Of course I left a vacuum, Dana. You would be severely deluded to think otherwise. Who could fill my shoes, or even my used condoms?
But fear not mate. I may have repaired to Ocker Land to sample a few jumbucks down at the billabong, or was that to smoke a few bongs? Darned if I can remember at the moment. But did you really think I would forsake Thailand for ever?
Like you, I am driven to return to the scene of my many conquests. My women demand it. Why, just yesterday I had three SMSes from Fa demanding to know why I hadn’t been around to see her while you were whiling your time away in Boston. Of course, I didn’t tell her I was going to the Great Downunder. She might have misunderstood my motives and thought I was taking up with Trannies, as you do. But that is not my style. I prefer my skirts not to tent up when the wearer feels horny after seeing my majestic good looks.
By the way, have you been sending Fa 30,000 Baht each month as you promised? I sure hope so. What will I have to spend during my impending return to the Kingdom if you have welshed on your promise to the lovely lady?
Of course, I cannot return under the same guise. I am afraid Marc Holt broke too many hearts to allow him a safe return. But under my new guise as Sir Manly Powers I expect to resume my rampages through the bars, massage parlors, and discos around the Kingdom.
As you will note from my picture above, I have had extensive facial reconstruction to enable me to walk unrecognized among the denizens of the night. So, from now on, you will kindly address me as Sir Manly.
As for Chiang Mai Kelly…er What The Fuk, Pattaya Gary, and Caveman aspiring to step into my shoes, be assured that there is absolutely no way they could possibly do so. I am no callow youth like poor, pompous Will. Nor am I a big headed buffoon like Phuket Siegal. Even that celebrated Stickman (no, not the publisher of this website, but the real Stickman of Stickmen) Fanta is but a faint shadow beside my mighty accomplishments. I say this in all humility, as I am sure you are aware. After all, my most faithful acolyte Dana has been blowing my trumpet (no, no, not that trumpet) well enough. And I am, as always, my usual self-effacing humble self.
Oh! Wait a moment. I see you have only just assimilated my statement above that I will soon return to LOS.
Yes! That is right.
Time to alert the condom factories to ramp up production. Get all the Jasmine garland makers weaving day and night. Grease up the wheels of at least 50 tuktuks ready to greet me at the airport with my many feminine admirers as I alight from my private jet. Indeed, you read that right. Since leaving the Kingdom I have amassed a fortune after publishing my book, “The Whore Who Dunnit to a Thousand Suckers”. Stickmanites can buy the unexpurgated version from Asiana books at 10% off if they mention my new name in a high squeaky voice.
My arrival date will remain a closely guarded secret, but I will hint that it will occur sometime in August. So, you can alert Khun Apisit that the financial crisis will soon be alleviated. I intend to pump (literally) a huge incentive into the economy. In other words, the second bang you hear after I arrive in my hotel room will be the door closing.
Please don’t make the mistake of thinking that I have tired of my retirement. Not at all. No, no, no!
My return to LOS will be merely a flying visit. I fully intend to return to my new home. But the call of duty demands that I return to keep the nation’s damsels happy and satisfied. So for a few days I will be busy indeed.
I will hire the top floor of The Mothership and stock each room with at least two or three of my favorite LONs (Ladies of the Night).
We will be entertained by my favorite Thai band, Carabao, those mighty working class heroes. They will be clad in red shirts, of course.
My own special troop of six foot six Trannies will be posted on the stairwells and at the lift doors to ensure that no gatecrashers will spoil the party. They will be instructed not to allow anyone wearing a yellow shirt to approach the hallowed halls within at least 150 meters.
We will set up a string of Som Tam carts in the parking lot to ensure there is a continuous supply of health food for my spent LONs. I intend to keep them fully occupied between bowls.
So, please tell all those wannabe’s to calm down and relax. They no longer need to stock up on blue pills. There is no way they will need them. In fact, it might pay the TAT to tell all the sex tourists to stay home for the month of August. There will not be enough women to go around.
In addition, you will be pleased to know that there is no need for Dana to discard his famous appellation. He can relax and continue to stalk the hallowed Pattaya beachfront searching for all the Trannies he wants. This should be easy, as all the LONs will be flocking to The Mothership to worship at my May Pole…..oh, perhaps we should rename it my August Pole.
Whatever, suffice it to say that Thailand should be prepared for the second coming….and the third coming, and all the rest of the comings after that until I return to my private jet and wing my way back to the greeting Corroborree from my many Aussie shielas.
Ah! What a life eh? But someone has to do it!!!