Readers' Submissions

Q & A for Newbies: A Beginner’s Guide

Thank you so much Stick for the wonderful site. I could not really appreciate your site until I got off the bus in Pattaya. The beautiful girls on the beach calling “hello hansuman!” The stink from the ocean. It was exactly as Stickman’s readers described! The only problem I ever had with Stickman’s site was my own. There was so much information, I sometimes got confused by contradictions. Some guys talked of how girls liked younger, better looking guys, while others said they went for the older, chubbier guys because they were more likely to be harmless, have money and take care of their girls. Some guys talked of their girls worshiping the ground they walked on and never asking for money, while other guys went on near violent rants about how they’d almost been scammed out of their life savings by a Thai girl.

The truth? I can only speak for myself, but it’s probably all true. I found the Thai scene to be the most wonderful experience of my life, but I understand some negative opinions. I compare it to New York, which I visit often on business. You’ve heard a million wonderful things and a bunch of horror stories. And they’re all true. Just educate yourself with a few dozen simple rules, stay alert, and if something bad happens, don’t let it throw you off. If a hotel pads your bill with 100 baht for the minibar you never drank, just remember that, for less than the price of a date with fat farang woman back home, a beautiful sweet Thai girl is waiting to make your dreams come true until the sun comes up. And after that if you buy her breakfast.

My contribution may seem basic to the guys who are already making the trip up to Isaan to meet the family. If you’ve never gone, think of this as a good intro, an FAQ. If you’ve been, just pull out the details you can use. Again, these are just my experiences.

Q: Are Thai Girls really so sweet, innocent and loyal, or are they a bunch of scam artists?
A: In my experience, almost all of them are great, some are wonderful, and yes, there are a few to avoid. (See “New York” above, about taking the good with the bad.) One visit to a gogo bar serves as an example. Mostly empty at 3 PM, I was seated a few tables away from a group of giggling Thai girls in their 20s. I immediately told the hostess to buy a lady drink for each, and one for herself. They all shouted “woo!” (they shout this for ANYTHING flirty or sexual) and surrounded me at my table. For about $2US each, I never got so much attention from women in my entire life. They were all either beautiful or cute, all spoke fairly good English, and all were very sweet. (Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of girls who were ready to jump you as soon as you walked in the door. At the next table, there were two British Marines getting the royal treatment who could attest to this fact.)

It’s true, many will treat you like a prince, making sure your drink is full and even putting the food straight into your mouth sometimes. (I’m 31, and having been treated like garbage for my short marriage, this was the greatest place in the world for me.) After 30 minutes, I whispered into the ear of the one I liked best (it was impossible to choose!) that I wanted to take her out when she was ready. In response, well, Catherine Zeta-Jones couldn’t give you a more dreamy smile. The other Thai girls were too clever for this, and gave me the prettiest pouts you ever saw when they knew I’d chosen her. I promised I’d be around for a week and take them all out eventually. (Their response, what else, “woo!”)

That night, I wound up taking two out, the one with the dreamy smile (“N”) and another very sweet one (“P”). If you think the girls look amazing in their gogo outfits, you’re in for a treat when they get into their street clothes. The outfit is almost always exactly the same. Sandals or open-toed shoes, a baby-doll T-shirt, a tiny handbag, and counterfeit jeans. Where I grew up outside Washington, you were a square if you wore cheap jeans. But you put those sweet behinds in a paper bag, and they’d make THAT look like Victoria’s Secret. Outdoors, the effect of all these Thai girls is dizzying – it’s like some James Bond villain is turning out a wonderful race of beautiful Thai clones from his underground fortress. Could such a man really be evil?

Out on the street, they were just as eager to please. “Where your hotel?” they ask. “Don’t you ladies want to go out to dinner?” I asked. They chattered excitedly in Thai, then, “You nice man. Yes, we have dinner in hotel room after!” “No, no,” I laughed, “don’t you want to go to a restaurant?” They exchanged confused looks. “We go restaurant in your hotel?” I don’t know if they’re just doing their job by pleasing their man, or if they’re just used to men having the upper hand (both?), but I practically had to trick them into choosing a place they wanted. I told them that I was trying hard to find REAL Thai food, so if they’d take me to a place they liked, they’d be doing me a favor.

