Musing of My Gold Gold Thai Wife
Like many Stickman readers, I was initially apprehensive as to whether my marriage to a Thai lady would work out. The questions hung in my mind. What would my Thai wife bring to the marriage? Will she be a good housemaker or…homebreaker? Most of all, will she be there for me when I really need her such as in times of sickness and frailty or maybe failures in life either in business or social? No doubt these questions have crossed the minds of most Stickman readers who have a Thai wife with a wide age gap between them.
Happily, I can tell you my Gold, Gold Thai wife is not the perfect ideal wife to everyone but she is as good a good wife as she can be in my eyes. We are into our third year of happy marriage and fifth year of knowing each other. The end of the first year saw the birth of our son. He has many traits of his Thai mother. A bubbly, happy boy who just loves to laugh. Watching him grow is the greatest gift God has given us. He is the glue that bonds our marriage to weather all the ups and downs of our lives.
My initial doubts about my wife's ability to contribute to our family has alleviated as time goes by. I may add here that my meansto support my Thai wife and family has not diminished one bit but further reinforced from returns coming from astute investments but that aspect of my capability is always inconspicuous to her for the sake of prudency on my part. Yet, when the real needs arise, I am always there to support her and our children with whatever it takes financially.
As I settle into semi-retired mode, she has been actively pursuing a nursing career in her adopted country. Through her, I relive my youth and experience once morem, trials and tribulations of the corporate world that I not so long ago was inextricably connected to for my employment and livelihood. She provides a conduit for me to the outside world with networks of rich friendships that I no longer have since my last divorce. All my previous friends with equally old wives mostly consider persons like me who have a much younger wife to be more of a threat and bad model and a source of immerse jealousy, particularly from their wives. I bear them no resentment but one of acceptance as the fact of life.
Many complaints about the neediness of Thai wives financially on their farang husbands are commonly scribed here. Most are, I agree, especially for the below-average-education type whose past lives were spent mostly in the bars and clubs. This is by no mean condemnation of these ladies, here merely to show how hopeless for most of them their lives can descend into without opportunities to break out of the poverty trap they get themselves into by choice, or otherwise, in the first place. White Knight OR self re-education with dashes of determination may seem plausible options but latter a rarity.
Many remain needy and parasitic longer term due partly I think to their own false sense of the Farang husbands themselves. They conditioned them to stay complacent with their status quo, mistakenly or intentionally. Those ladies will be break you and take. Some of the most common mistakes of the Farangs are boosting about their wealth, over-promising to their ladyloves, flaunting and parading their fortunes to impress in the forms of gold jewellery and expensive watches, overlooking and accepting outrageous behaviour like laziness, greed, deceit, bad mannerisms and immorality of all kinds in the hope that these will all vanish and their new wives will be different from their old past once they married them. NO, they will not change! NOT AT ALL! YES, you have inadvertently planted a poisonous seed in them that will slowly germinate in them to a full blown parasite feeding on their Farang hosts, cocooning them in their inescapable web of their greed and immorality and fake love to ultimately leave them destitute and abandoned!
On the other hand, if boundaries were set of what behaviours are acceptable, important issues dealt with and roles allocated for each partner defined clearly prior to marriage, a lot of heartbreak and headaches can be avoided.
I was the lucky one. Like so many, I was a fisher casting a very wide net to trawl for the good ones. After my first failed romance with a Thai female, I wised up and went upstream instead of picking the easiest and lowest hanging fruit in Bangkok. I had never thought of the salacious sois of Nana due to my religious conviction. I have never been there. I admit being a number one green horn about P4P in Bangkok and elsewhere in Thailand. Fishes were aplenty upstream. I netted a fair few and let them go when their specifications did not meet with my predefined requirements as a wife. My earlier adventures are documented – link to my original "My Gold Gold Thai Wife".
When you have put your effort in and plan well, I can assure you the rewards of having a loving Thai wife are well worth it. I can only speak for myself and say it is amazingly good.
