me the bad news that Michael was gone. I didn’t prepare for it and was shocked. I had to take off from work as I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I couldn’t eat or sleep and spent days and nights crying. That was painful, was a greatest loss of mine. I asked myself why heaven took him away, the only good thing on earth that was mine. The only one I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. The funeral was arranged quickly and I got comforted by Taylor. We talked about Michael and how he was in the past. I never got bored of these stories and was so thankful Taylor was there for me. However, I had to be careful in our conversations knowing we once made mistake together. I felt so close to Michael again because of Taylor, they were close friends and had pretty much the same personality.

Months after Michael was gone Taylor asked: ”Is it too early to introduce you to someone? A friend of mine is about to divorce and is a good man, Michael also knew him.’’

“Yes..I don’t mind but not sure I could start something with him as I am still in love with your friend” I replied.

A week later he told me the guy still had trouble with his wife and couldn’t divorce yet. I told him I was not planning to get involved with any woman’s husband so forget about it. I was fine like that.

Taylor: “Good, and by the way if you have to be someone’s minor wife I would want you to be mine”

Since that day it was hard for me to control my feelings for him. I tried to keep my distance knowing he already had a girlfriend but every time I met him online I felt unbelievably so close to Michael. I wondered how it would feel to hold Taylor and if it would give the same warmth as when holding Michael. I hated myself for this. I didn’t miss him when we didn’t talk but every time I talked to him the feelings started to stir again. I guess I just missed my lover.

At least once a week we would spend time on the chat talking about Michael and us. At the same time I was introduced to Kathy, Michael’s first daughter. She talked about her dad and how it hurt her after he’s gone. We just comforted each other as there was not much I could do. I still loved and missed him so much and these people were important to me. Somehow it made me feel closer to him. I kept calling Michael in order to hear his voice on voice mail. I sent him messages telling him he was still the one for me. I sent him email describing how painful it was without him here and I missed him so much. It sounds crazy I know to write to the dead but I had to do that to relieve the pain I was having. I really loved him. One day, I started to end my cyber affair with Taylor because I realized I couldn’t do that anymore. Our conversation got naughtier every day while the topic about Michael was less. I knew he loved his girlfriend and just wanted to have fun with me. While I love Michael and Taylor could never take his place. I said goodbye and told him to leave me alone..

August 08. A day later, Taylor came online and asked me to listen to him carefully at what he was going to say. He said, as I knew he had failed in his marriage 4 times before and that gave him a hard time trust women. But since he knew me he found again love in his heart. He was tired of marriage without real love behind and wanted to know if I was the right and the last for him. I was wondering what the hell the guy was talking about but then suddenly he invited me to view his webcam the first time since we started talking. I accepted that and found the man who was sitting there talking to was Michael! It had always been him. What’s happening here I asked myself and trying to rearrange the stories.

He said “Do you see now? It was Taylor who died and I took this chance to log on his MSN pretending to be him. I wanted to know what’s on your mind and if you really love me true. I am sorry, but I had to do it for my own good and for the good of my son”

I remember every word he said.

I had no words I was confused and angry. I learned that Taylor never survived his massive injuries from the accident. He died at his second admission just at the same time that Michael started curing his cancer. He kept the truth from me and pretended to be Taylor in order to learn more about me. No, that was not it. He created another account pretending to be his own daughter trying to get what’s really on my mind and what my real feelings were to her dad. He even changed his phone numbers in order to make the dead more real. What a marvelous idea..He put lots of effort in this because he wanted to make sure he had found the right woman. Ok, I still loved him and that was acceptable.

He said, he knew then I really loved him real and he was sure it’s me whom he would be spending the rest of his life with. He tried to explain the reasons but I would not listen at first. I told him I had never lost him before but I just did. Anyway I was glad he’s back. I asked about his health and if he could get over the cancer. He said, the chemotherapy almost killed him but he beat it. It’s gone and no more treatment. However; he still had to see doctor regularly. We said goodbye. He didn’t want that but I felt the lies were too big for me to take and I needed some time off. He understood that.

I knew he still loved me and would not let it end like that. It’s not worth it. I was right he called me again that evening. I was calm and we could talk with reason then. I accepted his excuses in doing these and I forgave him. I understood that he had hard time trusting women and I somehow in the past messed with his best friend online. He wanted to be sure my heart was his and not his friend’s. Everything was back to normal except the love that was much stronger than before at least I felt it on my side.

It’s quite unbelievable really..How many people can do this? Pretending to be the others for months just to taste one person? It needs lots of patient and he must have a very good reason to do that.

Our relationship became more formal and visible than before. I was introduced to his son as the only kid of his I would spend most time with when I am there. I talked to them on the phone. It was wonderful we spent most nights like that. The future was discussed. I was waiting for his next visit..

The story told to a friend of mine, he said: no matter what his excuses were, if the guy could pretend to be others for months he’s nut. I didn’t take his words of course. I was in love.

Wondering how our strange relationship went and how it finally ended? To be continued…


Stickman's thoughts:

It's great to get the perspective of a Thai female.

To any readers who feel this story sounds familiar, it was in fact told before but by a friend of the lady involved. This two-part piece tells it from her perspective.

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