Experience With Two Thai Wives

I am writing this to show a different facet of the farang-bargirl situation than what is usually depicted in this forum. My bar-girl wife never embarrassed me nor hassled me over money. I do not know if she was not the “typical” bar girl because she was a Bangkok native (not Isaan), had more education, or ?????

My second and current Thai wife was not a bar girl and we get along well. At first some superstitions caused minor problems, but now that aspect has disappeared. She has Thai female friends, some of them the same friends as my first Thai wife!!!!!

I first went to Thailand in 1980. I was sent there by my company as the head of a group of 8 engineers working on a Thai military contract. Over the past 23 years I have been to Thailand perhaps 50 or 60 times, usually staying 3 to 4 weeks each time and once for 3 months. With the exception of the last six years, all expenses were paid by my company.

One of the engineers in my group of engineers had been to Bangkok before and therefore knew the bar scene. He led us to Soi Cowboy one evening where he knew the American owner of a beer bar (Tiger). There I met a Lady Bartender (LB) to whom I was immediately attracted. I believe it was the sparkle, intelligent look in her eyes and great smile and great personality. She could speak fair English and was studying more on her own. I did not know that the bar girls were prostitutes, but I did enjoy the atmosphere of the bar and talking to the girls. Needless to say we spent almost every evening there. The girls soon learned that I was the “boss” of the team so I got lots of attention.

I stayed in Bangkok (at the Dusit Thani) for 3 weeks and then went back to the US where I continued to work on the Thai contract. We completed the first phase of the contract in 3 months during which time I stayed in occasional contact with LB. I returned to Bangkok to continue the project and again I stayed at the Dusit Thani. Naturally, I went back to see the LB in Soi Cowboy.

On this trip I learned a lot more about LB. She was married, but separated, and had 3 children (2 girls aged 5 & 7 and 1 boy aged 3). She shared an apartment with several of her co-workers. Her children stayed with LB’s mother (also in Bangkok). She had gone through the equivalent of the US 10th grade (my estimate). (I believed her because of her ability to discuss various topics). I finally realized that the girls could be “barfined”, but of course staying at the Dusit Thani made taking her there impossible. So I moved to the Nana Hotel. She came to my room every night after she got off work, never asking for money. I of course did give her some money once in a while. Since I had to entertain customers, there were many nights I could not get to the bar where she worked but she always came to my hotel after work.

One weekend she took off work and brought her children to stay with us at the hotel. I liked the kids immensely. She also took me to meet her mother, who lived in a somewhat slum area.

I introduced her to a Thai engineer (male) who worked with me. The Thai engineer (a former Thai Air Force officer) and his wife (the daughter of a Thai army officer) and LB and I often went to dinner together. (I don’t know how LB was able to get off of work at the bar.) When I asked Thai engineer and his wife what they thought of LB they both were complimentary. I don’t know if they suspected she was a bar girl.

After about 1 year, I asked her if she wanted to come to the US with me. After thinking about it for a few days she said she would come but I would have to send her mother money each month to take care of the children. It was agreed that I would send $80 per month. At that time the baht was 20 per dollar.

So I got her a visa (not easy, but my contacts helped). We went to the US where we lived in my condo. We got married a few months later, and applied for a Green card. (Eventually she became a US citizen.) The next year I brought her two daughters to the US (the father would not agree for the son to come). We got along fine. My wife adapted rapidly to the US and she was well-liked by neighbors, friends and my grown-up children. We never had a problem about “Pee” or staying alone. She went to school to improve her English and became quite fluent and could read and write well. I continued to make business trips to Thailand sometimes taking my wife with me. At first we stayed at the Dusit Thani but they always gave us a hard time, even though I proved to them that she was my wife. So we changed to the Ambassador Hotel (the Tower section), which at that time was very nice. Occasionally we would visit Soi Cowboy and visit with her old friends. And of course we visited with her Mother and sisters.

Until her mother died of diabetes, I continued to send her $80 per month. And occasionally, on my business trips, I saw the sisters and usually gave them a gift of 500 baht.

Our marriage went along nicely until the daughters got into their late teens. I did not agree with the degree of freedom my wife gave them. (This manner in which LB raised her children was contrary to everything I have ever heard about how Thais raise children.) Of course the girls started to resent me and my wife took the girl’s side. The house became a hostile place. Things got progressively worse, so after 11 years of marriage, I got a divorce.

I continued to make business trips to Thailand, making the bar scene, usually Soi Cowboy and later NEP after it opened. I occasionally went to Patpong but didn’t care much for it. On one of these trips I was introduced by a Thai businessman to his sister, a Thai woman of Chinese descent. She was definitely not a bar girl and was a good deal younger than me. I was the first Farang she had contact with. She had never been married. Later, I asked her why and she said because Thai and Chinese men always always had mia noi.

Each time I went to Thailand I met with the Thai businessman and his family and of course his sister. Finally she started to visit me at my hotel without her family. The first visits were platonic but later we became intimate. (At this time I usually stayed at the Regent Hotel and, surprisingly, they never gave me a problem about her visits.) She spoke practically no English but we did communicate via dictionaries. Eventually, I brought her to the US, we got married. (I received permission to marry her from her father.) We got married in the US so there was no dowry or big ceremony.) She is now a US citizen. She had very little education as a child. She studied English at night school here in the US and is now quite fluent. We have been married for over 9 years. My family and friends and neighbors like her very much. We go to Thailand every two years and stay with her family. (I am retired now so must pay my own way.) Her family has fully accepted me. Brothers, sister, nieces, and nephews come to visit us here in the US.

Following the example of the report by “Caveman” of 9/23/02, I decided it might be interesting to “chart” my assessment of the characteristics of the “bar-girl wife” and the “non-bar-girl” wife. The chart lists several “qualities” and then provides a rating (0-10) of each wife.

I don’t know how to explain my “good” experiences with these two Thai females (bar-girl and “nice” girl). Perhaps I’m just lucky.

Stickman says:

Interesting comparison. It would have been nice to read more about the current wife and not just see how she "rated"!