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Valentines Day Adventures

  • Written by Expat-Matt
  • March 11th, 2010
  • 6 min read


Valentines day is always somewhat of an interesting event, and this year in Thailand was no exception. I finished up with work, and helped the night shift close down the club. The after party began and there were a few very generous big spenders that were invited inside with the regulars. We all know the type. The short timer tourists with deep pockets who will actually buy drinks for the owner of the bar. As my boss says "not a word son, it's just free money in the till". After having my fill of Leo, I got a craving for one of my favorite things. If I have one vice here in Thailand, it's a decent game of pool. The place I work doesn't have a table, so it was time to wander down the road. I know all the tables here in this part of town, and at this hour (1:00am) the choices start getting a bit limited. After careful consideration, I decided that it was off to the boxing ring. For anyone unfamiliar with the free boxing ring here, it is an indoor exhibition Thai boxing venue surrounded by about thirty small lady bars. Most of these places have some fairly aggressive ladies, but there are a couple small places where I'm known as just "that guy" and they usually leave me alone. This time of night most of the girls have barfined out, and the pool table is up for grabs. After shooting a few games, I sat down at the bar to finish my beer and get ready to leave. This is where I meet "Noi". She's on bartender duty and we trade a little information on how business was around town tonight. She knows that I'm just a working class dummy and not playing the "lady games". A quick glance around the bar reveals that it is just the two of us now, and "Noi" just locked the door!!!

Now let me tell you what I know about Noi so far. Granted, we are talking about a bar girl/bartender here, but I'm a little more inclined to believe most of what she's telling me based on her actions and demeanor. She's definitely not the typical bargirl in appearance. She's in her early 30's (I'm 36) and hails from a farm in Nong Kai where she left her family and a small child. I've never really been into the "toothpick" girls, and Noi is definitely built like a northern farm girl. Not big by any means, but what I like to call "round in all the right places". Just an average Thai girl trying her luck in the bar scene. Compared to the other girls, she is what most would call "ordinary". This is probably the reason she's stuck behind the bar serving drinks instead of entertaining customers. The mamasan approached me earlier in the evening and told me that she's worked here four months now and never been barfined once. Evidently Noi had shown some interest in talking with me and had done some asking around about me. The other girls had told her that I work in a "farang bar" and "nice man, no money". I learned later that the mamasan had given Noi permission to hang out with me despite my status (or lack thereof). Supposedly, she'd never gone with a foreigner before and was nervous, but was reassured that I was OK.

Once we were alone in the closed bar, the drinks started flowing again and were on the boss's tab. We talked for a good hour or two, and then retired to her tiny apartment a short hike down the road. I'll spare you most of the details, but I will tell you that what she lacked in experience or skill was certainly overcome by enthusiasm and raw stamina. This girl was not about pleasing me, and definitely had her own agenda in mind. In between rounds, we would embrace and nap for an hour or so before she would initiate another. She finally turned me loose about 4:00pm the next day and I (for the lack of a better phrase) made my way home as the "walking wounded". Bruised, battered, bitten, and burned, I showed up at work and became the brunt of everyone's jokes for an entire evening. At first, everyone guessed I had fallen off a motorbike, and in hindsight I probably should have stuck with that story. It might have been a little less embarrassing.

All that aside, I found my mind beginning to wander by the end of the night. I had just finished up with work for the night and the boxing ring was on the way home. I decided to stroll down and see how Noi was before heading home. Upon walking in, I was greeted by the mamasan who told me that Noi was very happy today. She told me that for many weeks she has been sad and lonely, and that she is smiling today. I greeted Noi behind the bar and she smiled and offered me a drink. After closing time, the mamasan called her tuk tuk boyfriend to give the two of us a ride (no charge). I'd tell you the rest of the story, but I think you get the idea.

The next day, I asked her about her level of "enthusiasm", and after a little time with a translation book, we came up with the word "exercise". She's concerned about her weight, and also now realized that this particular type of exercise can actually be fun. Upon learning the English word, she immediately made a "play on words" and came up with "sexercise". The laughter that ensued between the two of us was near side splitting for the next half hour or so. The next phrase she keeps using on me is "one more", and she's not talking about my drink.

I have no idea how far (if at all) this could go, but I'll just try to keep from getting beat up too badly. That which doesn't kill me can only make me stronger!! Both of us work in bars along the same stretch of road and that makes it easy to meet up for a quick roadside restaurant 20 baht meal after work before heading to my place or hers for some "exercise". Money has never been an issue (yet). The most she has ever asked for in the week or more I've known her was 100 baht. I asked why, and she reminded me that I was out of shampoo and fresh fruit and veggies. I felt a little bit like a heel when I came home to a fully stocked shower and fridge after working out of town for the day.

Now, I will admit that this tale may seem a bit far fetched, but I must remind you that I've lived and worked here for nearly a year. Even after that amount of time there are still more things I don't understand than I do. Don't expect similar results if you are just blowing through town for a few days or even weeks. But, then again, anything is possible in the "Land of Smiles".

So, there you have it. Another thing crossed off my list.

"being gifted to a bargirl as a Thai exercise machine on valentines day"….Check!!!

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Stickman's thoughts:

I wonder when she'll start to move all her things into your place? :)