They took me to one of those open-air places across from the beach – your typical great, cheap, Thai place – a huge bowl of Tom Yum with 30 shrimp was 85B. They asked me where I was staying and I said “Sabai Inn.” They looked confused. “You stay at Sabai Room?” (Sabai Room is a massage place.) “No, but I’ll stay there! That’s a great idea!” More laughs and “woo!” from the ladies. By an amazing coincidence, my baseball team (Baltimore Orioles) was on TV, getting beaten up by the New York Yankees. “New Yok Yang?” they asked. “New York Yankees,” I pronounced. “Ah,” N said, then translated this to P as “New York Farangs.” I couldn’t stop laughing, and when a Thai girl asks “why you laugh?” it just makes you laugh ten times more.

These girls were incredibly sweet and charming and funny. They were afraid to order too much, until I insisted they order 5 or 6 things so I could try something different. They were very excited and happy about how well I was treating them, which touched me and even made me a little sad. There’s been a lot in recent Stick submissions recently about the untrustworthiness of some Thai girls, which is probably all true. But what can be said of us farang men who come to Thailand to spend money on girls because we’ll know they’ll take a tiny fraction of what a Western woman would because the grew up poor?

Don’t get me wrong, the minute I got a story about a sick buffalo or a maxed-out credit card, I was out of there. But I didn’t from these two girls, so I was determined to act like the prince they were treating me like. I took them wherever they wanted, although some choices, like Thai boxing, still seemed for my benefit. They took me to a pool hall, where they proceeded to destroy me at pool, although their secret weapon was to shake those wonderful 40 kilo bodies in front of me every time I took a shot. I kept tell them that if they’d keep doing that, I had no problem losing all night. (“Woo!”)

The three of us must have stayed out until 2 am, because the bars were closing. They went to the bathroom, and then N came back alone. “You’re taking about me in the bathroom,” I joked. “How you know?” N asked. “Two girls in the bathroom together means you’re talking about the boys, we have that in America too.” “Listen,” N said, “P really like you a lot. You can take her home, and send me home, pay me what you want or nothing. It’s OK.” (Yes, I realize she said this knowing I would at least give her something, but I was still impressed by this.)

I told her I had every intention of paying them each the 2000 baht I promised, and every intention of giving them the night off. “You don’t understand, she like you so much.” “Yes,” I said, “and I like you both so much, you get tonight off. I’m on holiday, you’re on holiday.” “OK,” N said, “but take her to hotel. She will like to sleep in hotel.” I gave her the 2000 baht, she kissed me, and I shooed her home. P came back to the hotel with me, bright-eyed and excited. To her it was the Four Seasons. “I take shower,” she said. “I go to sleep,” I said, again giving her the hint that she had the night off. She apparently didn’t take the hint, because her towel was off seconds after the shower. This sweet, delicate, 40-kilo thing proceeded to absolutely rape me. I was drunk and dizzy from the glitz of Pattaya, and I actually had trouble fighting her off (as well as deciding if I should). It took me 5 minutes just to get her under control, and another 5 to convince her all I wanted her to do was sleep. “You good man. Very very good man,” she said. (I felt like a very STUPID man for refusing what would have been the best sex I or anyone I’ve ever heard about will ever have.)

I must have fallen asleep (passed out?) because the next thing I remember was P splashing around in the bathroom at 11 am. I remember thinking those Thai girls are so clean, she only just took a shower a few hours ago. When I awoke for real at noon, she really was in the shower, and I realized that the 11 am splashing was because she was washing my clothes. There they were, drying in the closet. I don’t know what came over me, but that was about as long as I could hold out without sleeping with one of these girls. Didn’t leave the room for 20 hours.

