Readers' Submissions

No Matter How Legitimate They Seem, They Are Not

  • Written by Good Aussie
  • December 22nd, 2008
  • 16 min read


This is a bit of a story about meeting a Thai girl in a bar. It's a long story for me and very hard to try and explain, so I'll try to put it in some sort of context. Maybe some elements of my story might make others remember the mistakes they made and prevent others from making the same..

I was new to Thailand in May 08 and thought I had educated myself enough to do the bar thing. Never done it before and had heard heaps about it. Nothing left in farang land but overweight women with other guys kids. I read as much as I could on Stickman. Was going there alone for fun and come home with fun stories to tell at the pub. Never thought I would fall for one of these girls…

First night I was there I barfined a Thai girl in Nana, short time. I thought nothing special, not bad looking, but 3000 baht…yep I'm a newbie. This woman who was now single, after she told me that her farang husband had jumped to his death from the condo they owned a couple of years earlier, apparently they had a kid also. She said to me she turned to bar work to support the child (but still owned the condo), I read stories about farangs falling from buildings somewhere, weren't they pushed or something? Thanks for the story darling, time to go…

Next night I cruised the Cowboy drinking a few beers at the various establishments and returned to the Baccarra.
I'd had a few beers earlier in the afternoon while chatting with some fellas at the down under bar and got some tips
about securing the room when bringing a lady back for the night.

Later that night I met Ning at the Baccarra, from Isaan. I bar fined her and asked how much long time?

"4000 baht"

I said ok not really knowing the prices because I was a newbie and she was sweet with a lovely personality and that smile got me hook line and sinker. She was a little darling and we had a good time in the bed and talking and her English wasn't too bad.

At the end of my time there at the hotel before I left, she produced a Cyberdict language translator and English / Thai dictionary, and was trying to learn more English. It helped us communicate with the big English words she couldn't understand. I bought a better one and left it there until I was going to return in this December…gone now.

She was not the most gorgeous Thai girl but still quite pretty, great body and affectionate. Always grabbed my pills after that and said something like "mun kaew".

She was about to turn 29 and I'm a young 45 slim guy not bad looking and use a deodorant. (Take notice smelly guys, they don't like bad small). She said she didn't have a problem with the age difference and that an older guy is better, probably because an older guy has more money and are seen as a more stable person than the young guys whose main thoughts were to get as much as they can. (I was thinking that anyway.) My thoughts are now that age does make a difference even if they tell you it doesn't. Attraction and age is the same as in the farang counties.

"You good man" she would say. "You not like other farang."

Yeah, yeah, hear it long enough and you start to believe her.

I got her mobile number and asked her to come down to Pattaya, and she did follow me a couple of days later. Not sure why I asked her because there is heaps down there already. I just thought that I was lucky to get a sweet and friendly without the sleaze and she had a sort of honesty about her and I am new to this country.

I gave her 2000 baht for each of the nights she stayed with me there in Pattaya. At first she didn't ask for anything saying she liked me but I gave it to her because I thought I have to give her something. I learnt some Thai from her, we visited the temples in Bangkok and learned more of the culture and tell each other of our lives. Had a good time together, the real Thai girlfriend experience I guess. We would go out for dinner and sit at a bar in Walking Street and do some people watching, play connect 4 and watch the Muay Thai boxing. Even watch Thai soaps together at night on TV, couldn't understand a word but she was into them. We both laughed at them.

When it was time to catch the plane home she asked me when I would be back and I said about August. Depended on work but when I told her that I would be back, she was very happy. She said "you stay my room", I thought great, no hotel to pay for next time.

We stayed in constant contact by texting and a couple of emails, I called her also. Sent her a few thousand baht because she said bar not busy, no work tonight, apparently during the middle of the year it gets slow until the high season and more customers return. I read that somewhere.

I returned in August to spend the whole month with her to stay with her in her room at the M.Y. Mansion which was paid for with the money I gave her in Pattaya. I paid for the following rent.

Before I came back though, I thought shit, who is this woman (a bar girl), so I got a hotel for a couple of nights in case she didn't show up at the airport to meet me. She stayed there with me, until I thought I could trust her and then we went back to her 6,000 baht a month room where I stayed with her for the next 4 weeks, no hot water, no kitchen, ordering food from the kitchen downstairs…real luxury living, but what the heck it was cheaper than a hotel.

