Readers' Submissions

Bangkok Don Juan, Part 4



Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

This submission continues my series of diary entries, followed by the parallel extract from my narrative poem, Bangkok Don Juan.

 

14th May 2005

Back to Dollhouse. Noticed that Koi (my girl of the night before) had been barfined, and decided that gave me a clear run. Quite liked #48, but then noticed #30, whom Dan had mentioned earlier. Signalled to her, but she gave me a look like a rabbit caught in headlights, and stayed where she was.

I tried again, and a waitress noticed my problem and helped me by bringing her over. I soon found out that #30 had not one word of English, and as I have only been in Thailand for a few days, I know only a few basic Thai phrases. These were enough to establish that her name was Nok, and to ask her age (though I didn’t understand her reply, being a bit hazy about Thai numbers).

The mamasan zeroed in to help out. Indeed, I soon found that she intended to do much more than that.

She began by saying, “You like this girl?”

I said, “Yes.”

“You want to barfine her?”

I looked again at Nok. She was a perfect 10: a slim but shapely body, a pretty face with innocent doe eyes, and a well-sculpted nose. There was only one answer. It was “yes” again.

The mamasan whispered conspiratorially to the waitress, and I began to wonder what was going on. After a moment’s hesitation, she continued, “Well, she virgin. She cost you 10,000 baht.”

I did some quick mental arithmetic. It was never my strong point, but I came up with the figure of £250.  Steep! – but less than half the cost of my flight, and I couldn’t help reflecting that I had not paid £625, and sat in a sardine can for 11 hours, just to see the show. Still, £250!

“5,000,” I hazarded.

“8,000.”

“6,000 ­– best offer.”

After another few moments of conspiratorial whispering, including Nok this time, the mamasan said, “OK, 6,000, but you pay now.”

I shook my head. I had read the advice on Stickman’s site never to pay in advance.

“OK, OK,” said the mamasan, nodding to Nok, who got up and headed towards the stage. Perhaps it was Nok’s fluid movement as she rose from her seat, or the sight of her pert posterior in that barely-there, T-back bikini, but whatever it was, I crumbled.

“OK,” I said, reaching for my wallet.

Mamasan said something, and Nok turned round and gave me a winning smile. That helped to seal the deal. Virgin or not, at least she was up for it.

Then it was back to the Dynasty. I must have wished a thousand times that I could speak more Thai or she more English. Somehow, even with a minimum of each other’s language, you can get by, but with nothing, the situation is very awkward. [Experiences like this were what motived me to learn Thai.]

We did the shower routine, and she got into bed with her towel wrapped tightly around her. I pulled it away and started to caress her body. I soon discovered that her pubic hair had never been trimmed. It didn’t prove that she was a virgin, but it did suggest that she was new to the scene, as most of the girls just can’t leave it alone – shaving, trimming, shaping, etc. [Guys of my generation like women as God made them!] Even with the help of KY, she was very hard to penetrate – and she kept on saying “jep!” [Thai for “it hurts!”] though there was no blood. Not surprisingly, the sex was very unsatisfying [hurting people does not give me pleasure] – something I should have considered before I got carried away.

When it was over, she showered again, then curled up with her back to me to signal that she was going to sleep. I tried to sleep too, but couldn’t. I began to wonder if I had been drawn into a scam. I had no receipt for what I had paid in the bar. Would she demand another 10,000 tomorrow – and perhaps report me to the police, or worse, a Thai pimp with some Thai kick-boxers for backup?

In the event, I was worrying over nothing. In the morning, after she had dressed, I offered her 100 baht taxi money, and she seemed quite happy with that.

When I reflected on the experience later, I decided that it probably was a scam, but of a different sort. She had not been a virgin after all, just acting the part. But it could have been worse. I was £150 poorer, but it had been quite an experience (and I got a canto out of it), and as long as my experiences don’t involve the boys in brown, or kick-boxers in dark alleys, I don’t mind too much.

In my canto, I changed a few details, and built up the idea of the virgin scam by having one of Jim’s friends laugh at him in the last stanza.

