Boredom and Opportunity Cost
I am going to make several generalisations here that will certainly annoy some of the most conspicuous of the oft published writers' group. However life is based in large part on generalisations, e.g. on who we elect (or don't actually, in the case of the USA), what we can find in the supermarket (marketing 80 / 20 rule), how we are treated by our country and peers (called values), what we are allowed to say publicly (much reduced by current legislation and so called values – witness the veteran reporter fired on the spot for comments about Israel) etc.
So in essence we float in a sea of generalisations and average-ness. So I will start off with some generalisations that for the sake of this submission I assume to be near the mark.
– most of the readership is male
– the mean age would be probably 40 +
– most have or want to go to Thailand to sample the various delights
– most are unsatisfied with their current life regime (otherwise they wouldn't dream to go to an alternate lifestyle country like Thailand)
– many are in work and family situations which could be described as mundane or boring /repetitive
So if you have followed my this far you will probably have an inkling as to where I am headed.
Let me take the case of a good UK friend of mine living somewhere in the Midlands.
– Twice divorced, numerous intervening relationships, 2 grown up kids, job-less (not surprising considering the current UK situation)
– been to LOS 3 times and likes it a lot due to the "attractions"
– Now back in the UK and found the new love of one's life so to speak, local girl, similar age, employed, fair personal background etc
Now entering into the same spiral for the nth time and smiling whist doing it… I sit back enthralled but sickened by the spectacle.
What is a typical man's life like so far?
When one is single, one lusts to be married to Ms. Right for the opportunity of all the sex and fun one expects out of the relationship. Little or no consideration is given to the cost.
What does one actually get
– A mortgage on a house in suburbia
– A 3-year old Mondeo
– A summer vacation with the wife (now at 130 to 140% of her former mass) and kids who as they get older just treat you like an ATM
– A severely diminished sex life – funny how all those women's magazines (Cosmo etc) have endless articles about great sex but it never gets put into practice
– A lot of claims, gripes and wishes that play with your psyche
– A person who can't make decisions and panics each time there is something new to face
– Memories of the above and what is, could and should have been
– Boredom and dreams of freedom
When one is married, one lusts to be single for all the freedom and sex and fun one can expect from single-ness.
I have a love for observing people and their interactions. It is so interesting to do, and I have been doing it for a long time with the people I know.
It is amazing how people who have had 3 strikes and are out, repeatedly step up to the plate for more. I really don't get it. Some people must be masochists or have a death wish.
Now the seemingly more daring of us will venture to Asia to pursue the dream of happiness and contentment.
Some will venture to LOS and amazingly enough find the right person (female or in some cases male) within days, whereas it has taken perhaps 20 to 30 years of trial and error in one's own homeland to find that there isn't actually a Ms. (or Mr.) right for them.
If you pursue this LOS mirage you will have contentment for some weeks and months, but guess what? You will be ensnared just as you would have been.
I clearly remember the words of the wickedly clever Briffault who said effectively that the relationship between man and women will be as per the advantage that the man can bring to the women (et al) and that this will dissolve once the advantage is perceived lost.
So facing the facts what to do???
I believe that Caveman got rather close to the answer, and was remarkably open about his psyche.
In essence use and lose, and don't let them ensnare you and get into your head!
The only variable is the time you allocate in the use phase.
So you want to go to LOS? You need to mentally prepare yourself and get your brain in segregated thought pattern to that of the emotions (below the belt body parts).
You need to calculate for each more you make the opportunity cost for the return you will have. The cost will be in terms of your basic holiday time, money to be spent, and eventual lost opportunities for doing something more rewarding with your the time you set aside for an activity.
The perfect mix for the single man, the game to play would be in essence to find the following:
– a good looking / friendly partner and not less, who is interested to do what you like
– for the time one wants to spend on them, and not longer.
– and for the budget one wants to give out, and no more.
– and moreover, like gambling know when to quit the game before it becomes a need in itsself (addiction to having fun all the time, which in its self will become deathly boring).
So now you know how to play the game I'm sure that Stick and his other readers will show you the right spots where it can be played to the full.
I would remind you all that the game only needs to be played as long as you are satisfied with the partner. I refer of course to the earlier post describing a 54 year old man who kept his head and cleanly broke off the game in mid match due to the inconsistency of his partner. It is to be applauded that he kept his head and did so.
I would also mention that you should use the Thai custom of the man being in charge to your full advantage and not succumb to Western values that place a woman at the same level as a man. Thai women and men will just see this as weakness and laugh at you and your values.
I visit Asia about 3 to 4 times per year (mainly China nowadays) and would suggest the following places as suitable to the right minded single man who can think on their feet:
Low cost places
– Thailand – note that due to the crisis the opportunity cost ratio improved markedly
– Indonesia – a remarkable place to go to, hardly Muslim at all, nearly all men there have some kind of out of office relationship and so it is natural to the people's thinking
– Philippines – if you think Thailand is hard up, wait to you go there. People will almost be throwing themselves at your feet. Ahh, the benefit of a capitalist democracy!
Medium cost places
– China (it really helps to speak some Chinese), the "process" is much more structured than in other countries
High cost places
– Hong Kong – some good pick up bars (not clubs !) in Wanchai
– Singapore – it is not squeaky clean as it is made out to be and there are government licensed areas dedicated to your activity.
May you have all the fun you plan to have
I was chatting with a mate a little earlier today and we both agreed that with middle-aged men, the happiest guys seem to be those who are single by choice. Despite what those in different situations might have you believe, I really do believe that the middle-aged men on top of their game who are single by choice are amongst the happiest people you will find.