Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 259

  • Written by Dana
  • October 9th, 2010
  • 5 min read



WHY DO I WANT TO MOVE TO THAILAND?

Recently, while stumbling around in Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary I turned a page and ran headlong into: Tay-lor's series. Or for the more pedestrian non-dictionary readers amongst us–Taylor's series. Oh brother, what a dictionary entry this is.

It's a noun that describes a mathematical power series (?) developed by Brook Taylor (in 1731?). Here is part of the definition:

"a power series that gives the expansion of a function f (x) in the neighborhood of a point 'a' provided all derivatives exist and the series converges and that has the form: { long incomprehensible equation that takes up the entire width of the text column} where f {n} (a) is the derivative of nth order of f (x) evaluated at 'a' — called also Taylor series."

Called also? How about called ridiculous? Or called incomprehensible?

Anyway, this is one of the reasons I would like to move to Thailand. This math kat Brook Taylor was living three hundred years ago and was so much smarter than I am smart that it is depressing. Really depressing. Discouraging. Humiliating. I wouldn't be qualified to deliver a pail of milk to his front steps every morning. I'm like a bug compared to this guy. I just have no idea what this mathematical formula means and am suspicious of my ability to even be taught it's meaning. Result? I'm not as smart as people who lived three hundred years ago. I am just so depressed by that dictionary definition sentence. I am not as smart as people who lived three hundred years ago and for sure did not even have toilet paper.

This is where Thailand comes in. In Thailand, I can't speak Thai; and most Thais can not speak English. Mutual language comprehension impasse. Nobody can understand me. Result? The Thais will never really know how dumb I am. I can continue the bluff and bluster of my sordidly common life and mostly get away with it. Ego nirvana for the intellectually limited. Goodbye America and the Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary and Brook (smarty pants) Taylor — hello Thailand.

Don't you just love it when a plan comes together?

But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I want to talk about today is:

UNBRIDLED JOY

Ever heard a barnfull of English meadowlarks in the Spring? Trilling and singing? They have made it through the winter, insects and worms and grubs are everywhere, and the female meadowlarks are reaching behind with their wings and pulling up their tail feathers. Sweet Jesus on a meadow; unlimited food and unlimited bird pussy. So when you hear a barnfull of English meadowlarks in the Spring, do you know what you hear? Unbridled joy.

That's right human monger meadowlarks: unbridled joy–and in keeping with this theme my newest enterprise is called Dana's Unbridled Joy Sex Tours (DUJST). That's right, you've dreamed it and now you've read it. Oh happy day. And hey, you don't have to eat any grubs or worms or insects. Anyway, I am going to be leading sex tours in Thailand. I'll take you where I go, and I'll teach you what I know. Newbies only, no weaklings; and no you won't be able to meet Fa. FIM (Fa is mine).

In keeping with this up-and-coming new chapter in your life I encourage you to read the following Shakespearian quote and paraquote.

King Henry speaking to the troops before battle:

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now abed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

William Shakespeare, Henry V, Act IV, iii

Dana speaking to the mongers before Walking Street day:

"We few, we happy few, we band of mongers;
For he to-day that sheds his semen with me
Shall be my brother; no matter elsewhere reviled,
This day shall reveal to him Danaism;
And mongers worldwide now abed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap while any tell stories
That mongered with us upon Walking Street." (Dana)

Details? Yes, prawn baskets full of them. Not now, but in a follow-up notice on this website there will be everything you need to know about rules, regulations, policies, procedures, paperwork, documents, travel and transportation and housing arrangements, currency exchange banking and ATM usage issues, etc.

What won't you receive in the follow-up Dana's Unbridled Joy Sex Tours fact and factoid submission? Information on condoms and STDs. Remember, no weaklings. If the ladies at the Windmill Bar have been replaced with drugged German Shepherd dogs I expect you to be on stage drillin' like a Texas wildcatter on speed.

Pictures? Yes, pictures will be taken of you and those disgusting life affirming wonderful pictures will be sent to your family, and sent to your employer, and sent to your friends. Fxxx your friends and fxxx your employer and fxxx your family. Remember, no weaklings. This is Dana's Unbridled Joy Sex Tour. Men only. Do you think the meadowlarks in the English barns care if anyone sees them cornponing Miss Meadowlark?

So stay tuned to this website for details and start shaving your crotch.

Sincerely yours,
Dana
CEO Dana Enterprises
Director Dana's Unbridled Joy Sex Tours (DUJST)

P.S. — And yes, we will be touring some Boyztown places in Pattaya. Some of my happiest times have been spent in gay bars in Pattaya. A room full of liquored up homos far from home is a guaranteed good time. Great sound systems, great music, great sex shows, everyone's waving their wing wangs, and so many hands in your pants it looks like you are smuggling a sack full of cats. Note: I usually wear drawstring big waist beach pants, suspenders, and no underwear on these nights. You can't buy suspenders in the Kingdom so I will provide them.

Worried about things moving too fast? Don't worry. On Dana's Unbridled Joy Sex Tours we don't push. Just because fellow tour mates from Perth and Paris and Phoenix and Poland and the Philippines are takin' it up the poopchute doesn't mean you have to. We'll just give you a tub of lube and make you the greaser at the head of the conga line. My name is Dana. I don't push. Unless you want me to . . .

Stickman's thoughts:

There is nothing I can possibly say.