Stickman Readers' Submissions May 27th, 2006

A Discourse By A Thai Girl

I learned about Stickman when I was active on ThailandFriends. Not that I was lurking on there but I was studying in a doctoral program in the US and came across TF by accident. The website looked like a good place to make friends when I was away from home. Many people on there look more like expats than sex tourists and I figured it’d be nice to have good Western friends in Bangkok when I go back home. I signed up and started to make genuine friends. I had been active and even a moderator for a little over a year.

If there’s some TF member post on the forums about a Thai girl’s lies, he’d be directed by other farang members to go write a submission to Stickman. How I see Stickman for myself after having read it for months is not different from how TF members see. The majority of authors here have no clue about Thai culture and mentality. Thailand to them is Pattaya and Patong. Thai people to them are bargirls, pimps, and mamasans. Negativity is thrown around on Stickman by lots of Westerners who can’t get a free lay, yet can’t afford to pay for sex back in their countries, and those who are in false search of happiness and confuse lust for love. Familiar stories about how they ‘fall in love’ with a bargirl after one night of wild sex have been told over and over. Almost all of the submissions by Westerners on here seem to be in along these lines.

He Clinic Bangkok

These Western authors on Stickman are not representative of tourists in Thailand, and those girls mentioned on submissions are not representative of us Thai girls either. The information is literally skewed. Why? Let’s face it, many ‘decent’ farangs – expats and the like – don’t acknowledge the existence of Stickman. They don’t waste their time writing submissions. They basically don’t bother. They have better things to do than moaning on Stickman. Only sex tourists (go ahead and call yourself however you’d like) have time to bicker. I am sorry that you guys have mutual experience about deceit caused by those ladies of the night, whether they’re in disguise or not. (She’s a cashier, yeah right!) But that is NOT to be generalized to ALL Thai girls. It gets me every time when you Westerners speak of us in a plural form. It’s not fair to make those sweeping generalization so stop it!

For those authors who claimed to be with a straight girl yet she lies and cheats, remember some people lie and some cheat. It’s all about a person and doesn’t have anything to do with nationality, socio-economic status, or educational level.

On lying, let me give you some input about probable reasons why some Thai people lie. We might have a different definition of lying. Avoiding an elongate explanation or possible future trouble is not exactly lying for some of us. Covering up the said avoidance is not exactly lying either. It’s just an attempt to stay consistent, or else other people would think we lie and we’d lose face. Right, and there you have a series of lies. Sometimes we’re just ‘kee giat pood’ – too lazy to say (the truth, that is) – so we say something else. It’s very convenient. I have to admit that Thai people do that a lot. It doesn’t get to me anymore when what they say is not consistent with what they do. What they say, to them, is not a lie even though it is by a universal definition. Yes, people of all nationalities do this at various degrees at some point in their lives, but a lot of Thai people tend to do it more, and more naturally. At the same time, though, a lot of us find it wrong to do so. It’s a lot easier to be straight-forward.

CBD bangkok

Why are we so jealous? What’s with our trust in the relationship? Well, Thai view on levels of commitment is different from that of Westerners. Here we’re very casual with the words boyfriend and girlfriend. We, by Western standard, rush into getting the title. But here having the title doesn’t necessarily mean you’re exclusive. It is OK for men to still flirt around till they get married. (If some of them ever stop!) It’s a common thing to do. What does that do to a girl? She learns from her experience that she can’t fully trust the guy at any stage in the relationship. That’s just sad. I am not saying everyone is like this but we see that all the time and that’s probably where your overly-jealous girlfriend was coming from. It’s plain insecurity that a lot of us learn it the hard way.

It was shocking to me so many Thai girls these days are so eager to jump on a farang. Farangs are a passport to a better lifestyle and a better life. If you give them the impression that you can be their white knight in shining armor then don’t be surprised if they try to milk something out of you – free food, free drinks, gifts, or even money. Try the same thing with younger girls in your country and tell me they don’t do the same as Thai girls.

I have one story to share before I end my rant here. I have a friend from TF who sold his house in the UK and moved to Thailand living his perpetual vacation in Chiang Mai with suitcases full of cash. He’s now fallen for a dancer in a bar. And there we go, that same familiar thing has been recited over and over. “She’s different. She’s not a bargirl. She just works in a bar.” She’s cheating on her boyfriend and has been sleeping with my friend. My friend cannot leave her. He thinks she’s the love of his life. After my many attempts to ‘save’ him, he admitted it was just infatuation. He just wants sex and the company of a sweet young thing. Told him to leave her and find a good girl – someone away from the bars. He said he didn’t work. He hangs out in bars partying, and those are the only kind of girls he sees everyday. He’s so right.

I know many Westerners are like my friend that I mentioned above – no other place to find a ‘good’ girl. There’s nothing wrong about hanging out with a bargirl and it actually doesn’t matter what kind of girl you’re out with. How to deal with a relationship is the same across the world and you don’t need to be a regular reader of Stickman to know of the girl’s games. You just need to use your common sense and your brain. If there’s something fishy then just ditch her. Easier said than done but you’ve got to get up and do it before more damage is done. Stop lying to yourself that you love the girl. Infatuation and lust are NOT love.

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How can you ‘love’ someone you cannot communicate with anyways?

Stickman's thoughts:

For your info, many of the guys on ThailandFriends started off in the naughty bars… Really, it's true.

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