My Roller Coaster Ride(s) in South-East Asia
This is a recollection of my experiences in South-East Asia with young ladies with the aim of highlighting the pitfalls I uncovered en route.
I would like to start with a few facts about me so the readers know some background. First, why do I want to write this, my first submission? Well I have had to keep this all to myself for 3 years and I can't tell this story to anyone I know and I would like to get it off my chest. I also believe that it covers a lot of issues that are popular on Stickman and I want to suggest some conclusions during the piece and at the end. I hate generalisations as a rule, as there are always exceptions, but sometimes you just have to box things up to get the bigger picture. I have read 60% of previous readers' submissions and I don't intend this to be anything more than a recollection of events that have happened to me and the conclusions I have drawn from them. Some of the stuff here you have seen before and I do not claim to be an expert.
Some background about me. I am mid-forties, European, married for more than 15 years and have a BMI of 22. I look average with nothing out of place and a full head of hair. I have been travelling on business in South-East Asia for over 10 years. Of the main South-East Asian cities I have lost count of how many times I have been to them. BKK is up at over 40 visits I would guess. I have also travelled extensively out of the main capitals and seen lots of the countryside. Total number of days in country in South-East Asia? I would have a stab at 3 years in theatre in total with most business trips lasting two or three weeks and covering four or five countries a time. To spice that up I backpacked around Asia in my younger days for about 6 months so I know what living in hostels in the rough part of town is like compared to the 4- and 5-star hotels I enjoy today.
Now here comes the interesting part. Until about 2½ years ago I had never touched an Asian woman nor ever been unfaithful. That's not to say I never had any offers but I always politely refused as I was married and when I was single and backpacking I was simply too young. That all changed overnight almost about 2½ years ago and it was a complicated series of events that made that life-changing night happen.
So what happened on that night? What has happened to me over the last 2½ years and why now don't I even look at a Caucasian woman anymore? Moreover, why am I now only attracted to Thais and Filipinas now?
Two major life changing events happened at approximately the same time 2½ years ago. I had noticed on the domestic front a massive increase in alcohol consumption (hers, not mine) and a nasty tone (her correcting me every time I opened my mouth) which was not there before. Now before you say it, I did think it could actually be me. So I went a bit quiet and mentally noted when the bitching happened, why it happened, and who tried to diffuse it. I did not just throw the towel in. I tried to get things back on track and suggested she quit her job and chill at home for six months and this kind of thing. To cut a long story short, I did try hard to get her to see the light but the break-up was her fault, no doubt about that. I don't want to go into too many details but she had turned into the ugly duckling from the lovely princess and it actually suddenly dawned on her after me moving into my own room for a few months and behaving like a monk. She wanted me back. By then it was too late. Too late because I had met the needle in the haystack in South-East Asia.
Anyway, I found myself in Manila on yet another business trip with the knowledge that I suspected I could not rescue the marriage and I was mentally single. I like being mentally single, I realised. So I have domestic problems and some mid-life crisis
issues thrown together giving a nasty cocktail which would turn my “normal” life on its head very quickly in Manila!
The night to change all nights. I am staying in Makati and out having a few beers on my own after working all day and after a long flight the day before. The next thing I know this stunning girl hits on me while I am minding my own business and just chilling to the music. I am in a jovial and merry mood so I start chatting away with her and having a good laugh. I announce I am going back to the hotel after a very entertaining chat lasting a couple of hours. She then says she wants to come with me. I happily agree, and as we are about to leave the bar she suddenly has a friend with her who had been sitting at the same table but had been speaking to another Filipina all night. Being of the old school I enquire as to the purpose of why her sexy mate is in the taxi with us and she replies that her mate wants to come back with us. Well, I didn't want to be rude so 30 minutes later we are all under my rain shower in the hotel with 3 San Migs. I was told later her mate wants to lose her virginity! I was told when taking her not to push too hard because it was painful and her first time by her mate who was looking on. OMG what a night. What did I pay them? Nothing, apart from all the drinks I bought them so I couldn't really work out their motive unless it was just fun. I didn't care. What a night. But now there is a big problem and that is I have just had better sex than I have ever had before in my life and I can get it every night here in South-East Asia. Anyway, that was the end of that trip and I had now officially committed adultery. Did it matter? Yes it did.
On the plane on the way home I decided I would never sleep with my wife again until she got herself back on track and I liked her again. If she didn't get herself on track then we would have to part company. I have kids involved so I can't just
pack my bags as I am a responsible father. I put myself second and I would just have to try and make the best of a bad situation and live with it. Not ideal many would say but I was not prepared to go and ditch the kids and I really didn't
know what to do to be honest. I just knew now the marriage was beyond rescuing.
