Readers' Submissions

WUC

  • Written by Cavanami
  • May 4th, 2009
  • 4 min read


This is to announce a new service that will soon be established in Thailand. Other countries are to be added in the near future. We are actively working to secure our website: www.wuc.com. You will be able to preregister for this service, via the internet, before you travel to Thailand.

What is the service?

In short, WUC stands for Wake Up Call. We offer several ways for the WUC to be sent to you; pager, cell phone or a small implant in the back of your head. We recommend the implant as this is the most effective. When the WUC is sent to your implant, it will produce a stimulus such as someone smacking you in the back of your head with a baseball bat.

Why would I want this service?

Let’s take the case to “Joe”. He is a first time visitor to Thailand. He has wisely signed for our service and part of the information he supplies us with is that he is in fact, a first time visitor. As such, we implement our most strict algorithm for his protection.

OK, Joe meets lovely and wonderful “Lek”. After three days he asks her to return to farang-land with him for a month or so. Happily they march off to his farang-land embassy to obtain a visa for the lovely Lek. As the data for her visa is entered into the embassy computer, our data gathering spiders are constantly combing the databases of the world and quickly flag this occurrence…the WUC implant in activated in Joe (a smack with a baseball bat to the back of his head) and Joe now rethinks, should he be taking this lady who he has only known for one week back to farang-land?

This is just a minor example of the value of the WUC service.

How about the case of “Bob”. He also is a one time visitor to Thailand. He does not care for Bangkok and travels to Pattaya because he enjoys the water and the beach. After a few weeks he is bored and desires the company of a mature lady, as Bob is 65 years old and does not want the drama that he friends have told him can happen with the younger ladies. Bob’s favorite massage girl tells him that she has an aunt in Bangkok that is 53 years old and would be perfect for him. An introduction is arranged and he travels to Bangkok. Bob meets the mature “Noi” and is immediately in love.

Bob wants to help Noi out with repairs to her home (new air con unit, furniture and she is already asking for a car) and starts to withdraw substantial sums from the ATM… the WUC implant in activated in Bob (a smack with a baseball bat to the back of his head) and Bob rethinks what he is doing, why is Noi’s “brother” always at her house, WTF am I doing???

Just two examples as I’m sure we can envision more. Yes, these are more or less based on true stories with the names changed to protect future clients.

The more visits you make to Thailand, the less strict of an algorithm we will use. Say after ten visits, you can obtain a visa for the lovely Lek without the WUC being activated or the amount of the ATM withdraws will be increased, as after xx amount of visits you should know something of the country, the people and the culture. However, we will always have the option available to you to keep the stricter algorithm in place as some people never learn and they will always need the assistance of the WUC.

It is always a learning experience in Thailand and we will be constantly updating our monitoring software to provide the best protection possible. With our team of worldwide distributors providing constant feedback and the feedback of our customers we will succeed where others have failed.

As we gather all this data, we will have several levels of WUC alerts, from the smack with a baseball bat to the back of his head (10) to a small tingle in the back of the neck (1).

The more you visit Thailand, the more you should learn and hence, the WUC levels will decrease, unless you opt otherwise.

We encourage you to register any lady friends so that we might add them to your personal database. This is important, in the case we see that you are at level 10 of the WUC and your lady (who is registered in your personal database) is about to purchase a house or a car, yet her bank accounts have been at 100 Baht for the past ten weeks…until you show up! Maybe our monitoring systems find that your lady regularly receives wire transfers to her account every month from Germany, USA and the UK. All this information will provide the best WUC system that we can produce.

To further assist potential customers, we will recruit distributors, worldwide…say Dana in the USA, maybe Mr. Stick for Kiwi-land…Chang Mai Kelly for Pattaya…BKKSW for Bangkok, etc.

More as it happens…

[email protected] (not my real email, so save your keystrokes) J

Stickman's thoughts:

Excellent idea. You'll be rich overnight!