Now, like I said, they’re not all so perfect. There are many scams out there. My experience with “K” is an example. It started out very well, I was in a gogo bar, buying drinks for the girls. I just thought the waitress that seated me was absolutely adorable. Cute face, cute laugh, cute everything. I must have been there for two hours, many of the girls came and went, but I wouldn’t let K leave my side. We had a great time, we laughed, she taught me Thai phrases and my pronunciation was horrible. ( “Chok dee hap” is wrong, but “chok dee haaaaaaaaap” is right?)

After a while, she said, “no pressure, but you can pay barfine for waitress also.” Perfect! I told her I’d meet her back at the club at 7, then showered and changed. When I met her in her street clothes, I could tell something was wrong. She stood just a little more stiffly, and didn’t smile as much anymore. My jokes weren’t as funny to her. I told her to choose any restaurant she wanted, and the place was great, but things were still “first date” awkward. Then I got another hint when I asked her about Bangkok. She said she’d never been, even thought it’s 2 hours away, because it was expensive for her. There was her rent, her baby that her mother had to look after because her husband had left, plus her mother was sick, her father was sick… I was surprised she crammed so many Thai girl clichés into one answer. I was waiting for the “sick buffalo.” I’m either a gentleman or a sucker, because I still wasn’t ready to kick this girl out of my life.

The night was still fun. We played pool, then she asked if we could go dancing and could she bring a friend. I said yes to both, no big expense, since the girls get in free. Plus the friend wasn’t a bar girl, so no barfine. The dance clubs are great, but she had this weird habit. Every time I put my arm around her, she squeezed my hand, as if to prevent me from putting it in her pants right then and there. Which I wouldn’t have.

About 1 am, she was still nice and polite, but I got the feeling she would rather just go home with her friend. Back at the hotel, I passed out on the bed. I could here her “throwing up” in the bathroom. It’s true, these 40-50 kilo girls get drunk easily (important to remember guys, for good and for bad), but I listened to her dry heaving, and it sounded like she was faking it.

So, she got the night off, but we fooled around the next morning. Her body and skin were amazing, but she didn’t seem thrilled about taking her panties off. If I weren’t so drunk, I would have realized at least 12 hours before that it was probably her time of the month, but she couldn’t pass up a guy like me, especially during the slow season. I still got a rather nice finish, I must say. A few minutes later she was telling me how much she didn’t want to go to work today. This was a hint to pay her barfine, and I agreed, then sent her home to sleep late. She asked if I’d come back to the club, and, well, I haven’t broken that promise yet, I could always go back 20 years from now.

So, there are some guys that have had girls try to scam them out of millions of baht, so please read as many Stickman articles as you can. But some scams are much more subtle, as K illustrates. Maybe she doesn’t even qualify as a scam, maybe she just a mediocre Thai girl. Still, like I said at the top, in terms of what you get in Thailand, you’re way ahead, so just roll with it.

Q: What are some other scams?
A: Aside from “K” above, I only encountered a few. (This site is full of scam alerts, so make sure to read as much as possible. I’ll only add my own that I haven’t seen elsewhere.)
• Getting the bus from BKK airport to Pattaya. The driver slams the breaks just as we’re about to leave the airport, and says he’s going to need 30 baht each for the tolls from us all, otherwise we can’t take the Skyway, and it’ll take another hour. (It seemed a legit service too, the buses are operated from a Thai Airways booth.) I was thinking of starting a fight that time, but a fat British woman beat me to it. In that case, I think you can speak up – the driver is outnumbered by farangs.
• You will often be charged more than the locals for drinks, especially in discos where it’s loud and dark. I didn’t go crazy, the highest price was still 1 / 3 what I’d pay in Washington. Eventually, I’d give my Thai girls 1000 baht and have them order drinks to make sure I got the locals’ price. (This is a good idea in restaurants, on the street, and in MANY places.)
• I only got short changed in one other bar, the Thai boxing place on Walking Street. The kid brought me 100 baht less. I just kept counting it with him standing there, I figured it’d be a good way to help him keep face if I let him pretend he made a mistake. He brought me the 100 baht and waied profusely.
• The Penthouse Hotel on Soi Pattayaland 2 seems to be a little questionable. I tried it for one night because the location seemed good. They won’t let you put your own drinks in the mini-bar, otherwise they’ll charge you for each drink you store there, which is almost as much as the charge for the minibar drink. I told them I took one small bottle of water, but when I checked out, they charged me 170 baht, then made fun of me in Thai and laughed when I signed it. This was NOT a time to argue. I was outnumbered, and the woman behind the desk kept zoning out for 20 seconds at a time – she was drunk and / or stoned at 11 am. When I asked for a room checking in, they said they only had the more expensive one, yet I checked later and the room I wanted was vacant. Basically, it’s 10% more here, 5% more there, etc.

