Why I Married a Thai Woman
The single largest reason I made a decision to avoid a relationship with an American woman is directly related to my country's movement to political correctness. I don't think I need to define that term as I am reasonably sure that you understand. Over about the last 4 decades we have been moving in a direction that has embraced feminism and PC attitudes. The Western world is a much different place than it was 40 years ago.
It began with brazen, vocal feminists, and their supporters and slowly but surely moved into our laws, workplaces, and homes. Some of what this movement has done really improved our lives. Women have made huge gains in the workplace, as well as minorities and this is good. I am unequivocally opposed to racism and gender bias. The best jobs really should be available to those most qualified to do them.
The problem with our PC society is that much of it has been elevated to a point of being ridiculous, and some of this exaggerated thought has become the new standard for nearly every part of our lives. It is a huge part of our workplaces and has warped our laws to a very serious level. If you have had a typical Western divorce you totally understand how our laws favor females over men. This PC bias has impacted our lives in nearly every situation and can be found in abundance in our workplaces.
In a business presentation I was hosting I mistakenly introduced the next speaker as spokesman. Of course “she” was a female. This minor mistake had no effect whatsoever on this excellent woman, nor did she say anything to me about it. It didn't bother her at all, but my female peers went absolutely ballistic about my “sexist” misstep. It began to get quite hateful and just seemed to go on and on. I have to say it really began to get to me.
Finally, my bosses, boss put a stop to it. She (yes, a woman) called them into her office, closed the door, and gave them a real ass chewing for what they were doing. The guy at the desk close to her door filled me in. After they had their heads pulled out of their ass they apologized to me as they were told to do. I would have been happy to call this speaker a spokeswoman, I don't have a problem with that at all. It was just a mistake but I was put through a week of hell for a mistake that really didn't cause any damage to anyone.
I worked in the IT department of a large hospital. There were many female managers, most former practicing nurses. I have a lot of respect for the abilities of most of them. From time to time they they would tell me raunchy jokes that were sometimes very funny. I laughed at them but never offered one of my own. This was a trap just waiting to spring as I later discovered.
A male co-worker shared a printout of a slightly off color joke with a female director (middle management). She stomped into Human Resources with righteous indignation and vilified this guy with a vengeance. He was summarily dismissed despite his 11 years of service, his value to our work, and my bosses unqualified support.
I had liked this director and on occasion engaged her in brief small talk as is common in a workplace. Just a few days before this incident she had told me quite a nasty off color joke. I produced my obligatory chuckle but as usual didn't offer a joke of my own. After I discovered this guy was fired I told my boss about this apparent discrepancy. His comments to me were “just forget it”, and “don't go there”. He is absolutely one of the finest people I have ever known and could be trusted to discuss anything with.
According to him she just didn't like this guy and used this to nail him. This guy had been vilified and marked as an unsavory, perverted man. He was labeled offensive, and worse yet politically incorrect. Any attempt for me to try to redeem him would have cast the same shadow on me. My personal off color joke policy took on a new importance to me after this incident.
I think that the most remarkable change in the feminist degradation towards men is in the legal system due to the profound and forceful influence they have had on legislators throughout the US. Slowly over the years laws have been passed that do more than provide gender equality, but actually put men at a distinct disadvantage in divorce and child support.
The judges that make these life altering decisions are far more likely to have a feminine bias and use the little discretion they have to create denigrating results for the men in their courtrooms. After all they would be loath to be called politically incorrect. This seems to apply equally whether the judge is male or female. The child support laws are quite bias in favor of the female gender. When it comes to the question of who gets custody it is almost always the mother. This link has an article that addresses this issue quite well although I don't personally agree with everything the author writes. http://www.intellectualconservative.com/child-custody-where-men-hit-a-glass-ceiling/
The child support system we have in effect today is a well oiled machine of capriciousness. It is absolutely relentless in a pursuit of every singe child support dollar. They can make mistakes that cause horrible circumstances that can only be rectified by considerable effort, and they are never held accountable by anyone. If you are as little as $100 behind in support payments your drivers license can be suspended.
When I asked a worker from the Department of Health and Human Services how will this will help the man that has lost his job and looking for work? It seems counter productive to their efforts. The response I got was a huffy, well $100 is allot of money. (really????)