 

THE CANTO

 

Virgin on the Ridiculous

In which Jim meets a bargirl who doesn’t speak a word of English and finds that, even if you agree to pay 10,000 baht for a girl, things are not guaranteed to go as expected.

OF ALL the gogos, Jim liked Dollhouse best
Because the girls in there were sweet and fresh.
And even more, tonight, he was impressed
Because the girls were flashing naked flesh.
One caught his eye, demurer than the rest;
Just watching her brought him out in gooseflesh.
He waved to her but couldn’t catch her eye.
How very strange! He asked a waitress why.

She brought the mamasan[1] – a wily crone
Who wouldn’t answer honestly his urging,
But chewed at it, like a dog with a bone,
Until at last seeing Jim’s frustration surging,
Conspiratorially, she made it known,
The girl was just eighteen and still a virgin.
Now Jim was interested to hear that,
Though shocked to hear the price: 10,000 baht!

Jim’s former wife already had a child
When they got married, and he’d never had
A virgin in his life, so he beguiled
Himself with fantasies of her unclad,
And teaching her the tricks that drove him wild.
He never thought ’twas acting like a cad.
And so he closed the deal with eager glee
And moments later she was on his knee.

‘What is your name?’ he cooed into her ear.
‘Mai kao jai,’[2] was her mystified reply.
‘My name is Jim,’ he said, trying to be clear.
‘Di chan cheu Nok ka,’[3] she said with a sigh.
‘Chan mai poot paasaa Angrit ka.’[4] Oh dear!
It seemed she spoke no English, that was why.
A virgin of the body he could dandle,
But of English – oh, that would be hard to handle!

In the event the body side proved tougher.
She spread her legs, he pushed and, ‘Jep!’[5] she cried.
He pushed again, though fearing to get rougher,
And ‘Jep!’ she cried again and groaned and sighed,
And poor old Jim was feeling like a duffer:
He tried his best, but couldn’t get inside.
At last he gave it up, his lust receding,
While she gave way to tears, hurt, sore and bleeding.

Jim felt self-pity. Thought, ‘I’ve been a rat.
The only feelings I thought of were mine.
Losing her cherry hurts – I’ve found out that
It’s only later on that sex feels fine.
So was it worth spending 10,000 baht
To hurt a girl just like a callous swine?’
And then he felt, seeing her tear-stained features,
Compassion for this most vulnerable of creatures.

He said, next morning (with a phrase book’s aid),
‘Korp kun krap,’[6] in an English-sounding Thai,
And gave her a big tip – so much she’d made,
She thanked him with a big smile and a wai.[7]
Seeing her go, he felt somewhat dismayed,
And tears spilled over as he said goodbye.
He cared not that he was 12,000 lighter,
But only hoped his largesse would delight her.

Telling the tale that night of her surrender,
He was surprised when his companion laughed:
‘Oh yes, the bargirls welcome a big spender!
One girl – 12,000 baht – you must be daft!’
‘Not just a girl – a virgin, sweet and tender!’
‘You’re just a victim of her cunning craft!
I know that girl and her ‘virginity’;
She’s sold it many times – the first was me!’

BANGKOK BYRON

 

NOTES

1 mamasan: The mamasan is the manager of the bargirls. She is often a former bargirl herself.

2 Mai kao jai: I don’t understand.

3 Di chan cheu Nok ka: My name is Nok. ‘ka’ has no meaning in itself. It is the polite particle used by females.

4 Chan mai poot paasaa Angrit ka: I don’t understand English.

5 Jep!: It hurts!

6 Korp kun krap: Thank you. ‘Krap’ is the polite particle used by males. We Brits find it funny at first because it reminds us of our slang word for “shit” – but we soon get used to it. After all, in Yorkshire, we abbreviate “couldn’t” to “c**t” all the time!

7 wai: A prayer-like gesture accompanied by a bow, which is a way of saying thank you. However, its use in Thai society is based on status and seniority, and westerners should avoid its use, as they usually get it wrong and make idiots of themselves.

 

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