When you first found her, she is usually needy. I dare to guess probably 100% of Isaan ladies are in debt of one form or another. Stick may like to comment on this please. <Women from poor backgrounds in Thailand can be very bad with money and yes, some are in debt but as for a high percentage of young women being in debt, no, not at all. The problem often is not so much debt, but no concept of "earning" i.e. working hard for financial reward and no idea about managing money and looking to the future. Too many want to hit a home run and don't want to get there by going via 1st base, 2nd and 3rd – Stick> Thai people are renowned for spending beyond their means. The Thai mentality of 'spend now, think later' is prevalent across the whole social strata of the Thai society. <Wrong, from upper-middle class up and many social conservatives don't act like this – Stick> Like most, I found mine needy initially for car debts to be repaid to some "EASY CASH" finance company. At first, I was cautious where our romance would take us and how it would all end. I bailed her out with baht secured against her collection of gold. This is where the inspiration for the title to my original missive came from. The collateral of gold against my loan to her was valued by a goldsmith in town based on the published bullion price at the time and I held that in my custody until I was assured of our future. I was resolute and tough when I needed to be and she could sense that I was not a push over. I met palpable resistances from her for the way I helped her to eradicate debts but I stood firm all the way because it was my money. In the end she succumbed to my leadership and my courage to call a spade a spade and she gave me the respect in the way Thai husbands would expect from their wives.
This year will culminate as the pinnacle of her achievement in her nursing career. Her relentless pursuit to elevate her status in her field of medical nursing is remarkable. Efforts were mostly her own. I encouraged and assisted her in ways the husband should. By the end of December she will be a fully accredited Australian Registered Nurse following her completion of Accreditation by Australian Health and Regulatory Authority (AHPRA). This has been a long road spanning two long years working and studying and also with her husband and two boys to contend with. Mind you, her journey to this point was met with some obstacles. She attempted twice to pass the English test. Her assessment by AHPRA took a whopping nine months. First assessment was a rejection based on AHPRA dissatisfaction with the Thai institute she qualified from. In fact it was later found to be an associated college of highly acclaimed Mahidol University. But the assessor did not see that connection. Partly to blame was my wife herself for not including the degree that she was conferred by this well known Thai university in her application. At that point I donned my shiny armour and mounted a written case for her to tell AHPRA why the Medical Board had not been justified in their refusal of her application and jointed the dots for them of her qualification to Mahidol University. This university is one of a few Thai universities which are recognised by Australian Educational International with academic standards of equivalence to some local medical universities like Deakins University. After a further three months of waiting, victory and elation, she was at long last granted her permit to register as an Australian Registered Nurse (RN) pending completion of an approved bridging course. As I am writing this missive, she is due back from Melbourne for the final stage of her clinical placement and by this Christmas she will be all done. I want to tell this story to all Stickman readers that not all Thai ladies are suckers. They are also those who if given right encouragement and opportunities will excel. Be a good partner in marriage and good contributor to the family.
Will she be there for me when I am 64? Will she still need me and will she still love me when I am 64…just like the song lyrics by Paul McCartney? I know she will. This is because our love is built on a common love for our God, common goals set for our children and each other. Our love thrives upon the road map of life and love that our God has given us. I am assured of that. I guess this is a bold statement. I am sure it will be met with criticism and some scepticism, rightly so as the future is something beyond all of us to predict. How I come to make this conclusion is the faith we have built between us through our marriage life. The bedrock of our strong faith for each other is a solid foundation we lay down centred on a strong commitment to each other, strong moral principles of love in marriage, accepting our human imperfections and countering genuine mistakes with generous helping of forgiveness. Building a strong bond between us and our children by spending quality time together. At meal times we teach our children to say a prayer of thanks to appreciate what they have and be happy with what they are given in front of them and NOT be a whinger. Most of all we thank God each day for every little thing as we are so blessed yet so many of us take for granted like clean air, clean drinking water, food in abundance, and a safe environment to live.
I wish all Stickman readers a good fortune in their quest for their Thai ladyloves and having amazing love lives.
Well done on making it work! The recipe for success is different with every couple and it sounds like you have found the right formula for you and your wife. I think it really helps that she has studied hard to become qualified in an honourable profession and what is a very important job, something that will give her much pride in herself and respect from others.