Senor Negro’s First Report
2024 LPGA Honda Championship Chon Buri— final round, Sunday Feb 25th
I’ve always wanted to see the professional lady golfers compete in Pattaya. There are many young and pretty female golfers playing, including this year’s winner—Thailand’s own 24-year old Patty Tavatanakit. She pocketed 255,000 bucks for the win. A typical men’s tournament winner is near 2.5 MILLION bucks! These girls spend their whole lives doing golf and they deserve more. Just all the international travelling they do, in and of itself, is a bitch.
I haven’t been to Thailand in about six years, ever since the meet-up with the Brokenman Repaired (Phet) at Big Dogs.
Stayed at the ‘Mothership’ for three nights. I think it was Brokenman Repaired (Phet) or Dana who coined the name ‘Mothership’. I forgot. Has anyone heard from either lately? What about Pattaya (now Philippines) Gary? I do know Steve Rosse is in a happy place at Turtle Beach. Anyway, I propose changing Nana Hotel’s name to ‘The Motherload’. Haha. <There is an update on Dana in the next column. He remains in the land of the living in Boston. Pattaya Gary is back in the USA. Steve Rosse is enjoying life on his beloved Phuket and has a YouTube channel. Phet, I believe, has largely given up on Thailand – Stick>
There is something comfy, warm, familiar and old- school about the majestic and iconic Nana Hotel that I like. Built in 1966. There was great staff service, large room and a big firm bed. Smoking allowed. And no, I didn’t steal a Nana ashtray (this time).
The bathroom was totally brand new. Six years ago the carpeting was new…now it looks a little ragged.
The breakfast buffet has really gone downhill also. Slim pickings there. But I was very content to be there.
My fourth floor room had a view of the Nana Plaza entrance. Saw a pretty girl hanging out in front, so just by looking out my window and waving her over to the lobby, the deal was done.
We both were tired so we snuggled for an hour with an afternoon nap before the hijinks. Total strangers. Bliss. Very cool.
I am not much of a foodie but the rack of ribs around the corner at Bully’s was magnificent. Thanks, Stick, and readership for the tip. Only used a fork. No knife or fingers! Fall off the bone perfection. The sauce complimented the ribs perfectly. The service staff was top notch as was everywhere I went. Thanks Thailand!
The next day I walked to the end of Soi 4 and while coming back I randomly picked a decent looking girl for a massage. It’s hit or miss with massages and this was a miss from the start. Uggh. Only option was a HJ for 1000 bahtzos, and I was in a vulnerable position so I took the deal. Then went to Nana Plaza, had a beer and watched the comings around 8:30 PM. People smoking weed at the bar. Cool. it was too early and I wasn’t feeling it, so I then went to Stick recommended Margarita Storm for Buffalo wings. The sauce was more Buffalo than the original and I told them so. Excellent. Again, food is not that important to me.
Then Thermae. Now as I recall, Stick was a big fan of Thermae when he first arrived. I love it. If every country had a Thermae the world would be a much better place for sure. I was bedazzled. Too much to comprehend and I was getting buzzed. Did a coupla laps around the place and chatted up a few pretty ladies, but it still didn’t feel right. I was approaching my 10 beer limit by then already.
So onward to Cowboy. Enter. Penny Black, across from Country Road, had an awesome band, so I sat myself outside with another Singha and watched and listened. Nice and comfortable. Sat next to two German fellas with the older one head down on the table. Haha, I’ve been there. Apparently he hadn’t drank alcohol in seven months until then, along with weed, which he hadn’t had for fifteen years. After an hour he came to life and was really hilarious. The younger dude I told him about Thermae. He took off like a rocket and came back an hour later. Fun stuff.
After two hours I walked (?) the rest of the way to the end of Cowboy. No desire to stick my head in any place. See, the thing about titties is: if you’ve see one, you’ve seen them both. And asses…I think I’m more of an ass-man these days anyway. Nothing, I mean nothing, beats a Thai ass on a tight body. I stumble down the soi and people say ‘Hey! You’re an ass, man’ (RIP Rodney Dangerfield). So yeah, I’m an ass man.
Stick mentioned something about how degrading ping pong shows are, but to me, seeing thirty totally naked ladies crammed together in high heels is just as humiliating. Like pieces of meat. I like something left to the imagination FGS! Maybe I’m just getting conservative in my old age, but what a hell of a way to make a living. I can’t recall ever bar fining a dancer…it’s just not worth it. I’ve had spectacular girls, but no dancers.
So anyway, I’m at Crazy House and decide to go in. Well over limit now. Buzzed. Possibly hammered. Details are fuzzy from here on out.
Get a beer and observe. Looks good. I go upstairs to see what else. Another beer. The waitress is very young and cute in her outfit, so I buy her a drink and we chat. We’re almost all alone. I wanted to barfine her. She was willing, until they closed the 2nd floor. Bummer. I lost her somehow and left.
Go next door, Kazy I think it was, hanging on the outside railing. Order a beer from the bubbly petite waitress and chatted. A few moments later, I’m presented with a bill for something like 1,600 baht!
I asked the mamasan what the hell this was all about. A beer, a lady drink, and a barfine. Hmm. I said I just wanted a beer. She started getting into it so I just walked away without any protest from her. Kazy.
Wanted to hit Buddy’s Bar (Stick recommended) on the walk (?) home, but I forgot…or something.
Oh yeah, the golf tourney. Sorry, I forgot.
More coming…
The author of this article can be contacted at : senornegroestaqui@gmail.com
