Readers' Submissions

My Amazing Blue Balls Adventure




I asked my gal to show up at 9 PM, but she arrived early, and at 8:45 bumped into me in the lobby as I was returning to the hotel. As we rode the elevator up together, she told me she had just begun her period. Since she has always gone down on me a bit during foreplay, I didn't think this would be an insurmountable problem. Boy, was I wrong.

What she always did rather well for a few minutes of warm-up, she couldn't bring to completion for some reason. Not for lack of trying; I know that. I had the poor thing polishing my knob for at least an hour before finally telling her we should give up and change tactics. I handed her the K-Y and told her she could just give me a wank instead. She couldn't even do that! I'm not kidding. She's the first woman I've ever met who couldn't give a hand job. I don't know quite what's wrong with her. Perhaps she lacks intelligence.

The other night at the Big-C shopping center, we were sitting on the top (3rd) floor, waiting for show time after purchasing our movie tickets, and gazing down at the lower two floors. She remarked, "There are TWO escalators between each set of floors!" I replied, "Yes, dear, how right you are," then realizing she didn't see the logic in this arrangement added, "One goes up and the other goes down." "Oh," she said; then after a long pause, "OHHHHHHH!!!!! Hee! Hee! Hee!" This same gal never rode in an elevator before meeting me and is still afraid to ride in one herself. Is she stupid or just inexperienced?

Anyway, I told her she could go home, now that she had brought me to within a cunt hair of an orgasm and had kept me in that unsatisfactory state for over an hour. I explained as politely as I could that my balls were turning blue, and that I would have to seek relief elsewhere, and that as the situation was rather DIRE and URGENT, I would appreciate it if she would hurry along home now. Of course, she was somewhat distressed and needed much reassurance that she had done nothing terribly wrong, and that I wasn't angry with her. "No, no dear! Don't worry! I'm not angry with you! Not at all! Really! Yes, REALLY! You are such a sweetheart for trying! You made a valiant effort, and it's all MY fault it didn't work!,…" Finally she left.

I made up the bed in a hurry, put my clothes back on, and scrambled out the door. Lord! I was hungry! I hadn't eaten a thing for hours. By showing up early, she had kept me from having a much-needed snack. I had planned: 8:45 Snack, 9:00 Sex, 10:00 out for dinner. It turned out: no snack, unsuccessful sex, now starving and blue-balled.

I took a motorbike taxi to Soi 7 to save time and had the driver drop me off in front of my favorite bar-b-que vendor's cart. The cook was gone! Some kid I'd never seen before was there watching the stuff and told me he could do the cooking for me. I said I'd rather wait for the owner / operator to return from the toilet. I thought if the food's undercooked, I could get sick; if it's overdone it won't taste good; if it's burnt, it's carcinogenic; and if it's finished before the guy returns, I'll have to pay this kid who might have no authority to do business and who might pocket the cash and split. Then I'd be holding a bag of stolen food and could possibly get jailed for it.

So, I waited. And waited. My balls weren't feeling any better from all this delay. After ten minutes, I finally lost patience and continued along to a proper restaurant instead. So much for saving time. I sat and ordered, crossed my legs, and tried to forget about my aching balls.

Seated about 20 feet away, directly in front of me, were a young Farang guy and his beautiful – I mean BEAUTIFUL, SUPER SEXY- Thai girlfriend. She had a skin-tight, dark-blue satin dress on, displaying a pair of the prettiest, shapeliest long legs I've ever seen. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. No man with blood in his veins could. She was totally oblivious to my stares, but not the guy! Oh, no! He was fiercely jealous, it was plain to see. He kept looking all around, 360 degrees, casting menacing glances in all directions to discourage any would-be challengers.

And, Oh! were my balls on fire! It seemed eternity before my food arrived, and when it finally did, I found it difficult to chew and swallow. An appetite of a very different sort was making my mouth dry and distracting me eating. Eventually, I managed the task. I'm sure the food was delicious, but I don't know when I've ever enjoyed a meal less. I paid the bill and jumped into a taxi (a pick-up truck, really) to take me down to Soi Yamato and one of my "ol' reliables."

I didn't have time to waste chatting up new girls- this was urgent! It was almost midnight now, but she was there! Of course she was. She's fat. Most of the lean, sexy girls are bar-fined and getting boned long before the witching hour. Tonight, it didn't matter. She would do. I bar-fined her immediately without sitting down to order. No time to drink. She grabbed her purse and we started walking down the soi to where the taxis were waiting.

About 50 yards down the road, she announced that she was hungry and would have to return to the bar for "just a second" to grab a bite to eat. I could have cried. In the back of the bar is a small kitchen. I sat and waited while she cooked her dinner. If I'd known there would be this delay, no way would I have bar-fined her. She isn't the only "ol' reliable" I have in this town. But, I'd paid already, and now I'd have to wait.

I don't know if you've ever had blue balls before, but it's a sensation difficult to describe- a bit like being constipated, needing to pee and being kicked in the balls and stomach all at once. The condition does not improve with time. It seemed like she would never finish in the kitchen. In reality, it probably took her 5 minutes. Then, she couldn't eat the soup right away. It was too hot. She blew on it, one spoonful at a time while I sat and squirmed, writhing in an agony I could not explain to her.

She and the other girls noticed my unease and took it for ordinary horniness and impatience. I endured many jokes made at my expense. They thought it was funny! They were laughing at my misery, little guessing how greatly I did suffer. My gal took pity on me, though, I guess. With her soup only half finished, she proclaimed herself "full" and we finally left the bar. That was one mad dash we made back to the hotel, I'll tell you! I declined her offer of a pre-sex massage (normally a mainstay and staple of my diet), telling her I'd take my sex straight up and without delay, Pleeeeeease!!! What a release that finally was! Afterwards I had a hot shower and a cold drink and redeemed my rain check for that massage.

Stickman says:

Hilarious!