Stickman Readers' Submissions July 2nd, 2003

Could Have Been Worse

Regarding “THE DECLINE OF COWBOY” in readers submissions 2.

Having read that article I found that I wholly and exclusively agreed with the author regarding his views of the loud music, the hassles inflicted by the BGs in hustling drinks and the general behaviour of all the staff in the Go-Gos. With this in mind I felt compelled to write a short article to let all others know what happened to me a few nights ago.

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The other day I met my GF, who is a “regular girl”, at our regular meeting place, the World Trade Centre. We went to the cinema and watched a movie. After that we had some food in a Japanese restaurant. My GF, lets call her “David” (coz Noi, Lek, Bun, Bee and Nok have all been used before) said that she would like to “do something a little different” to finish off the evenings entertainment.

Baring in mind that (a) I do have a great laugh with David, (b) our relationship is nice and easy, (c) her parents are very strict which means she gets to go nowhere naughty or stay out late, I suggested that we visit a Patpong Go-Go bar. Her eyes bulged and she burst into laughed. “Wow, that would be fun, I never went to one before”. She giggled in anticipation.

“Well, I have been a a couple of times just out of curiosity with some of my clients, yer know, just for business etc, so I know the scene a little bit”…… I mentioned under my breath and with a probable blush!

Anyway, we jumped into a taxi and headed off to Patpong.

Allow me to digress a little.

For obvious reasons, my days of “paying bar” for girls are well and truly behind me now and I have to admit that I never once paid bar for any girl belonging to a bar in Patpong, so I knew I would be safe taking “David” there. Let’s be honest, last thing you want is for little “Aom” (whom one may have fucked 12 months ago) to jump off the stage, run up with open legs and say “I missed your big dick teeruk”, while you are with your girlfriend!! Not good!! Would kinda ruin my day!

Digression over!

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So we arrive in Patpong and head into one bar where the girls actually look quite good, dressed in white lingerie!! Ummmm, must put that on my shopping list.

“David” was somewhat shocked but pleasantly surprised at the beauty of some of the girls and all the shenanigans that go on within the Go-Go bar.

Some of the girls came to talk with “David” and even paid a few compliments to her too. All was going well. However, the volume of music was a pain in the arse and I was not really enjoying that aspect. But “David” was OK and even commented about the size of various girls’ breasts and arses, much to my encouragement and reciprocation 😉

We only stayed there for about half an hour because the fucking music was getting louder and louder. As the old saying goes “if its too loud, you're too old”. Then I reckon that at the ripe old age of 32, I am too old. But the levels were at a dangerous one. Conversation became impossible and therefore we cleared off.

As we walked around Patpong, “David” spotted a bar which was full of Ladyboys and wanted to go in to have a look. I agreed and clutched my balls all the way my seat. True, there are some strangely “pretty” human beings in there and the novelty for “David” was understandable. She was completely taken aback at the shapes and sizes in there. I though, did not encourage on this occasion!

We ordered a few drinks for ourselves and sat there quite amused until one “human being” came over to sit next to me. “What the fuck….” I thought.

There I was sitting with “David” and this “Human being” just plonks herself next to me and tries it on. I told her in Thai, “I am here with my girlfriend, so its best that you go and talk with another customer”. But she would not listen. She very drunk, a big pain in the arse and was getting make-up all over my shirt. Fucken annoying to say the least.

I told her again, this time in English, to politely go away and leave us alone. Again, my request fell on cum filled ears. She persisted in pissing me off. One of the other “girls” came over and told her to behave and sit elsewhere. But she did not listen. It was to the point where I could not even reach my drink because she was leaning and breathing all over me. Urrgg, give me a gun!

Its difficult to keep one’s cool when you are being harassed in this way, but I managed to, somehow keeping my temper inside. If its one thing I have learned in Thailand, its to keep cool. But I was fucking furious inside. I don’t hate ladyboys, I don’t hate anyone, but I hate ignorant fuckers who invade the privacy of others. I mean, fair enough, if I had walked in there alone, with a marrow hanging out of my arse and cum dripping from my sequinned pink tut – I would have understood the attention. But that was far from the case!

