My Thai Wife and Her Platonic Friend
I met a lovely Thai college student in 2006. It didn't take long for us to move in together. I was in my early 40's and she in her early 20's. Coming off a recent divorce I had no plans of marriage. This girl was in fact my "first" real live-in girlfriend upon relocating to Thailand. Although I intended on playing the field, she was just a really nice woman, pretty, intelligent and we got along great.
We stayed in this arrangement until late 2009, decided to get married at the amphur and have the real wedding at a later date. We traveled a lot and it was much easier to get her into different countries with me if we were married. I intended to marry her eventually and we merely sped the process up a bit to ease our travel restrictions. <BAD reason to get married! – Stick>
I can honestly say in this 3-year period we had no more than 2 arguments. We had much in common and we spent all our time together. I left Thailand now and then for work but spent at least 6 or more months per year with her. I also took her to Farangland several times for vacations and business trips. Throughout 90% of our relationship she did not work, but kept busy with yoga classes, bartending schools and a hairdressing course, although she held a BA degree. This was OK with me as when I was in Thailand we enjoyed our time together and I didn't want her to work when I was there. I supported her with a condo and a decent monthly allowance.
Early in 2011 we finally officially tied the knot. I went off on a business trip most of that year and returned in the fall of 2011. I took about 6 months off and we enjoyed ourselves as usual even though we now had been together for nearly 5 years.
In mid 2012 I went off for another business trip. During this trip I discovered upon my return, my wife had befriended a young mid 20's farang man. I managed to find this out through small clues and other means that are insignificant to my main point.
I discovered she was not 100% truthful on how they met, when they met and what they did on their subsequent meetings. Even after the initial discovery of the relationship, I asked her if there was any other details she had left out. The answer was "No". Later on she came clean with a few more details such as a lunch or 2 they shared out in the city during the day and most importantly, a visit from him to OUR home.
She claims the relationship was purely platonic. I actually met the guy and he never told me about some of the meetings he had with my wife although I had showed him photos of my home and motorbikes. He had been to my home with her and seen all of this but made no mention of it when I showed him the photos at the bar when we met him. He acted as if he never saw them.
Some key points that concern me:
Was there a romantic or sexual attraction?
Was there a conspiracy between them to keep the or / a (sexual) relationship secret?
Why would my wife need a male friend who was clearly (IMO) very good looking, well off, and was attracted to her (he told me this)?
If I had never discovered the depth of the relationship, would she had even told me?
To say the least, this caused some serious issues with me and the wife. I was considering divorce. All the while the "platonic" friend knew of the trouble it caused. He did not try to contact me to defend the relationship. Eventually he did call me and only did so because I brought this point up to the wife.
There are many possible conclusions to this story, but only they know the real story.
Since this has happened I have somewhat distanced myself from my wife, although I see her when I return from my new business trip schedule every 6 weeks.
I still support my wife in a good lifestyle with 90,000 baht per month minus condo rent, car payment, utilities etc. I demanded she get a job to fill her time and lessen her need for a "platonic' male friend as well as relocating her back to Bangkok from our "vacation" home in a famous Northern Thailand city where the "platonic" friend lives.
I really don't have a conclusion or message to this story except always keep your girl on a short leash. No matter how perfect you may think she is, think twice.
Who knows whether it was platonic or not, but it sure sounds suspicious. I can see how this could very much change the way you feel about your marriage.
For sure, your wife was in the wrong by secretly meeting this man behind your back. However, I do think it's obvious that she gets lonely while you're away and you'd be wise to sit down with her and have an open and honest discussion about that. The 90,000 baht you provide her a month exceeds what I spend per month, in fact it exceeds my average monthly spend for the year (when you factor in travel, computer and camera gear etc) so she is doing rather well! However, be aware with women that showering them with money or material items is often not enough. Some "need" your time and irrespective of how well you look after them, time alone is very tough on a Thai woman and can cause her to be led into temptation…