Before the DHHS ripped away this responsibility from local control you could talk to the County Attorney and work out reasonable arrangements if an issue arose. One of the most frightening things about these changes is the Directory of New Hires. This is a federal law that requires all employers to file with them the name, address, SSN, birth date, and wages of every new employee. So if you work you pay, period. This may not seem evil on the surface but think for a minute, the DHHS has this enormous database with information about all of us. What is there to stop another government agency from using this information for another purpose? George Orwells book 1984 was right “Big Brother IS watching you!”
In my own case I had retired and, although I never missed a child support payment, but rather, begin paying with a different method due to the constraints of my pension. Although I was 100% current, they were about to take 75% of my Social Security check. To get the system to understand my ex wife had received every dollar without lapse has been quite a chore.
My attorney managed to stop that however, I just received a letter in the mail that they were not going to revoke my drivers license for non payment of child support. I never knew they were pondering this action. I incurred $4000 in legal fees, and I just now found that my income tax refund has been snagged for past due child support. I hope I was able to resolve this after about 2 hours on the phone. I have a judges signed order that is supposed to stop all this aggressive action.
I am aware of a California child support case that baffles the imagination of even the most outrageously PC liberals. A woman became pregnant, by God knows who, and named a "father" that had
worked in her office and, had very recently been transferred to another location. They did actually know each other from work but that was it. He was a capable guy with a good position and good earnings, but by no means wealthy. In the meantime she went on welfare and enjoyed California's copious entitlement programs. Fast forward 3 or 4 years and California's Child Support Enforcement caught up with this guy.
He was presented with an $90,000 past due support bill and a full 90% of his wages garnished. No problem you say, DNA testing will prove he is not the father and while inconvenienced he will be fine. Not so fast. In California, the law provides that paternity can be established by a court simply by notifying the “father” of a hearing date by mail at his last known address. A court will decide paternity on that date.
Of course this man had been transferred and living at a different address never received the notification letter from the court. On the hearing date that the court rules on paternity the man will have 2 years to appeal the findings. The fact that this man only had a passing acquaintance with the woman, and only discovered her claim after the statute of limitations in the case passed, did not help him.
This and other cases made their way to the California legislature where they passed a bill to allow the man named in a paternity case to appeal the findings for up to 2 years after he first had knowledge of the claim. However, then California Governor Grey Davis vetoed the bill with the remark the state couldn't afford it. (He was later recalled by election before his term ended for many reasons).
The recipient of child support also has no accountability about how the money you paid is spent on your children. She is free to use it as she pleases and the only option you have is to contact a child protection agency with a complaint of some sort of allegation. If I simply want to know how the hard earned, after tax dollars I send to support my children is used I have no option. I think I should get a reasonable accounting about how my children are being cared for.
There are some men that are simply mean spirited about child support and I object to some of the truly awful stuff they pull. As in this excerpt from the internet I discovered when doing online research.
Here is a success story:
In response to our efforts in collecting thousands of dollars in child support from one of our "problem parents," an over-the-road driver, he posted the following note recently on his Facebook page:
"the chase is on. good luck sarpy"
On March 23rd our deputies arrested him on a court warrant.
We expect to receive up to $6,000 from the man by the end of business today.
This is clearly not an acceptable way for a man to deal with child support issues. They are what they are and one has no reasonable choice but to deal with it. What I object to is the propensity to paint us all with the same brush. After all, we are men and not to be trusted is the shrill voice of the Femi-Nazi.
In doing some on line research on dead beat dads I came across this listing of a man that owed a large sum of past due support. This is open, public information available to anyone. My take on this post is that this is not a man with a large income potential,
his listed occupation is construction and his appearance is not what I would call professional. Yet look at the amount he owes! If you have the time and inclination browse through some of these dead beat dads lists and you will find most likely
they are men of little means and ability. Which leads me to the question of just how can they be expected to pay so much?
Most Wanted Gabriel Solorzano: $106,836
DOB: Feb 13, 1956
DESCRIPTION: Brown Hair, Brown Eyes, 5'6", 180 LBS
CHILD: Age 14
LAST SEEN: Yorba Linda, California
Do you see what I mean? Further on line research produced these “attitude” type posts. If there is any question that the radical feminists have pushed our country into an Orwellian age of politically correct thought and laws look at these images copied from the internet child support sites. <Sorry, copyright images removed – Stick>
Another abuse of men is the propensity of Restraining Orders asked for and issued against men involved in a divorce. This almost as easy to do as making a phone call. The County Prosecutor and the Judge are quick to create these orders as there is no reason not to. If the soon to be ex husband actually does something to harm their wife and they neglect to issue such an order they will pay dearly with bad press and the dreaded politically incorrect label.