The Mamasan came over and told her “go and sit somewhere else”. But again, the freak persisted and remained “rooted” to the spot.

At this point neither I nor David had touched our drinks. So, I stood up and said to David “lets get outta here before I lose my temper big time”. There was no way I was even going to pay for the drinks. Not a chance. Fuck em all! So we headed for the door. This is where loud music can WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE!!

Allow me to digress again!

In January, a friend and I were in a bar in Patpong, both very very drunk, when he spotted a truly stunning looking (facially) ladyboy. She looked like Roselyn Sanchez crossed with Cindy Crawford. My friend was a famous male model about 10 years ago, and was at the top of his profession and one of the most photographed male models of his time. Very successful to say the least. So he knows what he is talking about! When he says “she could be a famous cover girl” you listen and learn! Plus he is a keen photographer and has a a great portfolio of his work and has known and still knows some of the most successful female models of the modern era. He has “a good eye” for a looker!

So we sat and watched “her” for about 20 minutes and we both discussed how it would be nice to photograph “her”, ask her to sign “Model Release” forms and then sell the images to a famous (Vogue etc….) magazine. Once the photos were on the front cover, in high circulation and we had been paid we would then divulge to the press that “the face” was actually a ladyboy. It was sure to stir up a bit of controversy and earn us all (“she” included) a tidy little sum of money in the process. Nobody gets hurt, we all make some cash! Good business, right!

So, I negotiated the whole thing with “her” and she came around to my friend’s hotel the following day. We explained again that we could not guarantee that the photos would be bought, but we would try to sell them and believed that her potential was very high! We were not conning her. It was the truth!

We shot a few reels of film and gave “her” dinner and paid for her “taxis” etc. We promised further money if we sold the photos and then we gave her a business card so she could keep in touch with us. The photos were not raunchy or sexy. They were classy and she was not naked. She kept her clothes on. This was a professional assignment, not a rip off. My friend had all the contacts in the business and expressed a great deal of confidence in her beauty. All that was left to see was the photogenic quality of the ladyboy, after the photos were developed!

Well, the photos were developed and she did not posses that “intangible something” which photogenic people posses. My friend was now not very confident that the photos could be sold. So we shelved the idea and he returned to his homeland. We decided we would pursue the idea when he returned in a few months time.

Digression over!

The Mamasan came running behind us with the bill in her hand saying “pay the bill, pay the bill”. I told her I was not paying the bill because the ladyboy had pissed me off so much and would not leave us alone. I expected there would be repercussions, but it all went surprisingly smooth until our “cover girl” appeared and started screeching about not receiving any money for the photos. I nearly fucking died! Here I am being hassled by a ladyboy who says I have taken her photo. She was quite animated and looked like she would get aggressive quite soon if I did not speak up. But the drama in my head was “what is my girlfriend to think of all this? Don’t forget, I was not a regular of a PP bar and never really have been. I had already told my GF. It was true, I was not a regular, but now THIS LOOKED VERY SHADY! In my GF’s eyes, now I looked like a fucken pervy, weirdo photographer who likes to photograph weirdo ladyboys for promises of fame and fortune! Fuck me Royal! I was in a spot of bother to say the least!

I turned to ladyboy and said, “Your photos have not been published yet and if you don’t calm down I will cancel the meetings we have lined up this week with a top fashion magazine. Your photos were very good, by the way, so how dare you talk to me like that! I think its better for you to calm down and before I make one call and cancel the meeting. Do you want me to do that?”

“No, no…..sorry, sorry……ok….sorry” she profusely apologized!

She went off…and I walked out.

Now I had to contend with my GF. What the fuck was she to thing of all that?

Luckily the music so loud that it was difficult for my GF to make out what the ladyboy was shouting about.

My GF said “she was very angry about the bill wasn’t she. Did you pay it in the end?”

“No, but its all cool now” I calmly expressed!

My God! What a fucken nightmare! But if it was not for the music being so loud, I would have been in a World of trouble with GF. Thank Buddha, on this occasion for loud loud music!!

Stickman says:

Great tale, although I am mighty suspicious of people with a girlfriend called David! One thing to note though is that failing or worse still, refusing to pay one's drink in ANY bar in Thailand is a seriously bad idea!

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