I think it only right I submit this to this site as I am genuinely one of the people that reads most things posted so I suppose after a few years it’s time to give back to the site. I started visiting the site before my first trip and obviously to this day I still do.
I’m a 33 year old guy and I’ve never been to Thailand for anything other than work, I’m from Europe and in the last 2 years I’ve been to Thailand nearly 40 times, I’m not fluent in Thai yet but I’m not too far off.
As I read through posts by other readers I really do grow tired of the bad/negative stories about “bar girls” or “Thai girls” in general, I’ve been all over Thailand north, south, east and west and of course there are girls that can’t be trusted but no more so than any other country I’ve worked in, in fact no more so than my home city. I worked out for myself within 2 trips how this life is for the girls but I’ve got the brains to see for myself what’s going on. Example have I ever been anywhere other than Thailand (Pattaya, Bangkok) where literally every girl in the bar tells me I’m “Handsome”? I’m still young, I work out, I’m in shape but come on I’ve never had a whole bar think this…..not even close…EVER. Its common sense and still find it hard to believe some guys can’t see what’s going on.
I also have read LOTS about guys having girlfriends here, I know (as friends some more so) lots of bar girls, some genuinely love their boyfriends who only come once per year and behave, some of course have many boyfriends but to generalise “Thai girls can’t be trusted” I find a bitter pill to swallow if I’m honest.
For me personally coming to Thailand as a “tourist” and falling in love is simply lethal and to actually expect the girl in question simply “be good” for the other 11 months of the year you’re at home working is a very hard ask in any country. I’ve seen guys arrive and actually marry the girlfriend in question and leave her in Thailand!……… “she cheated?” “she lied?” again wake up, in any country this is not normal…… as a general rule of thumb “women” need affection/attention no matter where there from in the world…. Throw in there the girl in question has a family to provide for…. You’re asking for trouble and its not a good investment. However I agree and have seen acceptations to this of course.
3 or 4 trips into my Thai experience it was clearly apparent that “Thai people” are different to us “Farang” but I wouldn’t say their way is wrong at all. Sure we as people have far from different backgrounds but there is always a point where both parties can meet and find neutral ground, I’m referring here to business in Thailand AND girls.
I read many story’s here from MUCH more informed guys and learn from their experiences, I once heard a saying that stuck with me “ a smart man learns from the mistakes of others” and its something I try and live by. Many times I have read a seen very smart guys fall in love or lust and it takes over them totally, then when it all falls apart “Thai girls are terrible” “Thai girls are bad” etc
I was reading only yesterday about a guy who upset a girl in a bar as he chose not to buy her a drink but did buy one for another girl which in turn put the first individual into a rage with him. I've had this also, so learning from this in the bars I go to often I have a rotor system. Now its so common for a Farang guy to be asked by the girl for a “lady drink” in turn to be told “next time”…. they know next time won’t come. I set out to change this simply to save my pocket…. On my first trip id have and I'm not joking 4 to 15 girls drinking with me as I didn’t really know how to handle the whole situation plus I liked it….. issue is now when I’m in bars I’m usually talking business with my work mates so were not actually there for the girls. I decided to start a rotor, 1 girl can sit with me, I’ll get her drinks and I’ll make it totally clear when I'm coming back i.e. the next night and who’s turn it will be for drinks….. a few weeks later ALL the girls know I will keep my promise and not only did this save me money it saved face also, I keep my word, the girls are happy…. It works.. Give it a try. Please note I do this also when my girlfriend is with me. I.e. get another girl a drink.
I totally appreciate we all have different views on different subjects but I’d hate for a guy to read “Some” of the submissions and then choose not to come to Thailand. To be frank most bars are set up for “stupid Farang” if you’re coming to Thailand to go crazy, enjoy the girls then I rarely here of any issues. The issues seem to come when guys decide “they no longer want to rent……. They want to buy” i.e. its girlfriend time.
Now I think at this point I feel I should share my story of my girlfriend….. one thing I won’t do is lie, make her out to be the best girl in Thailand (she's not) or the perfect girlfriend… she's not.
As already stated Thailand is not a holiday for me, its work, I'm often working on sites or doing exhibitions. One such site is near pattaya id been there before so on a night ill be on walking street, I like it….. it reminds me of home almost. I feel safe there, I love to dance and the music is my style…. Note how I didn’t mention girls???. Now I won’t mention bar names but I was in a “popular” bar on walking street, had a few beers and was enjoying the music with friends and I was just doing my thing dancing away, a girl I’d never seen before joined me dancing…. Now in my experience I've never come across a Thai girl who truly had rhythm but this girl could dance!!! I was impressed, Sure she was stunning but in honestly to find someone to dance with I was really happy with. Drinks did not come into it at all.
