Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 349

  • Written by Dana
  • October 13th, 2012
  • 6 min read


Dana Note;

"The context of acclaim is always of interest and importance in understanding mass acceptance of cultural iconolatry." — Sanford Sternlicht

Yeah, I guess; but just call me Dana.

and now:


Dana Quote Contest Number (no idea, it's hard to keep accurate records and listen to Fa):

"I was an adult about it. I didn't hustle her and I didn't try to charm her. I'd already tried that in the bar but the price was too high. Now it was early morning and everyone was tired and it was time for adults to go home. We ended up standing on the steps together outside the door opening our junk food. My instincts told me to keep my tourist mouth shut and not to look needy and not to push. We shared cashew nuts and yogurt. Then we went over to the Nana Hotel and banged like demented morons."


"Of the events of war, I have not ventured to speak from any chance information, nor according to any notion of my own; I have described nothing but what I saw myself, or learned from others of whom I made the most careful and particular inquiry. The task was a laborious one because eye witnesses of the same occurrence gave different accounts of them as they remembered, or were interested in the actions of one side or the other. And very likely the strictly historical character of my narrative may be disappointing to the ear. But if he who despises to have before his eyes a true picture of the events which have happened shall pronounce what I have written to be useful, then I shall be satisfied." — Thucydides, Peloponnesian War, Vol. 1, 400 B.C.

Substitute the word 'Pattaya' for the word 'war' in the first sentence and you have some of my work and my intentions. Thucydides and myself. Buddies. I used to call him Thuc but history does not care. God, the stories I could tell.

But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really
want to talk about today is:


I'm a Stickman writer,
And I want you to know:
This smile is from writing,
Not from blow.

But it's not just writin',
It's washing cars too.
Every Sunday at Stick's house:
Benz sedans, he's got two.

Stick is serious,
Ain't no fluff.
He and I are tight.
I know stuff.

Big changes are coming,
For Stick and Thailand.
Goodbye LOS:
Hello Stickland.

Change the maps.
Change the mind.
Can't find.

I've got the details.
I know the score.
For more information,
Meet me at the shore.

Big Stick changes are coming,
Not like before.
LOS to Stickland,
All that and s'more.

Bangkok will change,
Be known as Sticktown:
Siam will be turned,
Upside down.

Everything is changing,
And I want you to know:
I'm smiling at the future,
I'm ready to go.

Go to Stickland,
Sticktown too:
Just one thing . . .
I'll give you a clue.

I'm a Stick soldier.
I'll march tonight.
But even in the Stick future,
Some things aren't right.

Don't mess with Fa.
Know there's a line.
Don't mess with Fa.
She's mine.

and now that you have seen the future, consider:


What is a light-year as a unit of measurement? A light-year is actually a unit of distance. It is the distance light would travel at 186,282 miles per second in a year. Boy that is a long way. So how many seconds are there in a year? Times 186,282? It's a long way brother: too hard to say, too hard to think about, too difficult to write. So we refer to light years of distance when talking about cosmic distances. For example: galaxies 13.3 billion light years away are (13.3) x (1,000,000,000) x (60x60x24x365) x (186,282) miles away. If someone tells you they can intellectually understand this they are lying. We can calculate it, but we can not understand it. The mind does not have infinite potential. There are limits. Is the universe ultimately knowable? Not by humans. But I almost digress.

Anyway, is there anything on Earth we can compare this to get a feeling for this distance? Yes, there is. Perform this experiment. The next time your Thai girlfriend asks for money tell her you are not going to give her any money. Now and forever. Suddenly you will instinctively feel an almost impossible to calculate distance between two objects: you and her. You are now learning about cosmic distances between humans. And you will learn about cosmological inflation also. To wit: she is speeding away from you at an ever increasing rate. So, you see; you do not have to have more degrees than a thermometer factory to understand astronomical measures of the universe. Just tell your Isaan minx she is not getting any money. Fa has twice hit me up for rent money. Twice she has been told No. Getting that money back from Fa would be like trying to get semen back once you have blown a load. It only leaves, it doesn't come back. She still takes my money for 'short times' but she is now far far away from where she used to be.

How do you avoid this Earthly knowledge of cosmological light-year measurements? Just keep shelling out the money. A little knowledge can be a terrible thing. Astronomers and cosmologists do not have to keep shelling out the money to interact with the universe but you do. If the Pattaya boardwalk is your universe, just keep handing out the money.

DENOUEMENT (or something)

Well, that's it for this week kats and kittens: a quote, an Introduction, a poem, and an essay. And to think I once thought Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 77 was my retirement piece. Clearly I have no idea what I am doing. However, I am currently registering for a ten step program to kick this habit and as as we all know the first step is to recognize the problem. I have just had a tattoo put on my chest that says Denial Is Not Just A River In Egypt. I know what I am doing. Actually it is a two line tattoo because I have a kind of small chest but that is not really the point. Anyway, I can hear the retirement train coming and I have instructed Stick to stock up on cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes for my retirement party and awards dinner to be held at his house. I will bring Fa and Caveman will probably bring something that grows in dirt and gets pissed on by dogs. Will there be a record of this retirement party written by me on No there will not. It is a retirement party nimrod. Try and pay attention.