Q: Does it make sense to be a “good man”?
A: I noticed a strange paradox: the nicer and more gentle I was with these girls, the more they wanted to absolutely jump me. I spent 240 baht on a new pair of shoes for N, and she cuddled up to me and felt me up right there in the market. I think, unlike their Western counterparts, Thai girls will display affection and sex at the same time. They’re like the half saint / half whore that every man dreams about. The more I told them they didn’t have to sleep with me and that it was their night off, the more “affectionate” they became.

I can also attest to what many have said on this site, they seem to be fascinated when you don’t drink alcohol. Maybe there was an alcoholic father / uncle / brother / boyfriend in their life, or maybe they feel a sober guy is less likely to get rough with them later on.

Occasionally, even the sweetest girl can push it too far. I remember N swinging by a beer bar to see a friend, next thing you know she was asking me to take the friend out also. I was already taking out her best friend P every day (who I was crazy about also, don’t get me wrong), and I’d even barfined P’s cousin the night before. It felt like N was pushing it. I said “sure,” but with a blank enough tone to let her know I wasn’t crazy about this. N got the message, and didn’t push it again. It was partly my fault, I had wanted so much to make N and P happy, I’d insisted on stuff they didn’t even ask for. We were shopping in the mall, and I told them they could get whatever they wanted. They both picked baby doll T-shirts that were 250 baht total. I said “no, really, don’t you want anything else?” They wound up picking another 500 baht of those soaps and cleaning supplies they’re so crazy about. I guess you have to find a way to set boundaries if you’re going in for the long term.

The flip side: being a “naughty boy” also has its merits. There are always girls that are up for this; some girls will send out the signals by groping you right there in the club. My advice: watch a girl’s behavior to see if she’s that type of girl, then make eye contact, and she’ll probably jump you. DON’T MAKE THE FIRST MOVE BY GRABBING A GIRL. I’ve seen guys do this with the wrong girl, and they just look like drunk perverts.

Q: Can they really get as jealous and competitive as they say?
A: God, yes. After P slept over the first time, I told her to call N and I’d barfine both of them and take them out. All of the sudden her English wasn’t so great, and her cell phone had a suspicious dead battery. I realized pretty quick she didn’t want to lose a nice, thin, farang who showered her with gifts and compliments. Eventually, she talked me into walking back to the club along the beach road. Normally, a Thai girl will lead you lightly by the wrist when walking down the street. P seized me by the upper arm the whole time, this tiny 43 kilo thing was cutting off my circulation. She stared with dagger eyes at the freelancers who barely glanced at me. It was half possessiveness, and half that she wanted to show me off. (Good for her, by the way. She’d certainly earned my outright worship, and deserved an ego boost.) The one Thai girl that dared to say hello received a foul and biting string of Thai obscenities from my sweet, 1.5 meter tall protector.

Later than night, N, P and I wound up back at their gogo. P’s cousin attacked me with a lap dance. I held P’s hand to let her know I didn’t forget about her, but the cousin snatched my hand back, and put it on her hips. Well, when I got back 10 minutes later from the bathroom, P and her cousin were in a vicious screaming match, broken up by 5 bar girls. A 100-kilo bouncer could barely hold her back.