So I invited “dancing girl” I will call her to the nightclub. At this point her “sister” stepped in…. now for the guys who don’t know this is not her real sister this was simply a friend who went on to tell me “dancing girl” is 19, speaks zero English and I must “promise to take care of her” something I did. So off we go to the nightclub where I got the drinks in and we literally hammered the dance floor, she was learning moves of me and then other girls asking “dancing girl” to teach them…. It was a top night. The only thing I asked her was her name and vice versa…. We didn’t say anything more and that was it…. Sure I speak some Thai but I didn’t feel the need to say anything really….. I had a spark with “dancing girl” I could see it so could all my friends… not once did I touch her or vice versa and I made a concerted effort to show her respect all night, I took her number and promised to call the next day but she wanted to come with me….. and she did.
At this point what have I learned? She’s a bar girl… free-lance all be it very new, can’t speak English and “sisters” are teaching her the ropes. I “Think” she’s into me more so than just a customer but this is soooo hard to tell so I didn’t fall for it to be safe.
I saw something in this girl (no it wasn’t me for the filthy minded guys out there) so played this different, sure she stayed but all I did was look after her…. I.e. shower bed to sleep. The next morning I explained I'm not “a normal guy” in terms of customers, I’m more a local guy with me working here so much….. she seemed happy and off she went zero money given or asked for. Over the next 3 months I talked to “dancing girl” lots and introduced her into my circle of friends, if I had meeting within Thailand that needed me to fly there id take her for company, I did some really good business with here around and still do. After many conversations I learned at the point we met she worked in a go go bar but genuinely disliked it, her boss wanted her to go topless but it just wasn’t for her so after meeting me but nothing to do with me went to a sports bar, the sports bar of course had bar fines but she was focused on drinks…… now in my mind that said to me, sports bar = older guys that she won’t like so will make good money off drinks then for extra money she will free-lance in the bar I met her.
Its worth mentioning I can work in any country I choose, I'm not massively wealth but I'm lucky to be able to do what I do, “dancing girl” for me was great company but at this point I started to like her as in “really like her” I needed to return home for around 8 weeks, usually id be home for 2 weeks then back in Thailand again so dancing girl was not used to this.
Once home I found myself thinking about this girl much more than I should, She had never lied to me before but in fairness I did not put her in a position where she felt she need to lie, id left the whole situation loose and I decided I was going to tighten everything.
on the next trip she greeted me at the airport, id sent my driver to collect her then meet me, I wanted info on her life, detail and her future plans etc. now before she answered I reminded her “I'm not stupid” “never lie” or ill simply just say good bye. She went on to tell me she had been with 6 customers before me, me and 2 after “as we were not serious” fair play to the girl I thought. Now is this the Thai way? DEFINITELY NOT, id already made it clear we will do this my way, no lies because it won’t end well, let’s just tell the truth. I also told her id been with a few girls at home, she was upset but who was she to have a go at me I thought? Well her point was she did it for money for her family at home and I did it…. Well because I could. She had a point.
At this time we have almost reached a point where there had to be some natural ground between us as I mentioned above, she told me she would get a day job to replace the free-lance work, now I trust this girl but I found this hard to believe in terms of working times…. Sports bar opens 10pm closes at 3am and she’s wants a 9 to 5 also? No way I could do that but she said she could.
Next trip arrives now she has a job in a restaurant in the day, I’ve seen the pictures plus I’ve been there and seen her working. We also went out in pattaya where she realised she is not the only one with lots of friends there…. SUPPRISE I know lots of people too who in turn now know “dancing girl” so if she were to free-lance id be finding out…… do I actually think she could go with a customer without me finding out?… of course she could! But this is where you put trust in people right? I then went on to meet all her friends including the “sister” who made me “promise” to take care of her….. as id done that so I was well respected in this group and one night they even paid for all my drinks…. Never seen that before.
Now at this point id been “officially” with dancing girl coming up 1 year which was only one month ago, the invite home to Asian has arrived and I'm going in July, I've spoken about sin sod, wedding, living with me in Europe all lead by me…. I have all my answers and I know what I’m going into.
Now given her past I do ask questions and I know she’s tired of it…. I’ve been with lots more girls than she has guys but the stigma of “bar girl” still resonates with me. And she knows this. Yesterday she Calles me and tells me “I have you a gift” I say “I don’t want a gift what do you mean???” she then sends me the picture……. Dancing girl has NO tattoos but now has my name in MASSIVE letters on her arm, now when I say massive I mean MASSIVE there is no covering this tattoo, its not in Thai its in plain to see MASSIVE English. I asked “WHY HAVE YOU DONE THAT!!!!” her reply “ I’m not messing around now you know how serious I am” Fair play to the girl!!!!!!
The point I’m making here, us Farang are not Thai and vice versa but what we do have in common is were all human. Thai girls are not all the same that’s easy to see and would be stupid to think, are they money motivated? Some are but so am I but I’m not looking to rob my partner. If you fall for a Thai work for the neutral ground, don’t be a push over, lead with your head first followed by heart then money, don’t be a fool, be smart and be calculated…. If your Thai girl truly loves you the neutral ground will appear faster than you think.
Thanks for reading and ill post again with updates as I’ve actually enjoyed writing this.