Readers' Submissions

What’s Normal, Thais, Bangkok Decadence

  • Written by Anonymous
  • July 26th, 2010
  • 6 min read



Well audience, I am not normal and proud of it. I make over six figures, work six months out of the year, not married, and I’m abnormally good looking. That puts me way out of the ‘normal’ range. Normal to me is a person doing 9 – 5, mid 40 – 50 grand a year, weekend BBQs with friends that don’t necessarily like each other, and ‘providing’ for the family. Sounds to me like a castrated and declawed wild cat. I don’t want to be normal.

Now what’s a normal girl? A girl that listens to mom and dad. Does ok in school, behaves, and doesn’t create too many waves. She has about 3 – 8 partners before marrying the best one who will be attractive enough, and able to provide a house and the necessary expenses. A life of bare existence, or more like vegetation. I don’t want a normal girl.

Normal to me is of average quality, fairly cheap, common, uninspiring, plain, boring. When I buy things (women included), I look for something interesting that stands out, being a story involved, a high quality polish or other attention to detail. I want high quality and not a normal average finish. And of course, things of quality are harder to get and are more expensive.

I would rather spend time with a PhD student, entrepreneur, dolphin trainer, hooker, tarot card reader, and other abnormal people. Normal people are not outstanding and therefore cannot be leaders or trend setters. Only a small percentage can lead, the average normal masses just follow. Abnormal people are successful, creative, smart, and set trends (not follow). They say no to mom, they do very well or very poorly at school, make shit loads of money or none at all, are socialites, or hermetic researchers. In their free time, abnormal people abolish communism and other social ideas created for the average.

Being abnormal, I always enjoy the shock, awe, and other reactions ‘normals’ make when I feel compelled to stir the pot.

For example, one of my abnormal pleasures is taking a short, dark, tattooed, and flat-nosed Patpong hooker around Siam. I, dressed in Canali summer trousers, Brioni shirt, Bruno Magli driving loafers, Jaeger LeCoultre Master Compressor Geographic timepiece, ultra light polarized Maui Jims entangled in my blond and slightly curly hair when in shade, or used to protect my green / blue eyes while out. I don’t particularly care what the Thais think, as I find most of them, including hi-sos, to be empty of progressive thought. Many people think Thais smile to save face or that they’re happy. My view on it is that Thais poses a rare quality of laughing at themselves. I mean their politics are a total joke, they can’t make anything right the first time, they don’t contribute anything to human progress (philosophy, engineering, medicine, sciences). If I was a Thai, I would be like Joker from Batman with a fixed smile. What I enjoy is the look of pure shock and sheer jealousy of attractive but oh so average white females with their dominated husbands and boyfriends.

White women from Northern Italy, Denmark, Holland, Scandinavia and Eastern Europe are much prettier on average than Asians. And some Asians are prettier than other Asians. I must agree with some readers that Thai ladies are fairly unattractive compared to other Asian ladies. Sure, you can see a lot of cuties in rush hour on the BTS, but take a look at downtown Seoul, Shanghai, Tokyo, or Taipei and there is just no competition. Thais are completely outclassed in the looks and moral department.

I always have a chuckle reading Thai martyrs claiming moral virtuousness and conservativeness of Thai women and their unavailability to farangs. It’s like listening to Islam preachers on their peace loving and non-violent conduct. I find Thai females to be the easiest in Asia, yes, away from Sukhumvit village.

Here is a snapshot of my typical day while in Bangkok.

I had a leisurely stroll towards the Grand Palace one day, contemplating the superiority of Anglo-Saxon culture and its intellectual dominance. While in deep thought, I was surrounded by a bunch of pseudo-university students demanding my attention. I was invited to a little outdoor restaurant close to a pier and interrogated about all kinds of personal data. I asked each of them if they like reading books, and to my utter surprise most said yes. Being a huge book buff, I asked them what kind of books they enjoy. Six of them said comic books, two said health and other magazines, and 1 said she doesn’t like reading books but she can if she wants to. I had to use all my willpower not to crack in full out laughter. And they all attend University. Due to lack of mental stimulation, I asked and was promptly given their numbers for an evening of other stimulation. On the way back I decided to stop at Starbucks for a Caramel Macchiato with a sprinkle of cinnamon. With the cup in hand I grabbed a table and couldn’t help but notice a very attractive Thai female sitting with a preppy Thai boy toy with a Korean bubble gum pop look. I was blatantly analyzing her persona for any interesting features that might give her an edge to her attractive appearance. She was either puzzled by my confident and un-Thai like behavior, or by my Roman Nobilitia nose, chiseled features of a Greek God, and the intensity of my blue / green eyes of a renaissance artist, most likely all, and for a moment completely ignored her preppy partner. Since I didn’t find any clues to indicate above average (abnormal) character, I ignored her and concentrated on the Daily Mail equivalent, the Bangkok Post. While reading an Apple IPhone 4 review, the lady came over to my table, trembling a little, put a napkin with a phone number on it, and said to call her anytime I like as she would really like to know me. I gave her a point for confidence as it is not easy for a ‘normal’ Thai girl to be this straight forward in public surrounded by intellectually clueless and judgmental Thais. I shook my head without saying a word, while ignoring the Korean pop star lookalike coming out of the toilet, and other peasants watching our every move. After sliding the napkin in the paper and leaving it on the table, I left the place with enlightened Thai peasantry in awe like state, for my daily afternoon massage at Conrad.

After a shot of Absinthe to dull my over analysis of Thai’s moral ambiguity, I left for RCA to meet my ‘normal’ Thai entourage with my previous night’s conquest in her husband’s BMW. The comic book reading girls were already in full swing, drinking and chasing away bespectacled, fair skinned, pomade engulfed, male representation of Thai high society. Gracing them with my royal like presence, the usual subservient nature of Thais followed with deep wais and non-confrontational look towards the floor. The BMW girl brought us Black Label and we proceeded to drink the night away in decadence only Bangkok can offer.

Waking up to four twenty year olds with cream smooth skin sharing majority of my baldachin bed, annoyed me to no end. They made four explanation calls to their parents, and were shown the door while I got ready for my morning exercise routine, and an ice cold shower as it makes my blond hair shinier and it doesn’t over dry my pore-less skin…

Stickman's thoughts:

Totally tongue in cheek, right?

* It should also be noted that while I am loathe to edit submissions, apart from tidying up obvious grammatical or spelling errors, I did remove a phrase from this submission that 99.9% of Thais would find highly offensive.