Readers' Submissions

Pussy Hunting in Thailand 4

  • Written by Anonymous
  • July 5th, 2008
  • 8 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok


Well Stickies it looks like my buddy Bart and me have hit a few raw nerves. We were going to stop our series last week. That is until we started getting all this hate mail through Stickman. That poor man had to read the spittle splattered pages of complaint and try not to piss hisself laughing at your pathetic complaints. He has pleaded with Bart and me to stay and try to straighten you guys out.

Is it that we have hit a few exposed nerves? Don’t you like to read the sad truth about yourselfs? That’s what Bart and me are saying to you isn’t it? We are talking to you sad men who come over here to buy a woman because you are not capable of sustaining a good relationship back home. Come on, that’s the truth isn’t it? If you had a good woman waiting for you back home would you be over hear losing your heads over some conniving hooker out to grab all your cash? You make it so easy for the bar girls and you know what? They LAUGH AT YOU! Yes they do. I speak Thai you see and I sit in the bars and listen to them talking about you when you are not there. The best time to listen to them is early in the evening around 6 pm when they are getting ready for work. They talk about all the stupid thing you do like boasting about your big pecker. Ha ha! What a laugh. They don’t care what size it is. It is all same to them. All they want to know is WHAT IS IN YOUR WALLET.

Some of those bar girls ask me to help them write emails to get money from you suckers. Here is a sample of the rubbish I write and YOU GUYS BELIEVE IT!

“Hello darling. I miss you too much. What you do now? You think about your Tirak Noi every night before you sleep? Do you hold you little mans you and play with him while you thinking of me in bed with you? I want too much go to see you soon and give me to you every time. When you send me 50,000 Baht (put any amount you like here sucker!) so Noi can go embassy apply for visa? You know very hard get visa now so Noi must pay mans many money to make he say yes.

Mother Noi have big trouble now too tirak. She go work in rice field every day her life but now arm she hurt too much. She go see doctor. He tell she not work rice field any more. Arm she no good. She no have strong any more. So tirak you send 10,000 Baht more every month ok? Remember I love you love you too much. Want see you soon. You write email me say you plans so I be there for you.”

Does this sound familiar? Of course it does! Me, I write letters like this all the time. Even though I don’t need the money so the girls pays me 2,000 Baht for each one. No need to let them think my service is not valuable eh? I write pretty good ‘bar girl English’ eh? Why do you think she wants you to email first so “I be there for you”? Yes stupid, she wants to make sure that your arrival doesn’t conflict with the other half dozen guys she has on a string just like you. Me I have seen these girls get into a real mess when two of you turn up at the same time. They hate it when that happens. They could lose their income with one of you so they do everything they can to shuttle between the two of you. And you guys don’t even know do you? You just think she has to rush home to feed her baby. Or maybe she has an appointment to go shopping with her friend, an appointment she made six months ago that absolutely cannot be changed. Ha! Ha!

What is it with you guys? You get off the plane and stash you brains at the immigration counter? Is that it? The stories on Stickman sometimes they make me laugh so hard because you guys miss the point completely. Here’s a serious tip for you. When you are letting your little head think for you and you want to tell your temporary tirak you have paid to sleep with you that you love her and want to marry her please ask yourself this very important question. Would you be proud to take this HOOKER home to meet your family? Think about it. You marry this girl with maybe a high school education if she is lucky and what do you have? A DUMB FUCK, that is what! Do you really want her hanging around the house all day with no panties on just waiting for you to get horny? Do you want to take her out shopping and she start screaming like a demented child because you won’t give her enough money to pay for another hair cut or manicure, or maybe an ice cream? Are you a sadist? Do you enjoy being made a fool of in front of other people?

Some of you are obviously so stupid and besotted with pussy that even this question will not stop you. If you are one of those don’t read on any further. I might use some big words after this and you will not understand me.

What goes on inside the heads of you men who marry a hooker and take her back to meet your family? What do your families think or are they as low class and stupid as you? That is the only answer I can think of. Where I come from in Samoa family is everything. Whatever we do we think of our family too. Will they approve of what I am doing? Will they think I am an idiot? In all my travels I have seen this in families everywhere, in Japan, New Zealand, England, Germany, Canada, even in the USA where crass is usually a sign of culture. So where do you guys come from that marry bar girls? Are you really from them countries? It’s hard to believe.

Oh you are not that stupid you say? You will marry your hooker and stay here in Thailand instead where a lot of other guys will be the same as you. That’s a good idea!!! You can wallow like all the other pigs comparing notes each night as you prop up a bar somewhere. Maybe the conversation with one of the other suckers in the same boat as you will go like this. Did your Noi try and stab you last night? Only once. We had a good night together really. We only had this one big fight but then after we made up she gave me a mind blowing blow job. She’s such a good wife. (slurp another beer or three)

Have you seen the old men doddering around with really ugly wives holding them up? I mean these women are so ugly they melt the asphalt as they walk on it. Soi dogs cringe in the gutters afraid to look at their faces. Baht buses swerve across the road to avoid them. They are so ugly their mothers tried to shove them back in the womb when they arrived. Not even Dana would deign to touch one. Yet these old men grab onto them grateful for even this chance to feel a woman’s touch and just to get some pussy in their twilight years. What a valuable commodity pussy is, eh? It just goes to prove that some men will do anything to get some regular pussy. Me I would rather tear my eyes out with toothpicks a peck at a time than have to sleep with someone that ugly. How can these old mens stand it?

HOLD THE PRESSES!

Someone just asked what about the guys who don’t marry there whores? What if she is just living with you? Surely that doesn’t count does it? After all you can kick her out any time you like.

Yes? What is the question? You are still living with her aren’t you? She’s still there every day banging you for bucks. Married or not you are still in the same position the married guys are. Are you not giving her money to send home to fix the sick buffalo? Are you not constently worried that you will do or say the wrong thing and send her off into a towering rage? It is all your fault then. Of course it is! How could it possibly be her? YOU LOVE HER! If you don’t behave the way she wants she flies off into a temper tantrum. If that don’t work she pours some honey on and pouts until you agree to give her more money. THEN she will give you some pussy. Is this what you think is normal? It is? You are one sick puppy then are you not? You deserve everything you get from her.

Me I am getting a headache thinking about this. Why anyone would want to put themselves through all that pain is beyond me. Bart and me will keep trying but for now it is time to go REAL Pussy Hunting.

Stickman's thoughts:

While I am all for freedom of speech and allowing people the chance to offer their opinion, I will not be publishing any more from this writer.