A romantic side trip to Phuket was had the next week and a trip to the family home a couple of weeks later to Korat to meet the folks also. The trip to Phuket was a nightmare. She was bad tempered, didn't want to do anything but watch TV and sleep. We did go out for dinner a few times but mainly ordered in to the room.

My trip to Phi-Phi island just wasn't going to happen, she was a boat anchor. I kept asking her if there was a problem or she had another guy and that we will go if she had.

"No other" she replied, but always in my mind, there is a Thai guy as I had read in so many blogs, and my paranoia about making some sort of relationship with these girls got the better of me. I think my questioning started to bug her.
I had to get out of the resort for a while and caught a taxi to Phuket Town leaving her there. I bought her a new mobile phone to try to lighten her up a bit because the one she had was shitty, also gifted by an old Thai boyfriend…that helped. She thought it was great to ring all her friends with the new phone. She never got off the thing. What had I done? The time before in May when we were in Pattaya, she would hang up on her friends but not this time.

I asked her about her old Thai boyfriend and she said she caught him few months back bonking another girl and had been single ever since. I wonder why he wasn't happy with her, Maybe she was a complete bitch to him also, or maybe it was the Chlamydia I told her she had from the first trip. Geez those early morning risers are dangerous…(if it ain't on, it ain't on!)

"No have, I have check up from bar".

I will never do that again, check ups back home ok, no AIDS. Whew! Pity the next guy…

Went back to Bangkok and then a couple of days later caught the bus to Korat. Met the family, mama and papa and the young brother, had an interesting time and some fun to the Phimai ruins and some other stuff. The folks don't know she is a bar girl, she told them she was a tour guide and we met at the Siam Paragon. That got me thinking that she would lie to her folks about what she does. I thought the families sent them to the city to make money that way in the bars to send back home. Her girlfriend actually was the travel agent and a tour guide and arranged the trip to Phuket. Nice enough girl but she would have to pay me for the pleasure, but an excellent travel agent.

Ning said she was sick of the bar scene when I first met her and wanted one man. "We stay together" she would say.
I thought she was nice and I could forget her past and maybe we could make it together. (Take her to the doctor first.)

The first couple of days in August back in Bangkok were great with her, her affection I remember from the first time we met in May, but then she started to change in attitude almost like a spoilt brat. She wanted to sleep all the time unlike when I first met her, when we went out and did stuff together during the day and at night, boat to Koh Larn, swim in the pool, but she liked to stay indoors mainly. I didn't mind it at first as I liked her company. I was getting a bit bored hanging around the room and I would go out around the city sightseeing by myself. Trying to ask her what the problem was impossible. I got a bit pissed off and I think I lost face when I sounded a bit more assertive. I apologized and said I would never hurt her and she seemed to understand.

But during the time I was with her I started to get an uneasy feeling that she was planning something, sussing me out, sometimes she was great and other times a complete bitch. I think she was looking for a way to extract as much money from me with that cunning smile, maybe to help the family who were poor. They made concrete plant potters in the yard, and didn't make a lot of money. I was going to help the family and deposit some money into her account while she was here with me on a holiday but I thought I would keep my mouth shut to see if it was me or the money. Nice enough people though, and I think they thought it was great that she had bought home a farang with a bit of money… I am not wealthy.

All sorts of things started to go through my mind, 'Oh no" I thought. It took me a while to bring her around so she wouldn't think I was just there again for the boom-boom time. I tried to let her know that I was not really a whoremonger and a barfly / butterfly. (I thought I was at first when I went to Thailand in May.)

On the first trip when I met her she wanted affection all the time, but this time, she hardly wanted it at all. What's wrong with this girl, maybe she will come around soon I thought. I wasn't just there for the sex this time, I had come back to see her and talk about a possible future relationship, although it was well appreciated when she would say, "I want boom-boom".