Q: Can they really fall in love with you?
A: I read a submission by a guy who had a girl get stuck on him. He came back 2 years later, and she was still carrying a picture of him in her wallet, even though he’d never taken her home and they hadn’t spoken in that time. I think some, including Stick, may have doubted this, but I can believe it. These girls come from poor backgrounds, and here we are throwing around the equivalent of a month’s rent for them left and right. In a country that still has dowries, money is often equated with love, especially in the context of being a good provider. (Please understand, I am not being judgmental on this. If we think this is materialistic, then western women can be much worse. Ask yourself if your ex-girlfriend or ex-wife would have ever been with you if you salary was 50% less. None of mine would have.)

I think of all the drinks, dancing, shoes and cosmetics I treated them to. Not a lot of money for me, but then I multiply what I spent by 5-10 times, and I realize that’s how much I’d be spending on a western girl back home, and she’d be impressed. Add to that that many Asian women are often treated like second-class citizens by Asian men, and as sex toys by visiting farangs, and a nice liberated guy who spends a little money probably seems like a saint.

Finally, I can believe they would fall in love with a farang. I was completely captivated by their charms. (SO BE CAREFUL.)

Q: Are they really that amazing in bed?
A: I wish you could just see the smile on my face when I think of this question; you’d be on the first flight to Don Muang. Of the six girls I was with, I only had one mediocre experience. (See “K” above.) (“Six girls” must make me seem like a butterfly, but it took a little while to find a group of girls that were perfect for me, not just perfect in bed.) I don’t want to go into too much detail, there are other sites for that. Suffice to say, P was literally beyond my fantasies. I was mystified by the grunts and moans that came out of this woman, I’d never heard these noises out of a human, and I almost expected her to start speaking in tongues she was so wild at times. I could not believe her limitless range of moves, and how she used her hands, arms, legs, and every part of her body at all times. It felt like there were 2 or 3 women in bed with me.

It may take you 5-6 tries, as it did with me, until you find a woman you’re this amazed by. Have fun looking!

Q: Is it true about Thai Girls’ skin?
A: Thai girls’ skin is the smoothest substance known to man. Thai girls’ skin is as smooth as a diamond is hard. As a previous submission mentioned, you will find yourself running your fingers over it and staring. This is particularly fun with a ticklish, giggling Thai girl. Thai girls’ skin comes in two varieties. There is a tan variety, which is as smooth as Cadbury milk chocolate, and a white variety which is white but not pale and is as smooth as Cadbury white chocolate. Both are wonderful.

Q: Should I really go to Thailand?
A: Read everything on this site, the good and the bad, and you’ll know. Be careful. No matter who you are, it’s bound to stir up a lot of emotions, many bittersweet. Add up all the beautiful girls you missed out on when you were a young man, the one that you were too shy to approach, the one that had an idiot boyfriend she wouldn’t get rid of… all of them. They will all be there and more in Thailand. (Watch out: the beautiful but crazy ones you remember will be there too.)

Be careful, because you may be spoiled off of western women. I personally am satisfied with my few weeks per year in LOS, for now anyway. Back in Washington, people ask me what I’m smiling about. I laugh at all those guys drooling over Paris Hilton in Maxim magazine.

Q: Am I really a “handsome man”?
A: Find a Thai girl that you trust, especially one that dresses well. Ask her to take you to a good place to get a haircut, a local’s place. Have her take you to a market for summer shirts and counterfeit jeans. Ask her to pick out some soaps and other grooming products. On the way to LOS, when you’re killing time in the London / Frankfurt / San Francisco / Tokyo airport, go to the duty free, test a dozen or so colognes and pick a winner. Smile often. Most of all, stand straight and think of yourself as a handsome man. You will be a “hansuman.”

Stickman's thoughts:

A sex tourist is born…