Learning The Hard Way About Thai Women
I would like to relate my experience with my ex-wife who is Thai.
I met and married a lovely Northern Thai woman in 1990. The experience forever changed my outlook on life. My ex-wife is from Mae Hong Son in Northern Thailand. I met Nirat in Bangkok while on a business trip for my former employer. She was a sweet and beautiful college student. A long distance relationship ensued and I obtained a fiancée visa for her so she could come to the USA and marry me.
I had married an American girl when I was 19, she was 20. Our son came along shortly thereafter. My first ex-wife died of breast cancer when she was 26, leaving me to raise our 5-year-old son as a single Dad. My son grew up and became an Analytical Chemist for an international drug manufacturer. My years of teaching my son science and mathematics paid off. I was and am still very proud of how he turned out.
My Thai wife Nirat became pregnant within a year of her moving to the States. I was delighted. I was going to be a father once again, which is one of life's joys. This was my second marriage and second child. I was gifted a beautiful daughter. She captured my heart like no other woman ever will. Nirat went to work 6 months after my daughter's birth much to my chagrin. I have an older value set that essentially means a mother should raise her child while the father provides for the family. I reminded my self that this was the 90's and that family dynamics and values were changing.
Nirat became pregnant two years later. It was a surprise since she was taking birth control pills. She had missed a few days because of an illness. My little swimmers were determined and my third child was on the way. My second son was born during one of the most violent thunderstorms recorded for my state. I was once again blessed with a delightful, beautiful boy. Nirat waited 6 months and went back to work. I was resigned to the fact that she had become a career woman.
In 1996 Nirat told me that her mother was dying of congestive heart failure and that she had to go back to Thailand so say her final good byes. Nirat left in late December. I called her daily and was getting frustrated because her family members would only take messages for her. They said she was at the hospital with her mother and that there was no phone in the room she was in. Nirat missed her flight home so I called her relatives to find out what was going on. Again, I got the same "She not here, call later" treatment.
My credit card bill came in January. Our credit limit was maxed out and there was a huge amount of cash withdrawals made on the account. I was naturally alarmed because all of the charges and withdrawals were made in Thailand. I phoned the relatives three times a day with the same 'she not here' garbage. I became very concerned for her well-being so I contacted the US consulate. They were of no help at all, so I hired a private detective to find out what was happening.
A week went by with the kids constantly asking when Mommy was coming home. I was getting stressed out and had to take a leave of absence from work. I opened Nirat's mail and came across a shocking find. Nirat had closed her bank accounts and wired all of her funds to Thailand. She had transferred $57,000.00 to her account in Thailand. It all made sense. She had left me.
The private detective called me at 3:45 the next morning and presented me with his investigation. Nirat's Mom and Dad were healthy and still living in Mae Hong Son. Nirat had purchased a new car and a business in Bangkok and was with a Thai man. I felt as if my life was over, I became depressed and had the kids stay with my Mom for a while. I tried to contact Nirat a number of times. I eventually came to the conclusion that she was gone forever, money meant more to her than her family and husband. How could I have failed to see this fact?
The walls fell down a month later. I received a serious delinquent mortgage notice from a mortgage company I never heard of. Since I own my house I thought it was an error. I called the company and found out that a second mortgage had been issued for my house and that I was expected to bring the account up to paid status or risk having my house seized. They faxed over the paperwork and fed-ex'd copies of the loan agreement. That brazen bitch had forged my signature and taken out $75,000.00 second mortgage on my house! I contacted a lawyer and he got the Feds involved since this was now a clear-cut case of mortgage / bank fraud and forgery. An arrest warrant for Nirat was issued.
The Thai government did nothing in the matter. As long as Nirat stayed in Thailand, she would not be arrested or face prosecution. So much for reciprocal justice agreements!
I filed for divorce and received full custody of my kids. Nirat was found to have abandoned her children and lost all legal claims to them. My divorce was granted with her in abstention. Nirat was not aware of this fact.
Nirat re-entered the USA in November of 1997, how she got through customs without being arrested is mystery to me. She came to my house and tried to take the kids with her. Nirat said she would give me full custody of the kids if I gave her $50,000.00. I told her that she was no longer my wife and that I had full legal custody of our children.
