Stickman Readers' Submissions July 25th, 2013

Told You So 16: The Finale?

[Note: I had just started drafting this submission when I read ‘The Ecological Fallacy’ submission by Korski. I wondered
whether I should desist, being also aware of ‘cognitive dissonance’, ‘confirmation bias’ and so on. I decided to continue, having always explained in my submissions that they are based on my honest but limited experiences
– although, of course, seen from ‘my side’ of things. Personal experiences, honestly recounted, may not ‘fit’ with empirical research results but they are no less valid. I offer my experiences for what they are
worth – and it is for others (in this case the readers here) to evaluate and decide

My previous submissions under the ‘Told You So’ headings have told of the disastrous path I followed when I met and married my ‘Filipina Princess’ in Cyprus in 2009. Married within a month of meeting (she had visa issues), the problems in getting her a visa to UK, and so on. I have explained how the marriage went down the pan, how she rapidly found an older but richer man (with a vulnerable child) and what followed. No need to rehash that stuff here – it’s available to read if you’re interested.

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My divorce came through about a year ago. I haven’t yet worked out what the whole process – marriage, visa, divorce – cost me (perhaps best not to) but I guess that I could have had a month in Thailand (including flights) with multiple assorted ‘interesting’ companions for less.

I have posted here about the duplicity encountered with my FP, about her son, her marriage, and so on, and I think I have explained often enough about the fact that there is no divorce in the Philippines. (I mention it again as a Public Service Announcement for our readers). I don’t necessarily blame her for that, I think she was (as I’ve commented here before) ‘keeping her options open’.

A few months ago FP turned up at my front door one evening when I was in bed with ‘flu. Luckily I had my weight behind the door because she was trying (literally) to force her way in. Previous experiences with Filipinas forcing their way in – and the problems in ejecting them – informed me. She told me she had ‘big problems’ and perhaps unkindly I suggested she spoke to her new boyfriend about them. It was only when I threatened to call the police (she has a record for the knife attack) that she left.

And that was that, as far as I was concerned.

Yesterday, I had a call from a friend of a friend. It appears that FP was served with a notice from UK Border Agency to the effect that because we were divorced her right to stay in UK had ceased, and she had a specified period to leave the UK. She had failed to comply, I understand, and UKBA attended her place of work, arrested her, and she has been deported to the Philippines.

I have very mixed feelings about this. She made my life a misery. As far as the vulnerable child is concerned, she made their life a misery. And yet, I know that where she worked in the care home she was held in very high regard. While she was here in the UK she worked hard, she qualified, and – to be honest – she was doing a job many Brits won’t do.

As far as I know, she went back to the Phils with about GBP 10,000 in cash. A substantial sum there, I believe, and enough to finance a whole new life.

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A couple of weeks ago I met up with my good friend, married to a Filipina I had known in Cyprus. He now has two children. He has spent a small fortune on her visa, put his life on hold for a few years, and even now (as someone who really could have a good life) is just living ‘on hold’. He has spent a great deal of money on visas, papers, and procedures. His wife, who came from a poor background, could never have imagined that she would live in the comparative luxury she now does. Enough said.

And on an entirely unconnected note, I happened to have contact with a UK family whose son (very young) had met and married a Filipina. They had a stylish marriage – but unsurprisingly – the parents were left with the whole bill. The Filipina (apparently from a wealthy family) is not so keen to mix in with family life and use the hoover. Back home, she said, they had people to do that.

I offer these experiences purely to add to the wealth of knowledge of experiences available here on the Stick site. Nothing scientific, nothing much to discuss.

It is just what it is.

Stickman's thoughts:

A number of people who know both Thailand and the Philippines well tell me that they believe Flips make much better wives than Thais. It would seem your experience differs!

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