So I am back in Europe, in a dark winter, 2½ years ago, having incriminated myself in such a disgusting way… J with two Filipina lovelies and suddenly I get a pop-up while surfing on an Asian news website for ThaiLoveLinks. Being of a curious nature and having had the ride of my life with two lovely young Filipinas I decide to create a profile. I got very little response because I posted no picture (obviously) and my “I don't want any more kids” status. So I started to email and “cold call” and hunt a few of the lovelies who were not hitting on me but I liked. I can when I am in the mood do my Hugh Grant stuff so I got a few dates lined up for my next trip to Thailand a month or so later even with no profile picture after some webcam chats on Skype etc. I think I met three Thai girls on the next trip. I had made the prevision of changing hotels at strategic points of course during this trip. Stick doesn't print bedroom details but I can just say I met girls with jobs, one even drove up from Rayong. They were all fun, all stunning and we went the whole way so to speak. They were all under 30, you could present them to your mother and they would make every male head turn walking around your local supermarket in Farangland.
One of these ladies said she would not have sex on the first date very early in the evening. No problem for me I told her and I put myself to bed on the sofa after a night of clubbing giving her the double bed. I was awoken at 4 AM with a naked 28-year old beauty on top of me and she wanted it constantly the next night too. It was only later she admitted she was married (to a farang) otherwise I would not have dated her. I caught her lying several times and I told her she was crap at lying but she just giggled and gave that lovely big Thai smile. Wonderful. This farang husband of hers had married a babe but he worked too much, drank too much and she wasn't getting the attention she needed… Say no more. Anyway so what happened next? Well I got hooked of course on this dating thing and realised I was now living a lifestyle only the rich and famous seem to. Next thing I know I am on three different Asian websites and after a few months have dates booked up in four or five countries in South-East Asia constantly. These dates are a mix of “old girlfriends” (repeat dates) and new attempts. It was like a military operation keeping the work element going, finding time to date and keeping all the girls in the dark about each other. In the end I had to “dump” a few just to keep control of the situation even though they were very nice.
Now here comes another complication. I meet the most beautiful and charming Thai girl in a nightclub. I could tell she is new to the freelancing game as she knows five words of English and was useless in bed (starfish) and complained when I accidently (yeah, right) unloaded in her mouth. I needed to check her out a bit more as this was my first and only freelancer experience and she claimed to be normal girl. She lives up north and is late twenties and her Thai boyfriend dumped her when she got pregnant, she tells me. So I took five days leave during my next business trip and went to see her and her family up in northern Thailand. Oh my God. They have a nice house, a few cars, cable TV and she is a nice normal girl with a job in a hair salon?
“Why were you freelancing, honey?”, I asked her. Because she was “bored” was her answer and her friend asked her to come with her to BKK. She also said she would not go with anyone she didn't like and she liked me otherwise she “don't boom boom with farang man and father angry because I go BKK”.
I saw her a couple of times and despite her being the most beautiful girl I am ever likely to be with I just had to let her go. She had mood swings, told a few white lies, and asked me for money just once too often. I let her go. She took money for sex.
You must let them go. I still sometimes a year later look at the pictures of us together but I will never contact her again even though she is physically an angel.
So suddenly I am living the classic lie. Married father, sleeping in my own room but otherwise fully operational on the domestic front and the children are very happy. Why don't I just go? I will go, I just don't know when and want it to be managed for everyone.
So what the hell has gone wrong? There is no easy to answer that and it's a combination of things in my opinion and I will touch on them in the conclusions at the end but Western women's attitudes are one of them.
I sit at the table with one of my girlfriends from Thailand and she puts food on my plate and fills my glass. I get out of the shower and the hotel room has been tidied a bit and my clothes folded despite saying repeatedly that it's not needed but they still say they want to do it and they ALL like doing it. They will also do anything in the bedroom without any hesitation on any day of the week or any time of day. They are just full on sexy, all of the ones I have met anyway. Thai, Phil and Indo. They understand a man thinks with his small head and if you treat them like a gentleman, look like one, and have some charm and banter they will be eager to please in many ways including the small head. I have also witnessed that they can read your moods too and deal with them intelligently. If you bark a bit loud one early morning because you got out of bed the wrong side the Filipina will ignore it (at least visibly), the Thai will give you a look but not say too much as long as you patch it up a bit later. Your Western girl however will tell you where to get off straight away. Also your Western woman in my experience will then develop a mood herself which you then have to subdue and spend the rest of the day(s) compensating in one way or another.
