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The Adventures Of Mr Pootzoo: Puzzled

  • Written by Anonymous
  • November 22nd, 2002
  • 4 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Mr Pootzoo


All work and no play makes POOTZOO a dull farang. Another brutal week through the meat grinder commonly known as earning a meagre living. A simple uncomplicated mindless GO GO BAR night out is just what the doctor ordered. A quick answer to a thin slice of happiness. 90 proof whiskey, 100 proof woman, and forget the 24 carat gold. Just content watching the angelic Thai babes wiggle on stage as they admire themselves in the mirrors lining the bar walls. No expectations because a bad night out is better than a good day at work. Singing loudly out of tune with the blaring music, expecting absolutely nothing and loving it. Time was passing so sweetly and then EYE CANDY ALERT. Look what's strutting my way. An 11 on a scale of 10 parking her sweet ass next to mine as if I didn't exist. Fine with me, tonight I could give a flying FXXX. After a few tick tocks of the GO-GO clock you guessed it, her all so gently sliding up next me started the all so familiar polished routine.

Life was so easy before POOTZOO started reading STICKMAN's website but now gazing deep into her enchanting eyes and methodically being drawn into her sticky web, my head begins to spin recalling STICKMAN's endless stories. Thailand previously a carefree magical escape has now become a mathematical equation with endless variables. Could it be POOTZOO is just a target as any other mortal? Does the GO GO BAR shark look upon me as just another grain of sand on an endless beach? If even half of the STICKMAN's stories are true, could be in deep shit real quick and not realize until its way to late.

Oh how bitter sweet, exactly what POOTZOO wants at arms reach but at what price? Underneath the skimpy bikini and sexy curves possibly enough cooties to scare the shit out of penicillin ? Or to be suckered in financially to aid her families desperate need for the ailing water buffalo's expensive kidney transplant ? The ailing water buffalo tugs at my heart strings but POOTZOO must remain sceptical that if the donated baht ever made it out of Bangkok city limits to the country village, it will only make it as far as daddy's bottle or his secret weekly whore.

After the sweet bliss of sex will POOTZOO wake up two days later because he snacked on nipples laced with knock out drops only to find his wallet has been relieved of its few measly baht? Is POOTZOO just a free taxi to the unreachable fabled riches and false dreams of distant farangland? Is the only purpose of life to talcum powder her tight compact ass?

Oh curse you STICKMAN for the guidance delivered each week to enlighten the plight of the naive horny male species. POOTZOO's predestined trip to the gutter seems to have been thrown a curve ball? Perhaps STICK feels satisfaction for helping a stray soul? Perhaps only unknowingly kindly passing knowledge gained.

Even amidst the knowledge gained, POOTZOO must still have faith that the honest slut still exists. A fine lady who has fallen from grace, hardened by misfortune but not hopelessly wicked. Look at her, how could such beauty be so evil? Give me a warning, a crooked nose, missing teeth or something. The vivid tattoo and trendy cell phone hardly enough creditable evidence for a guilty verdict. She only sees my baht, I only see her physical beauty. Who is the demon?

I have been to the tropical paradise of Jamaica enjoying the white sand beaches and coconut palms swaying in the fresh Caribbean breeze. The story goes that the Jamaican people will sit with you and talk all day if you want them to. The catch is that you have to be buying the rum! —- HOT NEWS FLASH —- 10,000 miles away, it is no different in Thailand. This should come as no epic surprise. Wonderful people in a wonderful land that would love to empty your wallet. This scenario is the same everywhere.

So fair Thai maidens, POOTZOO will continue to cautiously enjoy your prized offerings and hope to avoid the bad apples in the barrel. The GREAT CREATOR performed a magnificent work of art creating the Thai lady although I am puzzled why the GREAT CREATOR put the snack shop so close to the shit house !!!!

THAILAND SAFETY SEX TIP ::::::::

A well known concern is the lacklustre quality of the Thai condom. Did you neglect or forget to bring the quality USA TROJAN brand glow in the dark mind reliever ? If the Thai condom is a last resort must, here is a precautionary method. Dip the Thai condom in Thai hot pepper sauce and put it on. Put another Thai condom over top of the first condom. During the frantic Eden, if the Thai lady's eyes widen to 3 times their normal width and she begins to yodel as a maiden in the Swiss alps, then you know the first Thai condom has gave away and the second is in immediate danger. PULL OUT LAD PULL OUT !! The above method is one step better than using duct tape.

GLOSSARY:

EDEN : A state of bliss, or ultimate happiness.
YODEL : To sing so that the voice fluctuates rapidly between the normal chest voice and a falsetto.
HORNY : Desirous of sexual activity (Oh yeah, like I needed to list this one!)
SLUT : A woman considered sexually promiscuous.
PROMISCUOUS: Lacking standards of selection; indiscriminate.
INDISCRIMINATE : Not making or based on careful distinctions.
DISTINCTIONS : The act of distinguishing; differentiation.

Now everybody officially knows what a slut is. Have you ever met such a lady ?

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