Readers' Submissions

Are Chula Professors Hot?

  • Written by Anonymous
  • October 11th, 2010
  • 7 min read



What gives with the Thai obsession with Ph.Ds? No, I'm not saying that many Thais have advanced degrees, but they seem to have an inordinate respect for those who do. When square-face was Prime Minister, the Thai media regularly referred to him as Dr. Thaksin. Khun Thaksin got his Ph.D. in Criminal Justice from Sam Houston State University. On the other hand, Aphisit went to Eton and has a degree in Economics from Oxford. For those of you who don't know, Oxford is a much better school than is Sam Houston State, and economics is a more difficult subject than is Criminal Justice. This attitude seems to have spilled over onto this site, as the Professor never tires of telling us that he as a Ph.D. which he says is in in the field of Anthropology. Yes, the Professor has a Ph.D, but it's not in Anthropology, and he's not a real professor. Furthermore, he received his degree from the <name editedStick>, which isn't a very good school.

My name is Dr. Harry Soidog, and I have a Ph.D. in a hard science from a top-ten school in my field in America, where I still live most of the time. When I say hard science, I mean hard as opposed to soft. An example of a hard science would be Physics, and an example of a soft science would be Geography. I don't care much for the soft sciences, because they are full of pseudo-intellectuals who use big words and quote famous philosophers in order to convince gullible people that they are smarter than they really are. On the other hand, nobody in America seems to care about my degree, and with good justification. Nobody calls me Dr. Soidog— at best I'm Mr. Soidog, but usually I'm just Harry. I got a Ph.D. because when I finished college, I didn't want to get a real job. At that age, I wasn't very ambitious, and would rather go to parties and smoke pot than to work. Yes, I studied, but just enough to finish my degree.

Fast forward almost 30 years, and I now work for a PC corporation in America where I need to be very careful what I say because Farang heifers patrol past my office, and if hear me talk, they might complain. I call the heifers buffalo as they walk by, and I do so with impunity, because I say it in Thai. The heifers don't know what I'm saying, and probably don't even know what language I'm speaking. Nobody can complain about my speaking a foreign language because that would be racially insensitive, and my employer emphasizes diversity, which is a code name for affirmative action, i.e. racial and gender preferences in hiring, pay and promotion. Furthermore, it would be illegal for anyone to record my conversations without my consent. The only people who understand me are Thai work friends, and from my experience, PC types never speak Thai. I can insult whoever I want to their face, provided I say it in a language that they don't understand.

The Thai language is my saving grace, because my girlfriend doesn't speak English. If I didn't speak Thai, I probably wouldn't even have a regular girlfriend. I'd be stuck with prostitutes, as is the Professor. My girlfriend is a good girl in the traditional Thai sense, and I have enough sense not to bring her to America.

BKKSW has another solution. He says we should wander around Chulalongkorn University and look lost so that we can be picked up by female professors. He writes about the professor he's dating. Maybe he's onto something. After all, Chula professors presumably all speak English and they aren't prostitutes. Not many other Thai girls can claim those two traits.

Unfortunately, BKKSW's solution wouldn't work for me, because I don't find female academics very appealing, although I must admit I never met a Chula professor. I know this because I grew up around academics, and my dad was a professor, as were the fathers of almost everyone else with whom I went to school as a child. I learned at a young age that the hottest chicks attend community college. There are plenty of hot undergraduates, but by the time you get to graduate school, the pickings get pretty slim, and you turn to younger women.

I have a thing for good girls, but where should one go to find a nice Thai girl? From my experience, the best place is Laos. That country is full of good girls, because not being good in Laos is a prosecutable criminal offense. The primary difference between Thai and Lao girls is that Lao girls are more sincere. Lao girls speak Thai but not English. They don't speak Thai very well, but hell, neither do I. They learned it the same way I did—by watching TV.

I'm a pretty homely guy, but when I'm in Thailand/Laos it doesn't matter, because have three things going for me:
1) I have pale skin
2) I have a long nose
3) I speak Thai

That last point would automatically rule out both the Professor and BKSSW both of whom I am certain are more handsome than I. Good girls almost never speak English, and it's clear from what the Professor and BKKSW write in their submissions, that they don't understand Thai. The girls might like your pale skin and long nose, but that doesn't help you if they can't talk to you. I'll elaborate on that point shortly.

I like Lao girls because:
1) I like dark skin
2) I don't care about class or social status, and I don't like girls who do
3) I don't need to find a girl intellectually stimulating

May farangs would take issue with my third point, and complain that Thai/Lao girls are uneducated. If you are looking for intellectual stimulation, then why don't you just date men? I say that without the slightest bit of sarcasm, because I have nothing against gay people. As for me, I like girls and I was born with a penis that is still attached my body. This drives my judgement.

Let me close with an explanation of why it is sometimes obvious to me, from the content of a submission whether the writer knows any Thai. The crux of the matter is demographics, not language proficiency, per se. In Thailand and Laos those who speak English differ substantially from those who don't. Most Thai girls aren't prostitutes, but among those who are, most don't speak English. They are in a sense nicer than those who do, because their Thai customers are more difficult to manipulate than are farangs, and hence they haven't learned to scam. The Professor knows only Thai prostitutes who speak English, which constitute a small subculture within a small subculture. It's a mistake for him to extrapolate his personal observations of the tiny sub-subculture with which he is familiar, to the rest of the Thai population.

BKKSW made the same sort of mistake a few years ago when he pontificated against prostitution and advised us to seek good girls. He made some pretty preposterous claims, and clearly didn't understand what makes a girl good in the traditional Thai sense. I believe that he's never spoken to a good girl as they generally don't speak English. If he were able to talk to her, he wouldn't be able to talk for very long without first getting her parent's permission. He would need to talk to both her and her parents for a long time before he could get chaperoned date, which would also require her parent's permission. If a she doesn't still live with her parents until she marries, she's probably not a good girl, regardless of her age. In order to have sex with a good girl, you must first pay an exorbitant barfine to her parents and participate in a quaint Buddhist ceremony. This doesn't necessarily require marriage in the legal sense, but it does entail a lifelong commitment.

Chula professors aren't for me, but neither are prostitutes. I like good girls the best, but I'm not sanctimonious about it. I view this as a matter of personal preference, not a moral issue.

Stickman's thoughts:

Whatever works for you.