Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 376

  • Written by Dana
  • April 20th, 2013
  • 6 min read




Hello kats and kittens in Stickland. Here is Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 376 and thank-you for being loyal readers.

On a less happy note I am going to publish next week all of the loyal readers I have lent money to and not received anything in return. It is time to name names. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Here at Dana Enterprises on South Pattaya Road I have Ning and Ding and Flam and Bru working on the accounts and the names.

Dana Enterprises Note:

From the All Things Dana All The Time (ATDATT) website writer's meeting of Feb 20, 2013: the Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev had a birthmark on his head that looked like a map of Thailand. And people ask why we need an All Things Dana All The Time (ATDATT) website. I suppose in the case of president Gorbachev it was not called a tramp stamp.

CHEWY CHOCKY FANCY

SQUIRRELS OF THE WORLD by Richard W. Thorington, Jr. and John L. Koprowski and Michael A. Steele and James F. Whatton: A Johns Hopkins University Press production. Notice in Science News–(magazine of the Society for Science & the Public) — December 1, 2012.

Ok, Dana fans and all the mongers at sea: this is what I am thinking. It took four guys; Richard, John, Michael, and James to write the definitive worldwide book on squirrels. Squirrels. SQUIRRELS. Squirrels for god's sake. Squirrels. It took four fancy pants, smarter-than-you guys with more degrees than a thermometer factory to write a book on squirrels of the world.

So the idea immediately occurs to me (and I am sure you); how many authors would it take to write the definitive book on Thai commercial ladies. And not a book that covered all the Thai commercial ladies of the world (New Zealand, Canada, USA, Australia, England, Iceland, Germany, Singapore, Hong Kong, etc.); just a book, a definitive book, that covered the subject of happy commercial smilers of the Kingdom. Consider some of the categories: young, not young, pretty, not pretty, friendly, not friendly, mentally stable, loopy, bleeding eyebrow pluckers, other language fluent, hate men, cruisers, prostitutes, whores, part-timers (Robinson's girls), thieves, addicts, single, married, stretch marks, tramp stamps, 6's, 7's, 8's, 9's, 10's, etc. These human squirrels of Thailand are considerably more varieties and interesting than the squirrels of Richard and John and Michael and James.

These four squirrel guys getting a mention in Science News (magazine of the Society for Science & the Public) — December 1, 2012 might be good choices to head up the project. Each of them could be in charge of twenty stringers, interns, and research assistants. The resulting publishing project would be a multi-volume set of Winston Churchill seriousness and size describing everything about Thai ladies of the commercial kind. I'm guessing probably around five thousand chapter notes and footnotes, fifteen hundred pictures, charts, diagrams, government stuff, United Nations mentions, stories, anecdotes, measurements, maps, pop-ups, holographic material, banking records, legal matters, etc.

So if someday you are walking back to the A.A. Hotel from Swenson's Ice Cream with a bowl of Chewy Chocky Fancy and a plastic spoon, don't be surprised if a guy or a gal wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a squirrel on it runs up to you and starts asking questions. He or she is working for Richard W. Thorington, Jr., or John L. Kaprowski, or Michael A. Steele, or James F. Whatton and he or she is doing important research.

DANA IS IN PATTAYA

"what little enthusiasm remained at local level gave way to resistance, flight, pilfering, theft . . . foot-dragging, misrepresentation, abject fear and sullen compliance." — James C. Scott

Once again, Dana is in Pattaya.

A NEW MALE BOASTING STORY

"Despite the recent clinical trials reporting clinical activity for HDAC inhibitors, several issues are still unresolved, including the optimal dose and schedule, the duration of treatment, the long-term side effects of chronic administration, integration with other biologic and cytotoxic therapies, the specific tumor phenotypes more suitable for this approach, and potential cross-resistance among different agents." — Li Shen, PhD, and Roberto Pili, MD

Yes baby. Like I said. Anyway you Thai fluent expert: say that in Thai. Ah, I'm no fun. I know. You ought to be able to tell people you can speak Thai fluently without being tested. I mean, if you say you can get an erection, nobody asks you to prove it in public. Same thing, right? And why pick on Thailand? There are big bellied florid faced expats in fifty countries telling people they are fluent in the local language. This is one of those inconsequential social courtesy things. You ought to be just be able to say it without being challenged. Only thing is: the world has pretty much identified facts as something important. These expat big talkers? They aren't fluent in the local language. Why not just chill on the whole thing. Come up with some other boasting and bragging thing?

You are not fluent in the Thai language (central Thai to most non-Thais). You never were fluent in Thai (you should have heard me five years ago mate), and chances are overwhelming that you never will be a fluent speaker of the Thai language. In ten years the Thais will still be running away when you speak to them in Robinson's. Brain research shows that with many intellectual endeavors (chess, math, music, languages) if you do not climb the mountain right away, more time will not get you to the top. This is contrary to what many good parents tell their children but exertion and will in most cases can not trump biology. So, do us all a favor and come up with a new male boasting story. I'll still like you. I like you now. Just stop telling me that when you play snooker with a Thai that you understand every little aside that he is having with his girlfriend. Oh, by the way; I'm an Olympic class swimmer. You know, because everybody can be an Olympic class swimmer if they just try hard enough.

LETTER TO STICKMAN

I am currently working on an 18,000 word submission that will detail all the wonderful things you are going to do for me at my retirement party. I know that you have already given this a lot of thought and you have a lot of wonderful ideas. Communications on this subject need to go to my office assistant Bloomy and her assistant Doomy. I expect this up-and-coming historical event to be featured in one of your future Weeklies. Bloomy and Doomy can help you with schedules, wants and needs, entertainment choices, guests, incognito appearances by published authors, raffles, speech making, take-away gift bags, videos, on site film processing, standby doctors, food issues, security, paparazzi issues, open bar, light show, and other important miscellanea. No, on site weddings are not possible. Sorry. Bloomy and Doomy only work Monday through Saturday. If you call on Sunday ask for Twit or Twat.

Well, that is it for today kats and kittens: five little looks through the farang peephole here in the Kingdom. See you around the boardwalk and remember: Stay Away From Fa. Oh, and one other important thing: STAY AWAY FROM FA.