Stickman Readers' Submissions February 9th, 2013

Second Chances in Life

I have been reading stories from this website for the past 10 years and find many of them interesting, insightful and informative. When I was in my late 20s and early 30s, I was a frequent visitor to Thailand and enjoyed many wonderful days and nights in Thailand with the bargirls when it was a true girlfriend experience.

My first visit to Thailand was a shock to the system, a good shock, and on my first visit to Pattaya I remember thinking that it was like Disneyland for single males with the sheer number of bargirls within a small area. Thailand was exciting and full of energy. As a young male with a lot of libido and spare cash, I was very popular with the girls in the bars and I had a great time and they swarmed over me. But over time and after a number of years, I got tired of the bar scene as more of the girls became more business-like.

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When I got married in Farangland, my Thailand days were over and I settled down with the wife and kids here in America. It was a happy and fulfilling marriage for many years. Unfortunately, like a lot of marriages, over time the marriage started going downhill gradually and sex went from twice a week to once a week to once every two weeks to once a month to a handful of times a year. It is the sad but not unusual tale of many marriages here in America and in the West. Still sex was only part of the problem and there were other factors as well and it become a loveless marriage.

Now newly divorced and in my early 50s, I am rediscovering dating in America after 20 plus years away from the dating world. It is completely different than dating when I was in my 20s and I am having a hard time adjusting. I don't recall having so many problems meeting women when I was in my 20s.

Some here have talked about being the invisible man as far as attractive younger women are concerned when you are an average guy in your 50s. I can't speak for everyone but for me, that has definitely been the case. Of course, there are many men who have that mix of charm, looks and money that women find irresistible. It is said that 20% of the men get 80% of the available women, juggling a number of women at the same time and not having enough time for all the women they are dating.

Many on this website have talked about the obesity issue with Western women but there are many attractive slim women in their 40s. Of course, they tend to pair up with good looking physically fit, tall men or rich men. For average men in their 50s the pickings are slim and the women seem to know that the odds are in their favor.

There is intense competition for attractive slim Western women here in America and if you are not tall and handsome and fit (or very wealthy), it is difficult to meet and date younger, attractive slim woman.

On one particular online dating site, I contacted over 100 women and got zero responses.

There are some who call men who have difficulty meeting compatible attractive women "losers" but I beg to differ. Women who are attractive and in good shape know that they can attract a lot of men and they have the right to be picky due to the large number of suitors. Supply and demand favors women here in America.

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Still I recognize that I can get dates but I am not excited about going out with someone who I don't think is particularly attractive or not in decent physical shape. Some would say that I should just accept my lot in life, and an average looking overweight woman in her late 40s is the best I can hope for in Farangland.

But I am also aware that it is a completely different dating situation for even the average looking American man with a decent job overseas in so-called developing countries such as Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, Russia, Brazil, Costa Rica, Columbia and so on. I selected Thailand as my first choice because I was familiar with Thailand and I desire to be with a younger, slim, attractive women and Thailand is bursting at the seams with such women. In addition, there is more interest among such women in the average guy in his 50s or above. Still it would be a difficult task to meet a respectable Thai woman suitable for marriage.

First I tried online dating to meet Thai women but it was difficult to figure out who was sincere and wife material and who were scam artists or bargirls messing around. After a few months I gave up. After much Internet research, I decided to try using a marriage agency. Some call it "mail order bride" but I see it as more like hiring a company to help you screen out some of the bad apples and provide support and expertise in dating Thai women interested in marrying a Western man. Would this actually work in finding a soul mate in Thailand? I don't know but it was worth a try to me and it was better than going solo in the effort.

So I looked over the pictures on their website and selected a few girls to meet. Not everyone was keen on meeting me and a number were already taken or not available, but there were more than enough suitable slim, attractive, younger women who were willing to meet me for me to fly out there.

I had not been back in Thailand for over 20 years. I was tempted to go back to the bar scene and hook up with bar girls but I was trying to move on from my old ways in Thailand. I was going to stay focused and I did.

It is one thing to settle down with a Thai woman in Thailand. It is completely different situation to try to take her back to America. I would probably enjoy moving to Thailand but I have a good job here in America and many more years to work before I retire. I can't travel to Thailand for more than a few weeks for vacation so Thailand must come to me. If I can find that special woman in Thailand, I believe I can be happy.

The many sad stories on this website tell about the dangers of picking the wrong type of woman and quickly losing her to younger, better looking men when you take her back to Farangland. I go into this with my eyes wide open. No bargirls. No gold diggers. A caring sincere woman with a good heart who also happens to be attractive and slim. I hope I am not asking for too much.

To try to increase the odds of a successful marriage, I decided not to see anyone younger than 34 and aimed for someone in her mid to late 30s. I have young kids already so I really didn't want another baby.

I was open to meeting Thai women who already had kids. There was an open question as to whether a Thai woman with kids would want to bring them to America but the marriage agency owner told me that usually most women prefer their kids to continue to be cared for by their grandparents in Thailand. We shall soon see if that is true.

There will always be a question about whether the Thai woman is marrying you for money, and there is the expectation that you will take care of her and her family. For many Thai ladies, money and love go hand in hand, particularly when they are marrying an older Western man. Indeed, there is little doubt that money is the primary factor. As long as there is also some actual affection and love, I don't have a problem with this. I am willing to take care of my future wife and her family within reason.

Once again, there are many in the West who look down on men who take this path but I see this as a chance for happiness. When I arrived at the marriage agency, I was very happy to meet these attractive younger (but not too young) slim Thai women who were interested in going out with me and possibly getting married. I can tell you that if I meet similar women in America, they would have no interest in me at all and there would be a long line of men interested in them.

There is still a big challenge in finding someone who is interested in more than someone to take care of them, but it is a challenge that I look forward to.

There have a been a number of wonderful women that I have meet so far and there is one special person that I am very interested in. We had a wonderful time during my first visit but I need to know her a little better. Holding hands, kissing, romantic candlelight dinners, cuddling in bed. It has been very nice and I feel young again and I haven't felt such warmth and affection in a long long time. She doesn't speak much English and I don't speak much Thai but somehow we manage to communicate with our dictionaries. We have been talking on the phone for the past few months since I returned home and I will see her again in a few months and hoping for the best.

I don't know how this will turn out but I am optimistic about the future and that is more than I can say when I was married and unhappy. Second chances in life are rare but when they happen, you have to take advantage of them.

Stickman's thoughts:

Good luck.

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