Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 217

  • Written by Dana
  • July 11th, 2009
  • 4 min read



CHAOS AND CHANGE IN THE KINGDOM

Notice to all interested Stickmanites and monger historians:

My name is Dana and from now on I would like to be referred to, addressed, monikered, and emailed as His Right Honorable Field Marshall and Bushwa Scribe Sir Dana: U.S. Resident of Pattaya, Starbuck's Coffee Layabout, Boulevard Brigadier, and Lover of Fa. Please be notified that emails sent to me at Dana Central without that prefatory appellation will not receive attention.

Why the name change? What the heck is going on? Do you sense tension in the monger Force? Well, you should sense tension in the monger Force. Here's what is going down and here is what is going on. Marc Holt. That's right, Marc Holt is what is going on. Since Marc Holt (real name Fauntleroy Quimby) vacated the Thai monger field for Australia there is a lot of jockeying for positions of monger influence and monger dominance in the Kingdom. They say that both scum and cream rise to the top. I don't want to say which of these surface aspirants Marc Holt was, let us just say there is a big empty space on the surface of the monger pond in Thailand since he decamped for faggotty Oz where they have Rule of Law, polite humans, reliable services, and beaches without belt salesmen.

Suddenly old names from the past like Chiang Mai Kelly and Pattaya Gary and Caveman are bouncing around like quantum force ping pong balls as they manoeuvre for hierarchy and respect and attention. Some of them, like myself, are taking advantage of this historical pause in the monger ego carom game to do a little reinventing: to wit–name changes. New name. New start. New game. Example: Caveman emailed me to tell me he is considering changing his name to Dark Side, and Chiang Mai Kelly emailed me to tell me he changed his name and Internet handle to What The Fuk. He wanted to know if I had any thoughts on that.

What The Fuk–not just an Internet writer's I.D.–the whole hog–legal name change, U.S. Driver's License, Passport, everything. The loss of Marc Holt from the monger arena had caused him to reappraise, and he had stared himself down in the mirror of life. He had finally officially and completely lost it. Flying free. Mr. What The Fuk.

U.S. Customs and Immigration Agent: Welcome back to the United States Mr. Fuk.
What: You and your mother.
Agent: I see What The Fuk is the name on your passport. Can I assume this was a legal name change?
What: Yes.
Agent: Just curious–where did a name like that come from?
What: My wife is Chinese. Fuk is from her name.
Agent: Really? What is your Chinese wife's name?
What: Go Fuk Yu.

Anyway, like I said, Chiang Mai Kelly (oops What The Fuk) wanted my thoughts on his new Thailand monger arena moniker. Hey, works for me.

So, that is what is going on here in the Kingdom. Little lord Fauntleroy Quimby (aka Marc Holt) has gone back to a place where they have newspaper headlines like:

BUTT PLUGGING KANGAROOS–CRIME OR NOT A CRIME?

and the scum and the cream on the top of the Thai monger pond is agitating for position. Hey, it's a war zone here folks. Can you hear that whooshing and sucking sound? That is the Thai monger community rushing in to fill the vacuum left by Marc Holt. He was a disgusting legend. Typical Thai bargirl after spending an hour with Holt.

"Suddenly I feel all dirty inside. I don't ever want to go to Australia now."

Like I said, the man was a legend.

So anyway . . . henceforth please refer to me as His Right Honorable Field Marshall and Bushwa Scribe Sir Dana: U.S. Resident of Pattaya, Starbuck's Coffee Layabout, Boulevard Brigadier, and Lover of Fa. Dana? History. It's time to proceed to monger gallop, lower the lances, and charge into the future. Holt is gone–let the war begin. Will there be losses? Of course. Bloodshed? Naturally. Disappointments? Many. There isn't enough room at the top for all to be winners. The short term Thai monger future bespeaks chaos and calculation, people ascendant and people losing position, reputations made and writers forgotten. And it is all the fault of Marc Holt.

Marc Holt, Mr. Temporary Expat, is the reason guys like Chiang Mai Kelly changed their names to What The Fuk, and guys like the Caveman are considering changing their names to Dark Side. Pattaya Gary told me the other day that he is considering changing his name to Lek Victim (long story). But hey, don't email me–email Mr. Marc Holt, now known as Fauntleroy Quimby, who is working as a propane tank installer in a gay trailer park outside of Alice Springs. Word is he's got his Thai wife enrolled in a five year military intensive program to learn to speak Australian slang, and she is wearing a T-shirt that says HURTS THE HEAD. So don't email me. I've got my own problems, and a new name.

Who loves you baby? His Right Honorable Field Marshall and Bushwa Scribe Sir Dana does–that's who.

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Amusing.