I was arrested twice for violating the restraining order my ex wife had secured. The first time I was accused of repeatedly driving past my estranged wife’s home. This was certainly not true as I was trying to get away from her, the last thing on my mind was to seek her out. At the first trial a young man testified that he saw me in the neighborhood, which was true.
I saw a teenager at the grocery store I knew that had lived about 2 blocks from what was now my wife's home. He was preparing to walk home with 2 bags of groceries so I offered him a ride. If I remember correctly the order was something like 100 yards, so I wasn't even in the “danger” zone, my attorney quickly proved that this witness had not seen me in the “danger” zone.
The real deal came when my attorney asked my wife a biting question that he knew she wouldn't be required to answer. He later told me this was to throw her off her game. The next question was something like how do you know he was driving by your house? Her answer was a priceless moment when she said “I felt his presence” with an acid tone to her voice. When I saw the Judge roll his eyes at this remark I knew I had nothing to be concerned about.
The County Prosecutor plead my wife’s case free and I paid about $800 to defend myself. I understand why the prosecutor filed the case, because if he didn't and “something” happened he would be vilified by the PC press and public. He has nothing to lose by prosecuting me. My wife openly lied to him to cause him to file. Was she held accountable? No way!
The next time was just frankly bizarre. I was trying to call my son regarding our plans for a holiday. When I called my soon to be ex, grabbed the phone from him and hung it up. I tried about five times until I was “allowed” to speak with him.
Later that same day I got a call from the police. They wanted me to come to the station to talk to them. I immediately asked them if my children were OK. They replied it was about my ex and phone calls. It seems she had showed the police her caller ID history and outright lied to them about the circumstances.
Later, my son told me he went ballistic with her, and her lies, in the presence of the police, as he was aware of the real circumstances. I told the cop that called me I would be happy to talk to him if he wanted to come to my home. He declined stating that we are too busy. I told him I understood that as I am busy too.
About a month or so later I got a letter from the County Prosecutor that there would be a hearing on this matter. Shortly into this trial the Judge had heard enough and he actually stood up from behind his bench and sternly said I don't know why you brought this into my courtroom to the County Prosecutor, and turned to my ex and said the way I see it you were interfering with this mans right to speak with his son. If this were a contempt hearing you would go to jail! So what happened to my ex for this abuse of the court system for the second time? Absolutely nothing!
In a final note on our PC society Bill O'Reilly of Fox News, The O'Reilly Factor, appeared as a guest of a woman’s talk show named The View. I didn't see the show but a portion of the show was later re broadcast on the Factor. O'Reilly had made the statement that “it was Muslims that destroyed the World Trade Center”.
After this comment Whoopie Goldberg Stood in a huff and walked off the set. O'Reilly was quite confused at this reaction as what he said, was as we all know true. It seems he “should” have said “terrorist Muslims” as this comment was perceived as a slight to all Muslims.
O'Reilly is a conservative but does make an attempt at allowing liberal guests and comments on his show. To add credibility to his fairness he was granted an interview with President Obama, twice I believe, whilst our president has turned away from other Fox News shows and elected not to appear. O'Reilly has many years of broadcasting experience but has never said anything about Muslims as a group in any derogatory fashion. This is how our political correctness has played out by merely assuming words not spoken.
Perhaps you noticed I never used the stereotypical words like “fat” and “bitchy” although at times there would be some truth wrapped around using these words. Most of what you read are facts that are proven and interspersed with some opinions about some things that I feel are unfair. I won't vilify American women, as there are some that I quite like and respect. They are not the radical feminist types that are so destructive. That said, due to the insane political correctness, and the way America has set a new standard for what is acceptable, an American woman will always have me at their mercy if they so choose. That is why I have a Thai wife.
Any comments wanted and welcome.
If America is as bad as you say, why bring your Thai wife to America? Why not marry her and stay with her in Thailand? I am not American and haven't stepped foot in your country for 20 years and as such cannot comment on what you say about your country, but if it is as bad as you say, why continue to live there?
Much of what you say is a society issue and people who move from one country to another do change, and over time they start to adopt some of the local "customs". Hopefully it will never happen, but what is there to stop a Thai woman, in this case your wife, using the laws you decry against you. As a few stories over the years have shown, there are a few shrewd women from Thailand and other countries who have moved to the USA and done just that!