I am not saying every Asian lovely is better than your average Western girl as there will be good and bad on both sides. It does seem however that a higher percentage of Asian girls are more placid (I don't want to use the word submissive) than their Western counter parts. In my opinion the Thai is the more beautiful specimen of the South-East Asian races and has looks advantages in terms or height and figure but the Filipina has the better “wife” qualities, won't drain your wallet and be worried about getting the latest Iphone.
I guess I should put down a few statistics from the dating sites and my 2½ years of self-inflicted bliss. I guess it has been around 15 girls from 3 countries from the dating sites and one Thai freelancer. Of those 16 met and slept with, I have seen all of them more than once except three who I only slept with once and met once. So of the 13 remaining I have seen ten of them more than three times each and seen five of them very regularly and consider three of these five my girlfriends. These three lovelies (Two Thai and one Filipina) I chat too almost daily and see every month or two and fly them around in South-East Asia so we can meet when possible if I can't get to their country and they can get time off work. I would have liked to choose one of them earlier and not string them along but I couldn't because I had been spoiled for a couple of years with getting away with having multiple girlfriends and I didn't know until a couple of weeks ago which one I liked the most. One of these three has turned out (I was not impressed on the first couple of dates) to be absolutely perfect. She is the oldest of the fan club at 36 and doesn't have one gram of fat on her body. I will never be able to discuss international trade deficits or NASA's latest mission with her but do you know what? I don't want to I have concluded. The more intelligent your partner. the more likely you are to meet your own match and then the relationship will just be a series of compromises. Lets call this 45 kg sex bomb “Vee”.
So two and half years later and living like a cross between Charlie Sheen and an MI5 agent and domesticated nodding dog I have created a whole new set of challenges. These challenges are that I have three absolutely lovely girlfriends and I know my conscience won't allow me to run with this long term or the obvious will happen and I will get busted or lose “Vee”. I am also still married and want to leave but my conscience won't let me. So who to choose and what to do? String them all out as long as I can and just go down in flames in true rock and roll fashion? Or just let them all go and shag my life away with some new girls as and when the mood takes me? There is a problem and that is that “Vee” is the needle in the haystack. 10 years younger than me, has a normal job, likes a beer and a dance at the weekend, sporty, long legs, looks like a model, I am the only farang she has ever slept with, her family are middle class, she doesn't have any baggage and I have told her no kids which she is ok with. She is a good cook, she doesn't lie (OMG) and her family are lovely people. That's where I am today folks.
1. Once you start down this road (road being dating lovely young girls in South-East Asia for sex only) it could be very hard to stop. I found myself on my “date free nights” in bars chatting to freelancers. So if you are weak-willed do not go down this path. Date for the right reasons and treat them with respect.
2. It has been written on this site before but I will say it anyway. If you go with anyone for sex you have to pay money to they will NOT make a suitable long-term partner. It will bite you in the arse at some point. Dump them post shag.
3. You can find a perfect lady on the Asian dating sites if that is what you want. It will take many dates and lots of online chatting. If you want a relationship then date the old-fashioned way and don't shag everything you meet on the first night.
4. I will drop all of the girlfriends except Vee and stop this butterfly nonsense. It was needed a few months ago and was the best thing I have ever done in many respects but it has to stop.
5. If you don't travel to Asia 5 times a year don't get a long term relationship going. It wont last in most cases. I do so I am ok. I meet many who don't and its just frustrating. It's ok being apart for 6 months initially but if one party does not move it's doomed.
6. Will your South-East Asian lady be happy in Farangland? It's not easy. I think you need to split your time between both countries, hers and yours. I wouldn't want to live in Asia all the time. So a sustainable plan is needed to keep both parties happy.
7. There are so many liars on the dating sites. It's a minefield which makes it's great fun and it's a numbers game to find the good one. So do the numbers in a civilized fashion. The good one won't be your hi-so princess or your go-go dancer but something in between.
8. You don't need to get the girls in the bars or on the dating sites. Chat them up in the shopping centres and the hotels.
9. There has been a lot of debate about Western versus Asian girl recently on this site. Asian
10. If your marriage is heading for the rocks or you have doubts don't go with a South-East Asian girl. It will be the end that's for sure. Once you see that smile, dark skin and black hair against the backdrop of the white bed linen you wont look at your fat wench back home anymore.
11. Last but not least. Go for P4P or serious dating and nothing in between otherwise you just end up hurting good people and screwing you own mind too if you have any moral fibre. If you can't pull someone decent at home then you can't pull someone decent in Bangkok.
I can see why you wanted to write this and publish it here because no-one back home would believe it unless they had spent a lot of time in Asia – and even then they may not have believed you.
While this lifestyle won't last forever, many would say you're living the dream!