I called the police and let them know my ex-wife with a federal arrest warrant was at my house. Good God, 12 Patrol cars showed up! (SUPERB – Stick) Nirat was arrested on her federal arrest warrant. This situation really upset the kids badly. They had resigned themselves that their Mom had left them and no longer wanted them in her life. They heard her try to extort money from me for legal custody. What a damn mess this marriage had turned into!
Nirat was arraigned on the bank / mortgage fraud charges and was remanded to county custody for the night. She called me and tried to charm me with a story of how she had fallen in love with another man in Thailand and that the relationship was over. She professed her undying love for me and apologized repeatedly and tried to get me to pay for a lawyer. Nope, no way Babe!
Nirat had a bail hearing and a moronic liberal judge released her on her own recognizance. They didn't seize her passport because she did not have it on her person or belongings when she was arrested. Nirat was on the next flight out of the USA. Nirat now has a "fleeing federal justice" charge tacked on her charges.
Nirat called me in the summer of 1998. She said she really missed her children and wanted to speak with them. I told her to go to hell and leave us alone. She then said her boyfriend had taken all her money and disappeared and that she was in dire straits financially. Ah, poetic justice perhaps!
She cried and pleaded with me over the phone. I almost believed her. She was very convincing, pushing every emotional button she could remember. She said she just needed 50,000 baht to rent an apartment and pay for food. I told her to go to Nana Plaza and get a job as a gogo dancer. I hung up the phone and have not heard from her since.
The emotional toll of this family crisis has affected my children in unexpected ways. My son and daughter no longer want to be a part of their Thai culture. They refuse to eat oriental food or associate with anyone who is Asian. They used to speak fluent Thai, now they will not listen to anyone speaking an Asian language. I have worked tirelessly to get them on an even keel. I let my kids know the unvarnished truth of my situation with their mother and all of the issues involved including her arrest and charges pending against her. Sometimes the truth really sucks. I would rather they know the truth instead of a sugar coated interpretation of the facts.
I have been going out with a young Chinese woman who is a nurse. My daughter flew into hysterics when she found out I was dating an Asian woman. After the flap was over, my daughter sat me down and tearfully pleaded with me to not go out with Asian women because they are greedy, scheming, and don't love their children. This situation ripped my heart in half. I hugged and held my daughter and told her that this was not what Asian women did and were like. I'm afraid that the emotional scars of her mother's behavior and abandonment will be with her for life. I will do whatever it takes to get her over this hump in the road.
My son has taken a "roll-with-the-punches" attitude and has managed to put some of the pain behind him. I still see his pain, he tries to cover it up with bravado and macho behavior. He talks about his Mom in the past tense as if she was dead. I guess she is to him at this point in his life. I hug my kids often and tell them that they are loved a number of times each day. They protest when I hug them, saying that they are being squished, too bad: I will squish them anyway.
My Chinese girlfriend has kept her distance, but she is slowly creeping into my family life. My daughter has taken a cold “Foreign Asian women are bad” attitude to my girlfriend, but she is melting. Ming has a way of disarming my daughter's emotional defenses. Perhaps my daughter sees her as a mom figure, perhaps as an older sister and a friend. My kids have told me not to marry again and that it's OK to have a girlfriend, even if she moves in. I have some seriously cool kids!
If you want to have children with a Thai woman, consider ALL options, cultural differences, think it over twice and then three times again. Above all else: Make sure she is genuine and open with her motivations. Honesty seems to be a moral value used in small amounts in Thailand. I still love Thai girls and their beauty; you really need to look beneath the surface to make sure you are getting inner beauty too otherwise you may end up like me or some of the other guys who have had their lives and hearts torn asunder by a Thai woman.
What a great story. You deserve a very serious pat on the back for making the very best of a horrible situation. If I was you, I would be seriously proud of myself. It is interesting that something like this would happen though. There didn't seem to be any warning signs initially and then bang, she was gone. What about mysterious phone calls from Thai men, odd financial transactions etc? Hell, it makes one think that they have to monitor their Thai wife awfully closely – which itself can cause problems through trust issues.