Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts And Anecdotes Part 387

  • Written by Dana
  • July 6th, 2013
  • 5 min read



The Strip Gogo Bar Bangkok


Dana Note: Geneva, Switzerland, Trannies and Science

The Compact Muon Solenoid (CMS) experiment at CERN's Large Hadron Collider (LHC) near Geneva, Switzerland has confirmed that groups of trannies display liquid plasma-flow posse behavior when they spot an Indian or ethnic bearded foreigner wearing sandals and socks. Collisions lead to violent anarchy and foreigner breakdown confirming the quantum mechanical theory of trannies and non-trannies. Expected and unexpected effects of tranny-nontranny foreigner collisions have caused the Large Hadron Collider to reschedule many coming events. Random top scientist quotes follow:

1. Myron Poopnozzle Yazdani, chief scientist PR attache for the Geneva, Switzerland Matter & Energy international experiment consortium said:

"Sweet Jesus on a cracker, we don't know what is going on; there are trannies everywhere."

2. Vejay Sith was quoted saying:

"I love physics. Physics velly velly good. I'll bet my brother who owns two 7-11's in Bayonne, New Jersey has never seen anything like this."

3. Gunther von Braun of the Berlin University Physics Dept. was heard to exclaim:

"Holy shitenheimer. Look at the log that one is draggin'."

4. Plonbern Dingo of the Perth, Australia visiting group of string theoryists was heard in hallway 7, section 19, lab building 2R screaming:

"Someone get some pants on that tranny."

5. Ezra Pound Nutball PhD. of the Venice, Italy Nutballs, chief prognosticator of neutrino unprovable theories was quoted in both the Compact Muon Solenoid Experiment weekly bulletin and the Obscura Poetica Insufferable Asses Quarterly (OPIAQ):

"Holy sweet sufferin' crabcakes. Look at these security photos of trannies in building 6. Naked and dragging penis logs like Thai elephants dragging teak logs. Tight lean stomachs (scientifically tight lean stomachs that is), small boy waists, high breasts, and everyone swinging at least 15".

Latin petals
On a wet black bough.
Laughing neutrinos
Without future, past, or now.

Trannnies in builidng 6,
Primal memories of sexual dance.
Trannies in building 6,
I'm pulling off my pants."

Dana Science Note Addenda: Needless to say, all building 6 security photos of tranny activity were destroyed in the Large Hadron Collider experiment involving visual matter anniliation and quantum theory conservation of mass. Ezra Pound Nutball PhD. of the Venice, Italy Nutballs can recieve mail at the Lake Baikal sanitorium and sturgeon egg processing plant in Russia.

6. Barney Blickstein, NASA's European associate administrator for international science data platforms said:

"The 2018 launch of the James Webb Space Telescope, the successor to the Hubble Space Telescope, will allow us to see even deeper and closer to the birth of the universe. We should be lookinig for post hydrogen gas tranny formation and formations. I volunteer to look for early trannies."

Well, there you have it Dana fans and fanettes: another hardhitting bugle category science note from Dana Central here on South Road in Pattaya, Thailand. Emma-the-Tranny has volunteered to go to Geneva to sort things out. Her cover letter-resume-proposal was a manilla envelope full of pictures. The pictures are being examined very carefully by the world's top physicists. We will keep you apprised of any further developments.

BALLYHOO BAR

"What was sent, therefore, was scanty but sufficient to keep informed those who prefer a straightforward statement to surmise, sensation, and ballyhoo." — H.W. Tilman

Graduates of the Dana Enterprises stringer school receive T-shirts with this quote on it. Tilman is my personal hero and I love these T-shirts. Anyway, hopefully, the quote will remind them of their responsibility to only send in information, reports, stories, interviews, and essays of the incontestable kind. Dana Enterprises does not, will not, and has not supported surmise, sensation, or ballyhoo. Especially ballyhoo. You can hoo if you want but when you ballyhoo we
have nothing in common. If we publish that tranny Emma is 14" long someone on staff has measured it and we have pictures in the files that have been witnessed and notarized by an expat of sterling standing.

If a stringer sends back a report stating that the flooding in Pai is worse than the flooding in Pang Ma Pha we run side-by-side photos of local waterbuffalos. The waterbuffalo in Pang Ma Pha is up to his balls in water, and the waterbuffalo in Pai has only his mouth, eyes, and horns showing. Ask yourself this question: do you get this kind of straightforward statement in other Thai newspapers? Exactly.

If we receive a report from a Bangkok stringer on a kite festival that stringer knows that we only want historically accurate information on the winners even if they are a bunch of lameass ugly crippled up old Thai guys with crooked teeth and lizard eyes. Sending us gratuitous pictures of beautiful Thai ladies with kites is definately skipping a stone across the publishing waters of surmise, sensation. and ballyhoo.

In fact, that gives me an idea. During the high season in Pattaya, there are approximately nine hundred bars and other venues of adult entertainment and disportment. I may dispatch Chiang Mai Kelly on a stringer survey mission to see if there is a Ballyhoo Bar. If there are two girls in the bar named Surmise and Sensation we need to know about that. Dana Enterprises: your source of information without ballyhoo.

CAT SUICIDE

Not everything I write about Thailand is a happy thing. Not every memory is a vase of flowers. Some things just rip your heart out.

Example: I received another anonymous tofu burger in the mail from Mr. You-Know-Who from Chiang Mai. One look and I got out my monogrammed stainless steel samurai style bread knife and chopped it into bite sized pieces.

Put it down on the floor for the cat. The cat took one look and two smells and jumped out of the window. My penthouse is on the thirty-third floor.

Now I have no cat. I used to have some kind of pussy inbetween my tourist trips to Thailand but now I have no pussy. The pet coroner said it was cat suicide triggered by tofu burger instead of cheeseburger. Cats have been around for a long time. There are
pictures of cats on the temple walls of ancient Egypt. They are eating cheeseburgers, not tofu burgers. You can't fool a cat.

Like I said, not everything I write about the Thailand experience is a happy thing. Not every memory is bunch of daisies waving in the wind. Some things just rip your heart out. A friend noted that if I had just eaten the Caveman tofu burger the cat would still be alive. Screw the cat.