Readers' Submissions

Abhisit’s Thoughts

  • Written by Anonymous
  • April 30th, 2010
  • 4 min read



Abhisit is burning the midnight oil at the army base where he's holed up well away from the reds.

What to do, what to do?

It's been over a month and there's no respite.

Why didn't they teach me at Oxford how to deal with uneducated rabble rousers?

Yeah, I know it's an elite university and all that but still, doesn't England have an underclass too?

I made a boo boo when I was interviewed on CNN and I blurted out that we've been able to contain the rural folks' misery to their villages upcountry. I shouldn't have said that, I tried to get them to delete it but they wouldn't; damn American democracy and freedom of press.

I've got a dilemma and can't figure a way around it. I'm stuck with this label “democrat” and the world expects me to live up to it. Little do they realise that in Thailand labels mean nothing. For example we call transvestites ladyboys but they're neither ladies nor boys. But I digress.

We've got more serious troubles now than a blow job. Although I must admit that there's been plenty of things being blown up lately mostly by men in black. I must tell the Army chief to stop his men moonlighting like this.

What should I do? The police refuse to carry out my orders and the Army…Nah, better not, the walls have ears here and I'm their guest, I'm in protective custody …ooops, I mean they protect me from undesirables and advise me as to the best choice of inaction.

I'd like to dissolve the Parliament but I don't have a mandate…did I say that?

Holy smoke, I must be delirious..

The reds have stated they'll go home by the 15th of May; not that long now, if I could just prolong their sanitation and garbage disposal problems at Rajaprasong the crisis can be over before the baht sinks much further.

I'd call an election right now if it was up to me but the yellows are such nonsense, they keep threatening to come out of their hovels and cavalcade in their BMs up and down Chinatown.

I can't have that, my grandmother will never forgive me!

The yellows have their grievances too you know. Since the Paragon and Zen closed down they're having shopping withdrawal symptoms.

Who'd want to be Prime Minister in Thailand these days? I certainly didn't but they railroaded me into it when Thaksin's proxies refused to disperse the yellows. Now that I've got no clue as to how to reconcile the differences between our citizens they blame me for all this. They've handed me a poisoned chalice.

I want out of this but now I'm a captive of the elite. I'd like divine guidance but it's not forthcoming.

One thing is sure, if I ever get out of this alive I'll never put up my hand to be anything to do with politics. Who needs it? I'll go into exile just like Thaksin did. If only I could talk the generals into organising a coup!

But they're gutless wonders too. Now that they got me for a patsy they're in no hurry to roll out the tanks. This stalemate suits them for now but I can't go home to my family. Besides I miss my Teddy Bear!

Abhisit's mobile vibrates and rings and he answers the call (at least he knows how to answer that kind of call).

Sawasdee krup khum mae.. How are you?…

I'm fine thanks Mum, no need for you to worry, I'm safe and get 3 square meals a day…

No Mum, I'm not a prisoner here, I'm just temporarily in residence until someone decides what to do…

Yes Mum, you did tell me not to accept the high office but my class mates told me I'm best suited because I speak the best English… Relax Mum, everything will work out fine in due course, but how are you coping, are you being taken care of by our faithful staff?…

What? They all left to join the reds? The chauffeur too?

What about the maids?… Really, they're all on the ramparts?…

Sorry Mum, I've got to go now, apparently someone just shot a soldier and it may be friendly fire. Very bad form! Never mind, we'll have an independent inquiry and it'll discover that the reds committed the dastardly deed. I'll talk to you later when the coast is clear, Ok.?…

I love you too…

Phew, my poor Mum, she doesn't deserve this after all the sacrifices she made to send me abroad to study.

Now back to the grindstone, where was I?

Ah yeah, reconciliation …That is how to balance the books between one set for public consumption and another for my eyes only. You see that's where Thaksin went wrong, he didn't have a good accountant.

Let me know when the coast is clear and someone turned off the lights!

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

Humorous. The poor guy is in a terrible situation though. Who would want to be PM at a time like this?!