Stickman Readers' Submissions May 29th, 2006

Everyone Pays For It

By Islander

I agree with the view that essentially everyone pays for sex in Thailand. Same as in other places, but when it comes to poor countries like Thailand, the way you pay can say a lot about you, in my opinion. The following are some of the basic options:

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No. 1. The guy who takes a woman on dates over a period of time. Out to a movie and dinner, ‘and sure, bring along a friend since I know that will make you more comfortable.’ Then, after a few more dates and however many baht, the guy finally gets the sex. Some call this ‘hunting,’ which of course implies it was always just about getting to the sex, albeit in a sporting (to them) manner. So these guys pay money. Much worse, they tend to mislead the women, either by outright false statements or at a minimum by what they don’t say, by omission. This is not for me. This is for those who want to feel morally superior to the pay-for-play crowd. This is also for those who don’t care that they’re not being fully honest with the women.

No. 2. The guy who never pays for anything and just gets sex where he can. Apart from the odd exception, this is worse than No. 1 because you’re not even giving the women anything before sex and so you’re almost always relying more heavily on misleading them, giving them false hope, etc. One sees many young tourists, backpackers and the roughest expats in this category.

No. 3. The guy who outright pays for sex – the sexpats and sex tourists. This is my choice because I find it to be the most honest and straightforward. Everybody can and should still be nice and have fun, and definitely nobody should hurt anyone. But the best part is there is no need for any lies or for any misleading or deceptive statements, practices or omissions. Another advantage is that it is all about the sex. So many times the sex will be far better than with the woman you’ve spent days getting to know. If not, smile, pay a nice tip and move on to the next one.

No. 4. The guy who is committed to one woman long term. Obviously paying for it.

What’s the point of all this? I get tired of reading how people feel superior because they’re not sex tourists or sexpats. <Ummm, don't you think this is a bit rich when you just made judgments about people who do different to you!Stick> At least when those same guys go on to brag about how they get sex without paying for it. At best, they’re deceiving themselves along with the women. At worst, they’re just deceiving the women. Either way, seems like weak ground from which to attack sexpats.

By the way, I’m a fat, middle aged sex tourist happily looking forward to the day when I’m a fat, old sexpat. If I’m lucky maybe I’ll even be bald. Somehow a cheery disposition, love of fun, kind heart, availability of chemical assistance if needed and a healthy bank account will see me through. Maybe with the emphasis on the latter two.

Now, in terms of the little island where I live pending my becoming a full time sexpat in Thailand, I need to see about replacing my 31 year old Isaan girlfriend. Time to find something fresher. Maybe a Chinese or Filipina this time around, but definitely something younger. Oh, wait, am I contradicting myself?

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Before I close, though, there is the one thing that worries me. I always have a great time on holiday in Bali, the PI and Thailand—carrying on with the fairer sex and sharing a few adult beverages of choice with the other tourists—although I do have these nightmares still from when I was married for about 15 years (to a Thai woman, but away safely with the wedding tackle, thanks), about having maybe seen the odd wat or Balinese dance show or some damn cultural thing or other. And as you may suspect, the tourists I see are sex tourists or those who deny being sex tourists.

But in any event, the worry is about the bitter type of expats one does sometimes run into. You know the type. All about how bad the backpackers and tourists are, how bad the locals are, how bad the prices are, the weather is terrible, and so on. From close observation I’ve come to suspect that maybe they were happy sex tourists at some point. So the worry is how to avoid the transformation from butterfly (no pun intended) back to moth? Any thoughts would be welcome. My own guess is one must just keep cheerily but

doggedly drinking from the fountain of youth as only a sex tourist or sexpat can. That likely is the anecdote, and that is the course I’m on. Although like chemotherapy, there do seem to be some side effects. There is this dripping problem already…

Ok, one final, final thought. There does seem to be a tendency for some to take all this a little too seriously. After all, one of the truly sweetest things about Thailand and the nightlife in particular is how damn lighthearted, fun and joyous it can all be—and for all involved. And being straight and kind with everyone, with the emphasis on kind, is surely one of the ways to help keep the fun alive.

Cheers, your clappy, happy Islander.

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