I thought we were going to be closer, I had feelings for her because she displayed them for me when I was there last and went back there feeling this way. I bought a TV from Carrefour, table and chairs so we didn't have to sit on the floor when we ate, and a nice gold chain and left her with some money when I returned home and was going to return this Christmas 08 to stay again. We would do some travel and get her a tourist visa to come visit me. I know she didn't have lots of money because I could see by the cheap jewelry and clothes that were in her wardrobe, and the rundown stereo she owned. She said she did work for NEC in Bangkok on the assembly line for a couple of years but the advances of her boss caused her to leave.

I told her that I can't get back until December and she says "mai pen rai" – no worries.

For the last 3 months since August I've been waiting to go back spending Christmas and happy new year with her. I was getting suspicious in early November my emotions were up and down like a roller coaster with her thinking that something smells a bit but couldn't put my finger on it. The texts were not as frequent as the time between our last meeting. Id ring her, sometimes she wanted to talk and other times she didn't. (I can find women like this here at home). I'd ring late at night to see if she was in the room to make sure she wasn't working at the bar and she was there in the room. Id ask her if she is still waiting and if she was alone now, always "Alone darling." Always she would say "you come back to the room, stay with me, I wait you". OK, I thought, I was so mesmerized by this Asian lady, I threw all my instincts away. It was controlling my thoughts and my common sense.

Question: how many guys get asked to stay with them in there little rooms and go to meet the family and other girlfriends and go out to real Thai clubs and stuff that the average tourist wouldn't do? I thought she was a different type of girl even though I had met her in the bar but I could see that she was changing while I wasn't there.

I let it go because I wanted to go back and stay with her again and I really did miss her. I'd had a great time the first time in may and most of the time in august was ok also. I can't understand why she asked me to come back and stay with her in August if she was going to be the way she was. I was sending 15000 baht a month until I was going back in December, not a great deal, the room cost 7000 baht a month.

The last amount of money I sent her was the last before I arrived back there again. She sent some nice texts the following couple of days and I rang her. She was out somewhere with other people and had this snicker as she talked with me. Been sending text messages through the week and trying to call but no answer and texts not getting through.
I think last amount of money I sent her is what she was waiting for then cut me off. About three weeks earlier the mobile phone was uncontactable then and when I finally did get in contact, she told me that she lost the phone and was asking for more money to buy a new one. I said wait until I come back and I will buy you one then. I couldn't dispute it. I asked if she had number two SIM card and her reply "No darling, no have"…

Two weeks before I am to return, she vanished, can't track her down on mobile and also ringing the room phone. Man am I pissed off… All the waiting and all the "I wait you come to room again" didn't come to anything.

She seemed so sweet and affectionate and I thought I would stay with her, returning until I could bring her here to my country, but most of the time I have heard, they don't want to leave Thailand, just want you to send money until they see you getting suspicious or another newbie comes along. She even sent me her Thai ID number and passport number for me to use on the new stat dec.

There are other things which made me worry but she was so good at covering them. A guy really has no control as to what is going on while he is away with these girls.

Lesson learnt: I am just a farang with money. Never get emotionally involved with these girls because you will get burnt in the end.

If you think you are the only guy coming to visit her think again because you are probably not the only guy who had her phone number, or the Thai boyfriend is in the background somewhere having a good old laugh at the stupid sucker farang sending money.

The family and friends are more important than you are. The farang boyfriend, no matter how nice to them, is last on the list of importance.

They will lie black and blue just to save face, absolutely cannot be trusted.

I asked her so many questions so I wouldn't get burnt but in the end they are cunning and experienced and know how to twist a mans heart.

I can't believe it happened to me after all the warnings I was given and material I read before I left home.

Now I sit here, a sad git with a broken heart.

Next time I won't stay with one lady for the whole time because a guy can start to get attached with these lovelies.

But I can't wait to get back and see those Thai ladies again. But this time I will leave the heart at home.

Forget even trying to change them, the cultural differences, the language barrier, the time a guy can wait to get back to them is a recipe for disaster. They can be very intoxicating for a white guy BUT…leave the bargirls in Thailand if you go there. If you want a good Thai lady, don't look in the bar… but then I wasn't looking for a serious girl there either…

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

I think quite simply you tried to make it work with the wrong girl, and a girl you really hardly knew. Holiday romance doesn't make for a relationship…