Stickman Readers' Submissions November 19th, 2002

Bargirl Relationships

By Maomaak

I write this article to try and help and in some ways dissuade those pursuing a relationship with a bargirl. It is something I have done myself successfully but it is not something I would recommend anyone to try. I know I was lucky and met one of the good ones (Yes, good ones do exist no matter what Stick says!!). I always swore I would never go with a bargirl and she is the only one I have ever been with.

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It seems that most first timers head straight to Bangkok for the fervour of Patpong and Nana. Thoroughly enjoyable fun I must admit but the chances of meeting a nice, sincere girl are in my opinion limited. Bangkok like every other big city has a "screw the tourist for as much as possible" attitude and this is no more prevalent than in the bar scene and its workers. I really don't believe that very many girls in Bangkok are after the perfect farang to whisk them away to foreign parts. More so they are cold hearted money grabbers. If all you are after is sex then you will have a belter but don't fall for their bullshit.

For those wanting to have a fun time and have a girlfriend for the holiday then Pattaya is the perfect place. There is a different atmosphere about the place than Bangkok and the girls are all good fun and many are waiting there for the nice farang. However on this score avoid the gogo girls. They are no different from their Bangkok counterparts and most are hardened by the scene. Stick to the bar girls. It may be harder to find good looking ones but you'll have a better time with them. I'm sure Stick will find this hard to believe but I know so many girls who are waiting for their guys to come back to them and they will go with no one although to be fair I know plenty who don't have this policy. I think as far as many of the girls in Pattaya are concerned if you're the guy that floats their boat and you visit regularly and take care of them financially you will find they won't feel the need to stray. It cannot be stressed enough that you must get them away from the scene and those connected to it.

As far as bringing them to your country, this is a bloody nightmare if you're English or American. Holiday visas are almost impossible to come by so you will have to apply for a settlement visa. If you are not married this visa runs for 6 months in the UK upon which time you must marry or she goes home or in the case of America only 3 months (how can you get a good idea about things in 3 months?). You will need all your financial details and you really must have regular savings and proof of earnings. Lump sums of money and money from unidentified sources may not be enough. You will need to keep emails, phone bills etc as proof of contact and make sure she has a good story for the embassy because they will try to suss out if she is a working girl. If they find out she is it can make things difficult and you may find the only way to take her out of the country is to marry her as they cannot stop you then.

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I would like to contradict Stick on one of his earlier articles where he said that it is almost cruel to take Thai people away from Thailand. I think this is a nonsense as it is giving them the chance to see another way of life and if they don't like it they can go home. I am of course opposed to guys knowing a girl for a very short time and almost forcing her to leave. My wife was as Stick describes them, a farm girl from Isaan, and by the way she is extremely beautiful and not neanderthal looking. (I'm looking at you again Stick) I know where Stick is coming from in that you wouldn't marry a low class girl in your own country but as a well educated man myself I can cope with not having super intelligent conversations with my wife. I can go elsewhere for this. However the fun, excitement and passion has never died away and she is easy to keep happy. Luckily she is not one of the jealous psychos that Thailand is famous for and does not wait up for me with a razor blade to cut my balls off for suspecting me of foul play.

Personally I think that (Stick could go to town on me here) you may have a better chance of things working out in your own country with a bargirl than a "GOOD GIRL". The good girls are much more naive and still living in her parents shadow whereas the bargirl is used to The farang ways and people. The bargirl may just be able to adapt while I think the change of culture for the good girl would be almost insurmountable. Make sure your lady knows exactly what she is in for and that you cannot be with her all the time, although at the start you must make time for her. By the way, and I know this may sound stupid but I would recommend buying her a dog if she has to spend a lot of time alone. I did this and it really worked wonders.

I would also keep her away from Thai people unless they are in the same boat as her and have been brought to Farangland the same way. Thai people who have lived in our countries from birth do not resemble in anyway the real Thai people and you may find this will really disappoint and upset her. Some of them can barely speak a word of Thai. They are natives of our country and are therefore the same as us with all the same bad traits. You will find your girlfriend (as long she can speak quite good English) will make friends very easily with farang ladies and in time will not feel the need for Thai company.

Prepare yourself for the assholes who will give you the stereotypical abuse for a guy who has a Thai girlfriend. Let it go over your head. If you let it upset you it will upset her. This is not really a problem though for most and you will find most people are keen to meet her.

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It's a good idea to keep money aside for when she gets a little homesick. She can then go home for a little while which in my case has worked the treat. We go together twice a year anyway and she is in contact with her old friends once or twice a week.

Last but not least do not forget that you will be expected to pay some money towards her family in Thailand. However only pay what you think is fair to pay. I knew when she worked she liked to send about 3,000 baht to her family so that is what I send plus a few presents when we go to see them.

I would like everyone to know that although things have worked out for me that I would never do the same again with a bargirl or good girl. They are people who are very stuck in their ways and many will just not be able or want to adapt. I have seen too much and read too much (By the way Stick is very rarely wrong in what he says) to ever want to try again. As you go to Thailand more and more you start to see through everything and you start to realise it's not the heaven you thought it was and the women are not the angels you thought they were. But as I know and Stick knows too many people let their hormones take over and all common sense goes out the window. I think anyone who has read through the articles in this site should be at least sceptical about bar girl relationships but good luck to all those that try. I hope it works out. All the best to you

Stickman says:

Relationships with Thai women can be fantastic, or they can be a nightmare. While each Thai women is different from the next, there are inherent traits that many share. Awareness of these traits and factoring them in to the decision making process can make for a smoother ride.

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